More Musings...
I guess the best way I can describe this complex trickery of emotions is "calm frustration."
I feel like my life is in some sort of a holding pattern, yet the reason(s) is/are beyond my intuitive comprehension. For the past couple of months, I've been working on re-discovering the life I had before Bells Palsy; now I've been quite rudely introduced to migraines, and I'm left shrugging my metaphysical shoulders.
I'm so eager to continue on my path of self-discovery, yet my spirit's holding-up two signs..."stop" and "yield." I'm not at all angry, put-out or otherwise upset...I....
...I just wish I knew what to do. I've learned not to take things too personally, that's not healthy for my blood-pressure.
My love life (which has always been at the forefront of my consciousness) is non-existent.
In quick retrospect, I'm not sure I'd want to get involved with someone, since I'm not centered and sure of myself. That's not to say my self-confidence is shot, I'm just not in a place where I should start anything that would be considered "romantic."
At this point, I'm not sure I'll be in a good place to *fully* enjoy Dreamtime or Dragonfest. Sure, July and August *seem* far away, but it felt like March jumped right through April and into the middle of May. Maybe I'm meant to spend both festivals in quiet solitude, but at this point, it's irrelevant. Hopefully by then I will re-discover the Ryan I knew before the left side of my face quit working...although I doubt even the Universe - in all its beautiful wisdom - knows the answer to that question. Perhaps my doubt lies in being disconnected from it, but it's difficult to see the beautiful sunset behind the Rocky Mountains when a 10-foot wall stands right in front of you.
I feel like my life is in some sort of a holding pattern, yet the reason(s) is/are beyond my intuitive comprehension. For the past couple of months, I've been working on re-discovering the life I had before Bells Palsy; now I've been quite rudely introduced to migraines, and I'm left shrugging my metaphysical shoulders.
I'm so eager to continue on my path of self-discovery, yet my spirit's holding-up two signs..."stop" and "yield." I'm not at all angry, put-out or otherwise upset...I....
...I just wish I knew what to do. I've learned not to take things too personally, that's not healthy for my blood-pressure.
My love life (which has always been at the forefront of my consciousness) is non-existent.
In quick retrospect, I'm not sure I'd want to get involved with someone, since I'm not centered and sure of myself. That's not to say my self-confidence is shot, I'm just not in a place where I should start anything that would be considered "romantic."
At this point, I'm not sure I'll be in a good place to *fully* enjoy Dreamtime or Dragonfest. Sure, July and August *seem* far away, but it felt like March jumped right through April and into the middle of May. Maybe I'm meant to spend both festivals in quiet solitude, but at this point, it's irrelevant. Hopefully by then I will re-discover the Ryan I knew before the left side of my face quit working...although I doubt even the Universe - in all its beautiful wisdom - knows the answer to that question. Perhaps my doubt lies in being disconnected from it, but it's difficult to see the beautiful sunset behind the Rocky Mountains when a 10-foot wall stands right in front of you.