I have to block out thought of you so I don't lose my head.
So I made a realization tonight, and here it is:
I will forever be alone.
Don't get me wrong. I'll always have my friends, and I'll always have my family, but that's all I'll ever have.
I want to get married. No, not now. Just... one day, I want to have that feeling of love and commitment to one person, and one person alone. I don't want other infatuations or lust. I want one partner for life. I don't want to "love" a girl, get married, become bored, and divorce, like so many people do these days. I don't think I'd be able to marry more than once. I just... Right now, I don't think I'll be able to ever marry. Girlfriends will come and go, just as they have for the last 4 years, as will countless infatuations and hopeless nights. Sure, I like the single life. I enjoy the freedom of going on a date with one girl, enjoying their company, having a great evening, then going out some other night with someone different. I'm not a skeeze or anything. I don't sleep around. I just love casual dating. But what I fear is this: When does it stop? How long do I go on dating? 1 year? 5 years? 10? 20? When am I going to find that "one special person" who I'm destined for?? Is there even such a person? I doubt it. I really don't think there's just ONE single person on the entire earth that would spend their life with me. Or you. Or anyone for that matter. Fuckin. I don't know. I'm about to start rambing and going into topics I don't even wanna go into right now.
*sigh*
I'm done for now. If MySpace continues to suck, I might be bak on here sooner than later. *shrugs*
Plus, a LOT less people I know have LJ than do MS.
-Zak
I will forever be alone.
Don't get me wrong. I'll always have my friends, and I'll always have my family, but that's all I'll ever have.
I want to get married. No, not now. Just... one day, I want to have that feeling of love and commitment to one person, and one person alone. I don't want other infatuations or lust. I want one partner for life. I don't want to "love" a girl, get married, become bored, and divorce, like so many people do these days. I don't think I'd be able to marry more than once. I just... Right now, I don't think I'll be able to ever marry. Girlfriends will come and go, just as they have for the last 4 years, as will countless infatuations and hopeless nights. Sure, I like the single life. I enjoy the freedom of going on a date with one girl, enjoying their company, having a great evening, then going out some other night with someone different. I'm not a skeeze or anything. I don't sleep around. I just love casual dating. But what I fear is this: When does it stop? How long do I go on dating? 1 year? 5 years? 10? 20? When am I going to find that "one special person" who I'm destined for?? Is there even such a person? I doubt it. I really don't think there's just ONE single person on the entire earth that would spend their life with me. Or you. Or anyone for that matter. Fuckin. I don't know. I'm about to start rambing and going into topics I don't even wanna go into right now.
*sigh*
I'm done for now. If MySpace continues to suck, I might be bak on here sooner than later. *shrugs*
Plus, a LOT less people I know have LJ than do MS.
-Zak