with nothing but your t shirt on....
my birthday is in one week. i don't know why i put so much importance and emphasis on my birthday. it just stresses me out. i mean, a birthday is just another day of the year, right? maybe it's because i've had the worst birthdays for as long as i can remember them. let's see... on my 14th birthday i had mono and couldn't even eat a bite of my birthday cake. i didn't get to see any friends or any family. my 15th birthday consisted of absolutely nothing. on my 16th birthday, i got dumped by my ex boyfriend. on my 17th birthday, some douche bag guy called me fat and ugly and made fun of the makeup i was wearing (which is a big deal when your drunk and 17.) on my 18th birthday, i had a shithead boyfriend who didn't do anything for my birthday or get me anything because i was in solfa while he was in gville. on my 19th birthday, my roommates and my boyfriend got into a huge argument over what was supposed to be a surprise birthday party for me, and resulting in my boyfriend getting thrown out of my dorm by RA's and my roommates yelling at me telling me that I am in trouble and need to go speak to my RA for yelling at everyone. and now, i'm going to be 20, and nothing has changed. my boyfriend of a year and i just decided to take a break for a while, so once again, i will be alone on my birthday. i have a midterm on my birthday for economics, and a quiz in my educational technology class. i have class on my birthday from 12:20 unitl 5:45. i have nothing planned for my birthday. no parties (i was supposed to have a giant party this weekend at the ex bf's house but it's obvious why that isn't happening anymore). i just want to have a fun, happy birthday for the first time. please. why is that so much to ask? i thought birthdays were supposed to be ALL ABOUT YOU. getting treated like royalty, feeling special. there will be no presents. there will be no cake (unless i buy it or make it myself) and most importantly, there will be no one i care about with me. no mom, no dad, no brother, no sister in law, no niece, no love of my life.
i had a dream the other night that the walls to my apartment were beginning to crumble and break into pieces. eventually, my entire apartment crumbled down in front of me, leaving a giant mess. i am taking that as a symbolism of how my life is right now. a complete and utter mess.
in other news, i really want to join a sorority. i really want to be on the FSU majorette line, but can't get myself to commit to band practice every single fucking day. too much time. i want to dance ballet again. i want to dye my hair really really really blonde. i need a change, a big change, and i want to go blonde. i want to lose 20 pounds and be a model. i want breast implants, but will never get them. i pretty much want to be someone i am not, and probably never will be. depressing, right? tell me about it.
i had a dream the other night that the walls to my apartment were beginning to crumble and break into pieces. eventually, my entire apartment crumbled down in front of me, leaving a giant mess. i am taking that as a symbolism of how my life is right now. a complete and utter mess.
in other news, i really want to join a sorority. i really want to be on the FSU majorette line, but can't get myself to commit to band practice every single fucking day. too much time. i want to dance ballet again. i want to dye my hair really really really blonde. i need a change, a big change, and i want to go blonde. i want to lose 20 pounds and be a model. i want breast implants, but will never get them. i pretty much want to be someone i am not, and probably never will be. depressing, right? tell me about it.