(no subject)
Without even my grandpa here, it feels very lonely. It's all so quiet, only the podcast I'm playing now makes any sound in the whole apartment, and now the typing of my keys. I kind of wish that I were a girl again, so that he could read me a story. He was always the parent that was there only for good times, brining me a surprise. Like the time he came home, with a book from the bookmobile, that had really long paragraphs and dozens of pages all in Spanish. I loved to read that book aloud, and even though the story itself would lose my interest, the sound of so many big words, many of them I couldn't understand made me feel so happy. Or he would come home with a sweet hidden in his hand and hand it to me and whisper, look what i got for you, don't tell grandma, and smile. It was like he was my accomplice, the one i could always trust, the one who always brought gifts. Yet, I wondered who he was the rest of the time, I wanted to now what was in his mind and in his heart, and imagined the possibility that somehow, someway I would find out. I guess it's easy to believe that the mother always has to play the role of the bad cop when parenting, she's the one that tells you what you can't do and what you should do, while dad has the fun role of making you feel special with gifts or surprises, and defending your viewpoint to your mother so that she will let you go to that sleepover you've been waiting for. I can't say but it was good, it was just another way to be loved. He still always makes sure to bring home things that will make me a diabetic all the time, and I let him know I appreciate it. Beyond that, I have no idea what this does to my love life, if it's true that we are attracted to people like our parents, then does that mean I will like a man with gray hair that brings me chocolate. o.O? I always found humor in this theory, for that reason, I wasn't raised by my parents, and I felt in many ways they are not typical. I thought that the mere fact that he wasn't my real father nullified that theory, and that I was really a blank slate, likely to love someone I couldn't possibly imagine yet, and that was a good thing.