I rue the day that week 10 and I met!!!!!!!!
I hate this week. Every week 10 I do this. This being the whole OH MY GOD I SUCK AT LIFE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M GOING TO FAIL EVERYTHING!!!
And I know it's a total crock. I know this because every quarter I come out on top with straight As and Dean's List standing. EVERYTIME. Yet, I always go through this period of absolute maddness. I know it's insane. I know it's unproductive. My (very small) logical side keeps saying "This is stupid, Brianna, it will be FINE" while my anxious side is screaming "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I'M GOING TO DIE IF I GET A B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thank God most of what I have to do I just got done, here in the library. Not my favorite venue to get a lot of work done, but its a necessary evil.
...I know. I know. I know how ridiculous it sounds. Being scared of Bs. I am that kid who messed up the curve. I am that kid who is so overprepared for class you hope to piggyback off of them during discussion. I am that kid who gets their work done at least three days ahead of time so I can "refine" it. And I hate it. But there's no way I'll let myself stop. Oh God no! All through public school, I struggled to come out near the top. Now that I have finally worked my way to the top in college, I am not letting go. Not for a million dollars.
That being said, I'm so much better than I was last year, with the whole anxiety thing. I would spend hours and hours in my room paralyzed by fear and anxiety. If I wasn't crying, I was pacing. Or pacing and crying. Or hiding behind the marble temple in a nearby cemetary, afraid to face the world. I'd take naps there and wake up in the dark.
My new power cord is currently in Memphis, TN. Hopefully they're driving it all night up to Ohio so I can get by tomorrow. If not, it will be here Wednesday.
I'm missing Heroes right now and I don't care. I don't want to talk to anyone right now, anyway. Not when I'm this insane. I'm going to sit down with my David Sedaris books and revel in his humor and self image issues.
And I know it's a total crock. I know this because every quarter I come out on top with straight As and Dean's List standing. EVERYTIME. Yet, I always go through this period of absolute maddness. I know it's insane. I know it's unproductive. My (very small) logical side keeps saying "This is stupid, Brianna, it will be FINE" while my anxious side is screaming "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I'M GOING TO DIE IF I GET A B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thank God most of what I have to do I just got done, here in the library. Not my favorite venue to get a lot of work done, but its a necessary evil.
...I know. I know. I know how ridiculous it sounds. Being scared of Bs. I am that kid who messed up the curve. I am that kid who is so overprepared for class you hope to piggyback off of them during discussion. I am that kid who gets their work done at least three days ahead of time so I can "refine" it. And I hate it. But there's no way I'll let myself stop. Oh God no! All through public school, I struggled to come out near the top. Now that I have finally worked my way to the top in college, I am not letting go. Not for a million dollars.
That being said, I'm so much better than I was last year, with the whole anxiety thing. I would spend hours and hours in my room paralyzed by fear and anxiety. If I wasn't crying, I was pacing. Or pacing and crying. Or hiding behind the marble temple in a nearby cemetary, afraid to face the world. I'd take naps there and wake up in the dark.
My new power cord is currently in Memphis, TN. Hopefully they're driving it all night up to Ohio so I can get by tomorrow. If not, it will be here Wednesday.
I'm missing Heroes right now and I don't care. I don't want to talk to anyone right now, anyway. Not when I'm this insane. I'm going to sit down with my David Sedaris books and revel in his humor and self image issues.