meta: what's the deal with this pop life, yo--playacting the gay
Reposted here at pensnest's request!
Someone on my flist posted this morning re: emo boybanders playing gay, and as per my usual, I've now thought WAY too much about it in both a personal and political sense, so I have A Theory. We'll call this Andrea's Theory on Faking the Gay. Or something. In honor of Lance Bass and his new "making the (gay) band" show.
1) There are two questions to this, and I'm editing this late in the game by request, so I'm not sure how much sense this post will make at this point BUT... let's suppose that straight emo boybanders "played gay" or participated in some "stage gay" at their concerts. How does that make me feel personally and politically?
Okay, I'm willing to make myself really incredibly unpopular here by saying: it offends me. It offends me because I AM queer, and a lot of actual queer people go through a whole lot of heartbreak and trauma just for being who they are, while these guys get to PLAY at it without taking on any of the risk. In one way, how empowering for them! In another, bigger, more personal way--how insulting, to use and exploit queerness to garner fans and popularity and money, to project an image of glam rock sensibilities without actually having to "make love in gay style," as my favorite fictional bisexual glam rocker would say. Oh, Curt Wild, I love you.
Anyway, so yes, breaking gender barriers is one thing, but exploiting queerness for your own sake is degrading and insulting, in my opinion. There are ways to break gender barriers WITHOUT exploiting a minority group: ie Prince, Bowie, *cough* JC. And I think maybe partly it's because a lot of emo boybanders are so young that they don't quite understand the difference between gender and queerness, and because they're not (admittedly) queer, they don't understand how playing at being queer could be offensive.
Of course, I'm not the kind of person who allows that ignorance of a subject or its connotations lets someone off the hook, so. Yeah. It offends me.
If, for example, these boys went on stage and played at being black--imagine the outrage then. To me, it's the same thing. It's like performing in black face. Offensive and disgusting and unacceptable, because it inherently mocks and exploits a minority group. As neverneverfic pointed out: "But they are treating queerness like a performance, like a mantle you can wear and then take off whenever you want. It's safe for them because they have girlfriends. It's not about actual desire but instead performance. And that's fucked up. I think if any of them were actually gay they wouldn't be playing it so gay on stage and that's a problem."
Yes, and this is what bugs me. Because for a lot of people, being gay isn't a PERFORMANCE. It's who you are and it's not something you can just discard once the music stops. To me, it's the same as, again, performing in black face. It's offensive, period, and it's not doing anything to help promote understanding and acceptance of real-life queer people. It maybe promotes understanding and acceptance of straight boys pretending to be gay... and that gets us exactly no where. We in fandom already do this quite enough, and we can see how very little political impact we have as a group.
2) And secondly, how would that make someone like Lance Bass, who spent years hiding his sexual orientation, feel, to see people playing at being gay on stage?
It's so hard to wrap my brain around this question without knowing Lance on a personal level, but if it were me (sort of IS me...), I would feel... angry that they're basically mocking (whether meaning to or not) a situation that was very real and hard for him to go through; jealous that they can get away with it; and ANGRY that they can get away with it because they're straight. A gay man can't (or is made to feel like he can't) be gay in a boyband on stage, but straight men CAN. And that says something about our society--that it's okay for straight men to play at being gay as long as they have relationships with girls and aren't *actually* gay, but it's not okay for a gay man to be himself and be honest.
In the end, I should say, yeah, I don't know a whole lot about the personal lives of these guys except that none of them are openly queer ie having queer relationships, and Pete Wentz, just for example, has said over and over that he'll make out with anyone but he's not going to be touching any dicks. So for him, at least, to play at being queer while denying all ACTUAL queerness--yeah, that bugs me. But soooo many things about Wentz bother me that this bit is really just another item on the list.
I go back and forth on the subject, really. Of course, choosing a heterosexual relationship doesn't *negate* queerness, but on the other hand, none of them are willing to come out and say, "Yes, I'm pretty gay" or even "I'm sort of bi", and until they do (and that's a BIG 'until' because I don't think they will...) I will continue to find it offensive that they're playing at being queer.
It's a personal issue for me. I want kids to have queer role models and to see that people from all walks of life, including guys in their favorite bands, are queer, too. But I want those guys to ACTUALLY be queer if they're going to play at it, otherwise it just feels really exploitative, whether it's for money or fans or simply their own amusement. I don't pretend to know why they're doing it, but I know how it makes me feel, and that is: not good. Exploited, and a little angry. I'm sure they don't mean for it to incite these emotions, but we're working towards equality and anti-discrimination laws for queers, and this play acting just feels like a slap in the face of that. It feels like rich, white, straight boys playing at being a minority, and it's just, yeah. Gross, in my opinion.
Only my opinion, of course, and the way I feel about it. I know I'm one of the few fandomers who think this way, and most of us are delighted by all the gay play. And there's nothing wrong with that; I'm not trying to imply that you're some horrible, anti-queer person if you enjoy the gay play. Not at all. I recognize that my views are my own, and nothing more, and that I have rather more radical views than even the average liberal person. Even than the average liberal queer person, probably. I'm offended by completely different things than other people and I'm extremely sensitive about queer issues, just so you know where I'm coming from and that this isn't meant to be a judgement on anyone OR on bandom (because by all means, PLEASE, enjoy the gay, I know I wish I could!); it's just the way I feel, personally and politically. I recognize that my opinion means exactly zero, and anyone is free to tell me to fuck off.
Someone on my flist posted this morning re: emo boybanders playing gay, and as per my usual, I've now thought WAY too much about it in both a personal and political sense, so I have A Theory. We'll call this Andrea's Theory on Faking the Gay. Or something. In honor of Lance Bass and his new "making the (gay) band" show.
1) There are two questions to this, and I'm editing this late in the game by request, so I'm not sure how much sense this post will make at this point BUT... let's suppose that straight emo boybanders "played gay" or participated in some "stage gay" at their concerts. How does that make me feel personally and politically?
Okay, I'm willing to make myself really incredibly unpopular here by saying: it offends me. It offends me because I AM queer, and a lot of actual queer people go through a whole lot of heartbreak and trauma just for being who they are, while these guys get to PLAY at it without taking on any of the risk. In one way, how empowering for them! In another, bigger, more personal way--how insulting, to use and exploit queerness to garner fans and popularity and money, to project an image of glam rock sensibilities without actually having to "make love in gay style," as my favorite fictional bisexual glam rocker would say. Oh, Curt Wild, I love you.
Anyway, so yes, breaking gender barriers is one thing, but exploiting queerness for your own sake is degrading and insulting, in my opinion. There are ways to break gender barriers WITHOUT exploiting a minority group: ie Prince, Bowie, *cough* JC. And I think maybe partly it's because a lot of emo boybanders are so young that they don't quite understand the difference between gender and queerness, and because they're not (admittedly) queer, they don't understand how playing at being queer could be offensive.
Of course, I'm not the kind of person who allows that ignorance of a subject or its connotations lets someone off the hook, so. Yeah. It offends me.
If, for example, these boys went on stage and played at being black--imagine the outrage then. To me, it's the same thing. It's like performing in black face. Offensive and disgusting and unacceptable, because it inherently mocks and exploits a minority group. As neverneverfic pointed out: "But they are treating queerness like a performance, like a mantle you can wear and then take off whenever you want. It's safe for them because they have girlfriends. It's not about actual desire but instead performance. And that's fucked up. I think if any of them were actually gay they wouldn't be playing it so gay on stage and that's a problem."
Yes, and this is what bugs me. Because for a lot of people, being gay isn't a PERFORMANCE. It's who you are and it's not something you can just discard once the music stops. To me, it's the same as, again, performing in black face. It's offensive, period, and it's not doing anything to help promote understanding and acceptance of real-life queer people. It maybe promotes understanding and acceptance of straight boys pretending to be gay... and that gets us exactly no where. We in fandom already do this quite enough, and we can see how very little political impact we have as a group.
2) And secondly, how would that make someone like Lance Bass, who spent years hiding his sexual orientation, feel, to see people playing at being gay on stage?
It's so hard to wrap my brain around this question without knowing Lance on a personal level, but if it were me (sort of IS me...), I would feel... angry that they're basically mocking (whether meaning to or not) a situation that was very real and hard for him to go through; jealous that they can get away with it; and ANGRY that they can get away with it because they're straight. A gay man can't (or is made to feel like he can't) be gay in a boyband on stage, but straight men CAN. And that says something about our society--that it's okay for straight men to play at being gay as long as they have relationships with girls and aren't *actually* gay, but it's not okay for a gay man to be himself and be honest.
In the end, I should say, yeah, I don't know a whole lot about the personal lives of these guys except that none of them are openly queer ie having queer relationships, and Pete Wentz, just for example, has said over and over that he'll make out with anyone but he's not going to be touching any dicks. So for him, at least, to play at being queer while denying all ACTUAL queerness--yeah, that bugs me. But soooo many things about Wentz bother me that this bit is really just another item on the list.
I go back and forth on the subject, really. Of course, choosing a heterosexual relationship doesn't *negate* queerness, but on the other hand, none of them are willing to come out and say, "Yes, I'm pretty gay" or even "I'm sort of bi", and until they do (and that's a BIG 'until' because I don't think they will...) I will continue to find it offensive that they're playing at being queer.
It's a personal issue for me. I want kids to have queer role models and to see that people from all walks of life, including guys in their favorite bands, are queer, too. But I want those guys to ACTUALLY be queer if they're going to play at it, otherwise it just feels really exploitative, whether it's for money or fans or simply their own amusement. I don't pretend to know why they're doing it, but I know how it makes me feel, and that is: not good. Exploited, and a little angry. I'm sure they don't mean for it to incite these emotions, but we're working towards equality and anti-discrimination laws for queers, and this play acting just feels like a slap in the face of that. It feels like rich, white, straight boys playing at being a minority, and it's just, yeah. Gross, in my opinion.
Only my opinion, of course, and the way I feel about it. I know I'm one of the few fandomers who think this way, and most of us are delighted by all the gay play. And there's nothing wrong with that; I'm not trying to imply that you're some horrible, anti-queer person if you enjoy the gay play. Not at all. I recognize that my views are my own, and nothing more, and that I have rather more radical views than even the average liberal person. Even than the average liberal queer person, probably. I'm offended by completely different things than other people and I'm extremely sensitive about queer issues, just so you know where I'm coming from and that this isn't meant to be a judgement on anyone OR on bandom (because by all means, PLEASE, enjoy the gay, I know I wish I could!); it's just the way I feel, personally and politically. I recognize that my opinion means exactly zero, and anyone is free to tell me to fuck off.