half of
it is awkward - it will be here long after us, i suspect. and i'll look at it or think about it and worry or sigh or cringe or have to look away
i don't want to say the things i'm thinking. they're negative and fatalistic and they involve looking back. i said them to her because there are few things i don't. she knows all the emotionality and none of the physical and that's how we work.
and it is awkward, this audience and performance. never what i intended. always the anonymity and vagueries of faceless interaction.
(i dont want to make it sound like im saying awful things or that there is anything but the greatest wave of feeling - but i feel ungreatful and undeserving and altogether disoriented)
oh irony
i want to read things and write more. force myself toward some stunning sunrise of a recognition.
i want to be able to disassociate things with things and live in what i'm doing
so afriad they were the best years, all those hopeless desperate clinging nights of driving and light and malcontent
chaos unending
i don't want to say the things i'm thinking. they're negative and fatalistic and they involve looking back. i said them to her because there are few things i don't. she knows all the emotionality and none of the physical and that's how we work.
and it is awkward, this audience and performance. never what i intended. always the anonymity and vagueries of faceless interaction.
(i dont want to make it sound like im saying awful things or that there is anything but the greatest wave of feeling - but i feel ungreatful and undeserving and altogether disoriented)
oh irony
i want to read things and write more. force myself toward some stunning sunrise of a recognition.
i want to be able to disassociate things with things and live in what i'm doing
so afriad they were the best years, all those hopeless desperate clinging nights of driving and light and malcontent
chaos unending