Good Afternoon
I've created this because although i use my other account i'm going to dedicate this one to completly how i feel etc because basicaly i need somewhere i can write things to get them out of my system well it's cheaper than therapy but still nothing to joke about.
So basically at the moment i don't particularly feel to great and no its nothing to do with the vodka a drank last night!
Did you realise its possible to be broken up with without being in a relationship...i didn't and well currently i guess i still don't know but then again its all a matter of time.
I've never really spoken about when Chris broke up with me to anyone - and no this isn't a post about him i got over that a long time ago. He broke up with me before i got on the train to go back to Nottingham he played Usher - Burn and i still can't listen to that song. It hurt there is no point lying about it because it did. I remember everything about it the smells the sounds everything - i remember the what the 2 guys sitting on the train looked like as they sa there and watched me cry. I went back to my Uni house and was a mess i locked myself in my room for 3 days i didn't eat or drink or speak to anyone. Then I went back into uni started reattending lectures and on my way home bumped into Tim and it started a 14 day bender and i really did go off the tracks nothing to wild because it's still me we are talking about. Basically i just gave up caring and i guess really i've never quite go over that. I left that relationship with a lot of issues and things that i still have to work really hard on.
I can't let myself get close to people i push people away. And it's my own doing There are people that i could go on dates with but i can't, i can't have anything real. Pretend is so much better. Well at least i don't get hurt well for the most part.
I have a problem being real. I don't like expressing my emotions and in that sense i am very British. I have a tendancy to bottle things up so in someways i don't think i'll ever be happy i don't think i'd let myself
anyway there are things i can't even thnk about so i'm not about to announce them to the world. I'll leave it here for now
So basically at the moment i don't particularly feel to great and no its nothing to do with the vodka a drank last night!
Did you realise its possible to be broken up with without being in a relationship...i didn't and well currently i guess i still don't know but then again its all a matter of time.
I've never really spoken about when Chris broke up with me to anyone - and no this isn't a post about him i got over that a long time ago. He broke up with me before i got on the train to go back to Nottingham he played Usher - Burn and i still can't listen to that song. It hurt there is no point lying about it because it did. I remember everything about it the smells the sounds everything - i remember the what the 2 guys sitting on the train looked like as they sa there and watched me cry. I went back to my Uni house and was a mess i locked myself in my room for 3 days i didn't eat or drink or speak to anyone. Then I went back into uni started reattending lectures and on my way home bumped into Tim and it started a 14 day bender and i really did go off the tracks nothing to wild because it's still me we are talking about. Basically i just gave up caring and i guess really i've never quite go over that. I left that relationship with a lot of issues and things that i still have to work really hard on.
I can't let myself get close to people i push people away. And it's my own doing There are people that i could go on dates with but i can't, i can't have anything real. Pretend is so much better. Well at least i don't get hurt well for the most part.
I have a problem being real. I don't like expressing my emotions and in that sense i am very British. I have a tendancy to bottle things up so in someways i don't think i'll ever be happy i don't think i'd let myself
anyway there are things i can't even thnk about so i'm not about to announce them to the world. I'll leave it here for now