(no subject)
on monday, after play practice, i returned home and didnt eat dinner. well acutally, i ended up eating two pieces of toast, told myself i wasn't worth it, and went to bed.
and its funny how i woke up the next morning on time and content because it was light out at seven. and how i freaked out in the car, screamed 'i can't do this; i can't go to school," and yet i went anyway.
and how i sleept through all of last night when i was feeling a little better but came home during fifth because i knew i wouldn't make it through the rest of the day.
and though there's still a pit in my stomach and the blanket that really is a squid is still upstairs, a quiet calm has come over me and i no longer feel the need to jump right out of my skin or a window or into the sea
so the question is why? (and it always is)
maybe i'm just tired, exhausted by the velocity of these soul-eating thoughts
and i'd rather just live in the quiet, unclasp my fists and breath for awhile so i dont keep beating myself up
maybe thats the trick
forgetting, not forgiving.
and its funny how i woke up the next morning on time and content because it was light out at seven. and how i freaked out in the car, screamed 'i can't do this; i can't go to school," and yet i went anyway.
and how i sleept through all of last night when i was feeling a little better but came home during fifth because i knew i wouldn't make it through the rest of the day.
and though there's still a pit in my stomach and the blanket that really is a squid is still upstairs, a quiet calm has come over me and i no longer feel the need to jump right out of my skin or a window or into the sea
so the question is why? (and it always is)
maybe i'm just tired, exhausted by the velocity of these soul-eating thoughts
and i'd rather just live in the quiet, unclasp my fists and breath for awhile so i dont keep beating myself up
maybe thats the trick
forgetting, not forgiving.