Ramble ramble ramble.
So those jobs that I went for an interview for? Two of them have called my supervisor at uni for a reference. I hadn't told him I was applying for any jobs and his response to me was.. interesting. Basically, he said there's no point in applying for jobs because there's only a certain point in a company that I can rise to whilst not having a phd, and they'll get me to do all the crap jobs: debugging code, etc. I'll pretty much hate it and it will be pointless. I'm not sure if that's true. I don't know anything about working life, it could be true? But I also don't know anything about doing a phd, either. I know that I've lost motivation now, at the end of honours. So how could I get the motivation to do a 3+ year phd?
Erhgh.
I believe I should just do what I want to do. Do what makes you happy. Blah blah. Like, I don't think you can be successful at something unless you enjoy it (or have some other motive, revenge, proving something, whatever, but generally I think you have to like it). Anyway, I should just do what I want to do and what would make me happy. But, I don't really know what would make me happy.
I know that I want to have a different life than I have now. I know I like being away from home. I like being away from people that I know well (crazy, or what?). When I think about being happy in the future, I think about beginning again.
And you know what just occured to me? I can't stay in a relationship for a long period of time, and I can't be in any one place, doing the same thing for a long period of time. I like the process of falling in love with someone and getting to know someone, finding out things I didn't know about them before, seeing reactions that I haven't seen before, when everything's new and fresh and they don't treat me different based on what they've experienced with me in the past - because they haven't experienced anything with me yet! I also like starting again in a new place, getting to know people, when they don't have any predispositions about me. And change. I like change. I like things that I don't know yet and don't already have. And, on a side note, I don't like to feel like there's anything unattainable.
And yeah, there's other things I like too, to the point where there are upsides and downsides to everything that I decide to do next year and for the rest of my life (obvious, huh?). For example, I would love to go traveling, I think about going to Europe and working from job to job, country to country for a year or two. I could get IT jobs anywhere. But then, what's the point? In five year's time, I could have a phd, or I could have gone traveling and working and not saving any money, and have no money and no phd. So there's downsides to everything if I think about it enough. My compromise to this is to do a phd elsewhere. Out of Adelaide. This is something I've mentioned doing before. And I really rank it as the best thing I could do at the moment.
Anyway. I'm not going to do anything unless I get this thesis done and I have zero motivation.
Erhgh.
I believe I should just do what I want to do. Do what makes you happy. Blah blah. Like, I don't think you can be successful at something unless you enjoy it (or have some other motive, revenge, proving something, whatever, but generally I think you have to like it). Anyway, I should just do what I want to do and what would make me happy. But, I don't really know what would make me happy.
I know that I want to have a different life than I have now. I know I like being away from home. I like being away from people that I know well (crazy, or what?). When I think about being happy in the future, I think about beginning again.
And you know what just occured to me? I can't stay in a relationship for a long period of time, and I can't be in any one place, doing the same thing for a long period of time. I like the process of falling in love with someone and getting to know someone, finding out things I didn't know about them before, seeing reactions that I haven't seen before, when everything's new and fresh and they don't treat me different based on what they've experienced with me in the past - because they haven't experienced anything with me yet! I also like starting again in a new place, getting to know people, when they don't have any predispositions about me. And change. I like change. I like things that I don't know yet and don't already have. And, on a side note, I don't like to feel like there's anything unattainable.
And yeah, there's other things I like too, to the point where there are upsides and downsides to everything that I decide to do next year and for the rest of my life (obvious, huh?). For example, I would love to go traveling, I think about going to Europe and working from job to job, country to country for a year or two. I could get IT jobs anywhere. But then, what's the point? In five year's time, I could have a phd, or I could have gone traveling and working and not saving any money, and have no money and no phd. So there's downsides to everything if I think about it enough. My compromise to this is to do a phd elsewhere. Out of Adelaide. This is something I've mentioned doing before. And I really rank it as the best thing I could do at the moment.
Anyway. I'm not going to do anything unless I get this thesis done and I have zero motivation.