for the record, none of this is about a boy.
spent the night reminiscing and reading old entries and looking at old pictures, trying to remember the way things once were. probably shouldnt have done that, because now it has got me thinking....
i wish i could tell you how much i have missed you, and i wish i could tell you how sorry i am. i wish i knew what i really had found in you back in the day instead of throwing a friendship away over reasons i honestly can't say i remember because they were probably so trivial in the scheme of things. i wish i could reconnect with you somehow, because you always knew the right things to say. i wish i could go back in time, because even after all of these years of not speaking, i had the best memories with you. and i know that is sad and pathetic, but its the truth, and honesty can never back fire, i suppose. maybe it was just the feeling of being 16 and naive and new to the whole world around me. maybe those really were "the best days of our lives" and i just never realized it.
i wish i could tell you how you were the only true, real, and genuine friend i have ever had, and to be completely honest, i have yet to find anyone that can even come close to filling the void of my "best friend" since we had our falling out. to be honest, it still makes me sad to think about, and it makes me cry. and the part that makes me feel just SO dumb is i know you dont care or think about me anymore. even after all these years, when i went back to read the old bullshit, it made my heart drop, which is so weird because i cant remember the last time i felt something like that. i wish i didnt feel just so stupid. i probably havent even crossed your mind in years, and you have probably been better off without me, too. but i've had many friends that i had called my "best friends" but none of those friendships ever lasted, and it makes me wonder what the hell is so wrong with me that i have such a difficult time keeping friends. i go through friends like some chicks go through boyfriends, and it is really, truly, pathetic and sad.
i wish i could tell you that losing you was a million times worse than losing any stupid boyfriend i ever had. i wish you would read this, and wonder if its about you. i wonder if you ever felt the same. i wonder if you ever missed me, missed me being around, missed hanging out with me. probably not, because i was a dumb bitch. i am just too much of a coward to try to talk to you, or even friend you on facebook, because i am scared of the nasty reaction i might get from you (and i totally deserve that) but i wish i had a time machine, and i would've made sure to have never lost you. i just wish we could pick up where we left off, like nothing ever changed.
i wish i didnt feel so embarrassed & out of place & just overall dumb.
oh well. no one knows who or what im talking about, and it is probably best it be kept that way. i dont even know if i know anyone on here anymore, and i just thought that maybe, just maybe one day you'd stumble across this, and you would be able to say "i told you so" because you have been right all along.
there was just something about being your wing man that made me feel like we were invincible. or once again, maybe that's just what it is like to be 16. the weirdest thing, is i still remember the day we became best friends like it was yesterday. i remember telling you, or something along these lines, "i want you to be my best friend" and sadly, i remember the last day we were friends like it was yesterday too. after almost 21 years of being alive, you've still been the only person that i have ever had a deafening silence with on the drive home. not even the worst fight with the worst boyfriend was ever bad enough to create a silence that could kill. i guess i just had all of these feelings and emotions that i just didnt know how to handle, and oh, i wish i was smarter and knew how to handle things.
what the fuck is wrong with meee.
this is all so dumb. i probably should have just kept my mouth closed, and left it at nothing. because that is all i am and will ever be to you....
a big
fat
nothing.
but
this is all just so stupid anyway.
so good night. i wonder what ill dream of.
i wish i could tell you how much i have missed you, and i wish i could tell you how sorry i am. i wish i knew what i really had found in you back in the day instead of throwing a friendship away over reasons i honestly can't say i remember because they were probably so trivial in the scheme of things. i wish i could reconnect with you somehow, because you always knew the right things to say. i wish i could go back in time, because even after all of these years of not speaking, i had the best memories with you. and i know that is sad and pathetic, but its the truth, and honesty can never back fire, i suppose. maybe it was just the feeling of being 16 and naive and new to the whole world around me. maybe those really were "the best days of our lives" and i just never realized it.
i wish i could tell you how you were the only true, real, and genuine friend i have ever had, and to be completely honest, i have yet to find anyone that can even come close to filling the void of my "best friend" since we had our falling out. to be honest, it still makes me sad to think about, and it makes me cry. and the part that makes me feel just SO dumb is i know you dont care or think about me anymore. even after all these years, when i went back to read the old bullshit, it made my heart drop, which is so weird because i cant remember the last time i felt something like that. i wish i didnt feel just so stupid. i probably havent even crossed your mind in years, and you have probably been better off without me, too. but i've had many friends that i had called my "best friends" but none of those friendships ever lasted, and it makes me wonder what the hell is so wrong with me that i have such a difficult time keeping friends. i go through friends like some chicks go through boyfriends, and it is really, truly, pathetic and sad.
i wish i could tell you that losing you was a million times worse than losing any stupid boyfriend i ever had. i wish you would read this, and wonder if its about you. i wonder if you ever felt the same. i wonder if you ever missed me, missed me being around, missed hanging out with me. probably not, because i was a dumb bitch. i am just too much of a coward to try to talk to you, or even friend you on facebook, because i am scared of the nasty reaction i might get from you (and i totally deserve that) but i wish i had a time machine, and i would've made sure to have never lost you. i just wish we could pick up where we left off, like nothing ever changed.
i wish i didnt feel so embarrassed & out of place & just overall dumb.
oh well. no one knows who or what im talking about, and it is probably best it be kept that way. i dont even know if i know anyone on here anymore, and i just thought that maybe, just maybe one day you'd stumble across this, and you would be able to say "i told you so" because you have been right all along.
there was just something about being your wing man that made me feel like we were invincible. or once again, maybe that's just what it is like to be 16. the weirdest thing, is i still remember the day we became best friends like it was yesterday. i remember telling you, or something along these lines, "i want you to be my best friend" and sadly, i remember the last day we were friends like it was yesterday too. after almost 21 years of being alive, you've still been the only person that i have ever had a deafening silence with on the drive home. not even the worst fight with the worst boyfriend was ever bad enough to create a silence that could kill. i guess i just had all of these feelings and emotions that i just didnt know how to handle, and oh, i wish i was smarter and knew how to handle things.
what the fuck is wrong with meee.
this is all so dumb. i probably should have just kept my mouth closed, and left it at nothing. because that is all i am and will ever be to you....
a big
fat
nothing.
but
this is all just so stupid anyway.
so good night. i wonder what ill dream of.