Today's forecast: CLOUDY SKIES WITH CLOUDS
It was after lunch today, and the family was watching some TV. Everyone was in a good mood except for me. I had told myself that I was going to finally enroll for my summer school today. The catch was I had to enroll in TWO instead of the orignal ONE class, since I had a D+ in my biostatistics class. The other major drawback was that the total cost would come to be around $1080. That's almost the same amount that got stolen from me when I went to the beach!
We were all watching "Behind the Da Vinci Code" on the History Channel, and my mom finally came out of the bathroom after being in there for an unholy amount of time, while dad passed out on the couch as a result of having a food coma. She then began writing up checks for her Macy's card. I was waiting for her to get done, but I had to take my sister to the dentist in thirty minutes. So I took a deep breath and I prepared for what was to come...
me: Mom can I enroll in my Summer School now?
mom: O! Oh yeah, here's the card...
me: Well, I'm planning on taking two classes now...
mom: WHAT? ANO?! Hindi ka nag passa nanaman ah?
me: No, I passed...
mom: Then why two classes? You didn't pass ha?
me: ...
mom: Ha?
me: ...no I passed.
mom: Naku kang bata ka! How come I've never seen your grades.
Suddenly dad wakes up
dad: Haa......ano......where are your grades?
me: ...
mom: YOU KNOW THIS whole time you've been in UCI I haven't ONCE seen your grades.
dad: ...
me: ...well...uh...
Mom then continuously persists that I show her my grades.
dad: WELL HE'S GOING TO BRING JANELLE TO THE DENTIST. MALELATE SILA!
They argue for a bit, then Janelle steps out of the stairway ready to be driven to her appointment. I got up and left and my mom gave me the checks I had to pay at Macy's since she was going to her work in an hour. "We'll talk later." I quickly walk out of the house. Janelle says "Bye."
I tried my best to prolong my time outside of the house since I didn't want to be around my dad. Her appointment was done and we went to the mall to pay off the macy's card. Then we shopped for 3 hours. We got back home, and I totally forgot that dad wanted me to set something up with him in the backyard. It didn't matter now cause he was sound asleep in his bedroom. He had a night shift to attend to at San Jose International. So I sulked around the house and played video games with my sister.
Then mom called from the hospital and continued to push me for what happend with my grades:
Mom: What happend huh? You can tell me. How come you haven't shown us your grades? What class do you have to retake this time.
After some contemplation I decided to give up the lie and just give in.
me: I got a D+
mom: Naku talaga... What class was it?
me: biostatistics
After some profanities, she exclaimed to me how it was ridiculous that I failed in biostats. Then came the standard parental lecture on how I was wasting their money, and I was wasting my own time. She told me how I was having too much Gud Taym and that I had to be on lock down. No work, no beach, no friends. Of course I didn't inerrupt her in her speil
mom: Are you listening?
me: yeah...
I was actually listening to my voicemail and watching TV at the same time, in order to numb my reaction to her ranting.
She went on to offer her credit card number. By that time I was past down in the dumps. I felt as though I was at the bottom of the dumpster buried under a meter thick layer of garbage.
Later that night I laid in the couch. Janelle kept saying "EAT KUYA!" I made a loud moan in reply. "You know you're going to get over it..." She warmed some food up and prepared it on the table for me. It wasn't enough. By the time I was done I ate enough food for 5 people, and now I sit here.
This whole D+ business is bothering me to the point of depression. It's just what I do. I let things get to me like this. If I didn't, then how would I learn the lesson? It's obsessive, I know, since it's psychologically debilitating. But it's not only this situation. I force myself to think about the past. And honestly, I've been putting myself into some pretty shitty conditions as this year drags on and on. Being near the source of my sorrow isn't helping. I really want to just hide in my apartment down in Irvine again.
I do enjoy the time I'm spending with my sister. She's my only solace in these crappy times. We talk about things that other people wouldn't understand...like how amusing commercial jingles are so we sing them to each other.
Ben, my boyfriend constantly tells me that he loves me and misses me so dearly. I feel required to miss him too. But the feeling doesn't really come up. I kind of don't miss him. I love him though. I feel so guilty as a result. I see good looking guys on pictures and on the street and I get turned on. Then there's my poor boyfriend just thinking about me. Isn't that conceited or selfish at the very least? What am I to do...I'm stuck with that whole dillema of me not being able to appreciate my relationship again. I'm blaming the situation with my school with the amount of time that I dedicate with volunteering and my friends, and unbeknownst to my parents, my relationship. I just want to lock myself away from everyone and everything...why????
I haven't been hanging out with you guys as much. It's kind of part to do with being away from my family for so long, and part because I'm so afraid of how times changed so much. Especially to my friends in the bay area, things are different huh? The original crew was so big, but because of drama, school, and shear geographical distances, our bonds have weakend if not broken. I'll admit that I don't want to have to choose. I'm already at home, and I miss my sister when I'm away, so I just opt to stick around here. Sigh...but such is the nature of times. Old friends drift apart and strangers become homies. There's opportunity for all of us to be tight again, but you do have to admit that it won't be the same as it used to. I'll try to suck it in and be content with what we got.
But WHEN will this SHIT END!??!