paper scraps.

[this_pill]

just got back from the er. had really bad chest pains for the last few days, at work my chest seized up, my shoulders and neck got stiff, i got dizzy and started puking. so anyway an ekg, chest x rays, 2 blood tests, an iv and a few hours in a hospital bed plus a ua and i have a damn viral lung infection.my lungs swoll up so bad i couldnt breathe. the dizziness and vomiting was because of the pain i guess.
im tired. soon as i got home sally went to the bar with her friend and left me with the kids. i can barely walk.
i feel like giving up. i do. i dont fucking know. im hurting so bad right now, i cant fucking breathe. i dont even care what happens right now. i just want to get jude back to sleep and lay down.
im worth 50,000 dollars if i keel over. 100,000 if im in a car or airplane and its not my fault. just a thought.
i dont think i have it in me to keep on. god i have to fucking try because my kids need me. i dont know how much i really have left in the tank anymore.
its getting harder everyday to keep waking up.
i wish there was anyone i could turn to for help but at this point ive burned all my bridges.
maybe i should go back to jail, sit and think awhile, get the fuck out of this mess my life has become.
i dont fucking know.
i dont know.