*Get a Load of Me, Get a Load of You*
* Well this is a pretty personal entry that im making, but i feel like you as my friends should be able to know how i feel if im goign to write it in here anyways.
Everyone i know probly sees me as a happy person and not really have a care in the world. But for me, it just sucks for people to really see me as that, i mean im so glad that i have awesome freinds, i love making people happy, and makeing them laugh and all, and that does make my life truly enjoyable, but i dont know if peopel really know how many times im so un happy with myself. I dont know, maybe im just being silly. Or maybe im just in a bummed out mood.
First off, like, i dont know, people say im pretty and all, and yes, there are times when i feel wonderful, and i actually look at myself in the mirror and i just think wow i look pretty. But most of the time, i feel bummmed. Like today, and the reason why i think im writing this, is probly because of my dad, and my brother ali. We were all in the kitchen/ living room and i was getting some strawberries and ali and my dad were just like frank has lost so much weight, and then i walked by ali, and he was like... we all are fat in the same way, we all gain it in the same places. And my dad was just like "ya nikki is poofing up isnt she?" and ali was just like "yup she sure is." and i just felt so disgusted with myself. Its just like, thanks, i already feel bad about myself every morning when i look at myself in the mirror. Thanks.And like it doesnt help when me and frank and a couple of his friends are hanging out and it just seems like every girl that they find attractive are tiny, blonde, and just perfect looking. And also, when i see girls with the perfect body and are so thin and stuff, when they are all like "omg, i need to lose liek 10 pounds, i look so fat." That makes me feel like "well if you think YOUR fat, man i sure as hell dont want to know what you think about me."
And these days it just seems like everyone has their special someone. Everyone had either someone they liek, and they liek them back, or they are madly in love. And i just keep thinkign that one day, soon, that may be me. But i just want to know "when will it be my turn?" "When will my lips be de-virginized?" "When will i freakin have someone actually love me, and me mean the world to them, vise-versa?"
"When?" its just like, gah. I dont know, people say not to worry about it, and not everything is love. And all you need are your freinds. Well what i think is... look at you, the ones saying this, are usually people in love, or have at least SOMEONE. I just wish my time will come. i think i thought about this, because i started reading the notebook again :-/
I just wish i could be who i want to be. Wait, you know what? I AM goign to be who i want to be, not matter what. Im goign to show up my brother, my dad, who made me feel terrible abotu myself, and well the love thing, i cant do anything about that, ill just have to wait.. but other than that, i guess this post was kind of pointless, and there was probly no reason fo rit, but i just had to get my feelings out somehow. Thanks guys, for reading if you did.
Everyone i know probly sees me as a happy person and not really have a care in the world. But for me, it just sucks for people to really see me as that, i mean im so glad that i have awesome freinds, i love making people happy, and makeing them laugh and all, and that does make my life truly enjoyable, but i dont know if peopel really know how many times im so un happy with myself. I dont know, maybe im just being silly. Or maybe im just in a bummed out mood.
First off, like, i dont know, people say im pretty and all, and yes, there are times when i feel wonderful, and i actually look at myself in the mirror and i just think wow i look pretty. But most of the time, i feel bummmed. Like today, and the reason why i think im writing this, is probly because of my dad, and my brother ali. We were all in the kitchen/ living room and i was getting some strawberries and ali and my dad were just like frank has lost so much weight, and then i walked by ali, and he was like... we all are fat in the same way, we all gain it in the same places. And my dad was just like "ya nikki is poofing up isnt she?" and ali was just like "yup she sure is." and i just felt so disgusted with myself. Its just like, thanks, i already feel bad about myself every morning when i look at myself in the mirror. Thanks.And like it doesnt help when me and frank and a couple of his friends are hanging out and it just seems like every girl that they find attractive are tiny, blonde, and just perfect looking. And also, when i see girls with the perfect body and are so thin and stuff, when they are all like "omg, i need to lose liek 10 pounds, i look so fat." That makes me feel like "well if you think YOUR fat, man i sure as hell dont want to know what you think about me."
And these days it just seems like everyone has their special someone. Everyone had either someone they liek, and they liek them back, or they are madly in love. And i just keep thinkign that one day, soon, that may be me. But i just want to know "when will it be my turn?" "When will my lips be de-virginized?" "When will i freakin have someone actually love me, and me mean the world to them, vise-versa?"
"When?" its just like, gah. I dont know, people say not to worry about it, and not everything is love. And all you need are your freinds. Well what i think is... look at you, the ones saying this, are usually people in love, or have at least SOMEONE. I just wish my time will come. i think i thought about this, because i started reading the notebook again :-/
I just wish i could be who i want to be. Wait, you know what? I AM goign to be who i want to be, not matter what. Im goign to show up my brother, my dad, who made me feel terrible abotu myself, and well the love thing, i cant do anything about that, ill just have to wait.. but other than that, i guess this post was kind of pointless, and there was probly no reason fo rit, but i just had to get my feelings out somehow. Thanks guys, for reading if you did.