it's not what you think.
okay, i got a few complaints.
i've come to the conclusion that in telling the backstory of the original trilogy, george lucas has forever fucked up star wars for me. it doesn't make any sense at all. i watched return of the jedi today in an attempt to get some more insight into what's going to happen in episode III. from what i've seen in the episode III trailer, darth sidious, who becomes the emperor, gets into a pretty dazzling lightsaber fight with yoda in the senate chamber. the fight involves lightsabers, lightning, and from what i can tell, at least a couple backflips. does george lucas mean to tell us that just about 25 years later (based on a rough time line determined by myself) darth sidious is just gonna fucking do nothing when a one-armed darth vader picks his ass up and chucks him into the deep recesses of the second death star? and is 25 years all it takes for yoda to become a feeble old whatever-the-hell-race-yoda-is and die in a mud hutt in the swamps of degobah? he was on the fucking jedi council!!
moving on to the problems of luke being a jedi. a process that once took many, many, many years and started with very young children has now been condensed into a crash course that a seventeen year old can master in about six years (based on a rough timeline determined by myself). what the fuck? luke is the last hope in the universe against the sith and they give him a GED in the force and send him against the fucking emperor?!? and not to mention, after twenty five years most people still know what the fuck the old republic was like and what happened to all the jedi. so when ben kenobi starts hacking off arms in mos isley cantinas or when luke shows up at jabba's palace with a lightsaber shouldn't people go "holy shit! it's a fucking jedi!" and not, "it's a jedi, so what? they were only supposedly slaughtered by darth vader a while back." it doesn't make any fucking sense. and certainly, like, without a doubt, everyone's gotta know what the fuck the name skywalker means. in all luke's time running around the with the rebel alliance he didn't run into a single person who said "wait a minute, you're name's luke what?"
some other things, boba fett was always a cult favorite in the original trilogy. he didn't say much, he really didn't do much, but he was a bad ass like no other. and he had a pimped out ride to boot. now, with the prequel trilogy we're introduced to jango fett, boba's "father". he was pretty much the same thing, only he was from new zealand and his armor was a shining silver and blue, as opposed to the dusty and scarred green armor of boba fett, a throwback to how grand and prestine the old republic was "before the dark times. before the empire". in the prequel trilogy we also learn that jango fett is the original specimen that all the stormtroopers are cloned from. what? you mean to tell me that boba fett's dad was bad ass enough to have a whole army cloned from him, and then his clone "son" gets accidentally knocked into the goddamn sarlaac pit by a sight-depraved han solo? now, aaron, i know you're gonna want to chime in at this point with your fucking bullshit about you read a book where boba fett actually escaped the sarlaac pit, but that doesn't count. it totally ruins boba fett. you'd think that maybe he wouldn't want to help darth vader or the empire. you'd think maybe he would've rebelled against people who were using clone armies of himself. you'd think he'd be pissed off. he saw his fuckin' dad get decapitated for christ's sake. you think he'd at least get more screen time! but no.
because george lucas is an idiot who wrote a trilogy that needed some serious setting up, only to go back and write a backstory that turns the original classic trilogy into an exercise in premature ejaculation. the redemption of anakin skywalker, as we now understand it based upon the prequel trilogy, something that could've been a great dramatic opus, now feels like an insult. it isn't the blissful intercouse it once was, now it's just george lucas jerking us off. and i don't like to be jerked off by anyone but me. there's probably a lot more i could say but i can't think of it at the moment. i'll update when it comes to mind.
with that said, i can't wait to see episode III. it looks fuckin' bad ass.
i've come to the conclusion that in telling the backstory of the original trilogy, george lucas has forever fucked up star wars for me. it doesn't make any sense at all. i watched return of the jedi today in an attempt to get some more insight into what's going to happen in episode III. from what i've seen in the episode III trailer, darth sidious, who becomes the emperor, gets into a pretty dazzling lightsaber fight with yoda in the senate chamber. the fight involves lightsabers, lightning, and from what i can tell, at least a couple backflips. does george lucas mean to tell us that just about 25 years later (based on a rough time line determined by myself) darth sidious is just gonna fucking do nothing when a one-armed darth vader picks his ass up and chucks him into the deep recesses of the second death star? and is 25 years all it takes for yoda to become a feeble old whatever-the-hell-race-yoda-is and die in a mud hutt in the swamps of degobah? he was on the fucking jedi council!!
moving on to the problems of luke being a jedi. a process that once took many, many, many years and started with very young children has now been condensed into a crash course that a seventeen year old can master in about six years (based on a rough timeline determined by myself). what the fuck? luke is the last hope in the universe against the sith and they give him a GED in the force and send him against the fucking emperor?!? and not to mention, after twenty five years most people still know what the fuck the old republic was like and what happened to all the jedi. so when ben kenobi starts hacking off arms in mos isley cantinas or when luke shows up at jabba's palace with a lightsaber shouldn't people go "holy shit! it's a fucking jedi!" and not, "it's a jedi, so what? they were only supposedly slaughtered by darth vader a while back." it doesn't make any fucking sense. and certainly, like, without a doubt, everyone's gotta know what the fuck the name skywalker means. in all luke's time running around the with the rebel alliance he didn't run into a single person who said "wait a minute, you're name's luke what?"
some other things, boba fett was always a cult favorite in the original trilogy. he didn't say much, he really didn't do much, but he was a bad ass like no other. and he had a pimped out ride to boot. now, with the prequel trilogy we're introduced to jango fett, boba's "father". he was pretty much the same thing, only he was from new zealand and his armor was a shining silver and blue, as opposed to the dusty and scarred green armor of boba fett, a throwback to how grand and prestine the old republic was "before the dark times. before the empire". in the prequel trilogy we also learn that jango fett is the original specimen that all the stormtroopers are cloned from. what? you mean to tell me that boba fett's dad was bad ass enough to have a whole army cloned from him, and then his clone "son" gets accidentally knocked into the goddamn sarlaac pit by a sight-depraved han solo? now, aaron, i know you're gonna want to chime in at this point with your fucking bullshit about you read a book where boba fett actually escaped the sarlaac pit, but that doesn't count. it totally ruins boba fett. you'd think that maybe he wouldn't want to help darth vader or the empire. you'd think maybe he would've rebelled against people who were using clone armies of himself. you'd think he'd be pissed off. he saw his fuckin' dad get decapitated for christ's sake. you think he'd at least get more screen time! but no.
because george lucas is an idiot who wrote a trilogy that needed some serious setting up, only to go back and write a backstory that turns the original classic trilogy into an exercise in premature ejaculation. the redemption of anakin skywalker, as we now understand it based upon the prequel trilogy, something that could've been a great dramatic opus, now feels like an insult. it isn't the blissful intercouse it once was, now it's just george lucas jerking us off. and i don't like to be jerked off by anyone but me. there's probably a lot more i could say but i can't think of it at the moment. i'll update when it comes to mind.
with that said, i can't wait to see episode III. it looks fuckin' bad ass.