(no subject)
Mood: jumpy, tired but wide awake, nostalgic
Music: nothing. Pretty quiet here.
Location: in bed at my apartment in Tucson
I seriously haven't written in here since before I graduated from college almost three years ago. WOW. A new Megan record. I don't know yet if I've got anything to say right now, but I always feel like I have to get something done on paper (or computer?), so I guess I've got to start again somewhere.
I downloaded the LJ app on my phone. I was soooo relieved to see my entire journal still in tact. One of my biggest fears is that this journal will somehow be deleted and I will have lost everything. My memory is awful and so in losing this journal, I'd lose memories. it is hard, looking back at certain things, people, and situations, to separate fact from fiction. I can't trust myself to supply myself with factual memories. I fully rely on what I've written in the past to supplement my memory bank. How awful! Most of the time I will tell myself that certain things happened or must've happened, and I don't believe myself. I think most of the time I am lying to myself. Lord knows why (or how!)
Things have been good. Not bad, not great; just good. Sometimes, good is all you can ask for. I think God is giving me (or putting me through a time of non-excitement) to give me time to focus on me, and to build a better Megan. I think I'm well on my way. I know I'm quite capable of making anything I want manifest itself, I just have to stop being so lazy about everything. I will sleep when I'm dead. Now is the time to live. I have to make more time for myself and to figure out what I have to do in order to get what I want. I don't really know what I want...still. And I'm nearly 25.5 years old (which scares the daylights out of me...sounds sooo old!)
I like a much older woman again. And she's straight, as usual. Or so she says. It doesn't even matter. There was one woman in my past that I still, to this very minute, only have a heart for. And she has a girlfriend. I know I will see her again. I just don't know when or how or if I'm going to have to make that happen, or I'd it just will by itself like things in my life usually do.
My family is great. My dad, my grandma, and Kennedy, are my loves. And my dogs. I am blessed to have such beautiful souls in my life.
I have to work in exactly eight hours, so I suppose I should sleep. I'm glad to be writing again and I hope it becomes addictive again; I hope it sticks.
Goodnight
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.