The intro to my final ed law paper...
It’s the type of situation you learn to dread as a principal, a legal quagmire of epic proportions. The school attorney is on the phone. He needs all the documentation related to last weeks’ expulsion hearing to verify that due process rights were not violated. The union has left messages too. They sent an e-mail three days ago regarding a teacher’s poor evaluation and have filed a grievance with the district. Community members are setting up a picket line across the street to protest the newly-formed LGBT group. They brought along a few reporters, who want a couple sound bites and don’t care what you think about the Equal Access Act. Meanwhile, the students waiting in line outside your office seem to be growing impatient.
Joey is back for the second day in a row. He seems to think the First Amendment protects his right to shout, “Fuck You, Mr. Ortega” at the end of every class. Trina is in line too, munching down on a bag of Doritos. Mrs. Lo swears she smelled marijuana coming from her purse. Apu, the little Hindu kid, wants a word as well. He’s either being harassed by the school bully or has some suggestions for the prom décor. In hindsight, maybe allowing the junior class to choose the theme “Angels & Demons” wasn’t such a good idea.
Speaking of prom, you still need to approve the rules for “freak dancing” and send all the chaperones a link to the district’s sexual harassment policy. The nurse should probably send home those safe-sex pamphlets as well. Pastor Dobson and his gang won’t be happy, but right now, the last thing this school needs is a spike in teen pregnancies. The wrestling coach can’t force his squad to wear dresses, but the cheerleaders can come in tuxedos. That’s assuming, of course, any of the athletes are actually sober enough to pass the breathalyzer at the door. Maybe a random drug testing program is a good idea.
If, by some miracle you find time to take care of all this, the curriculum needs some attention too. The science teachers are requesting you write a formal letter to the school board opposing their recent comments on intelligent design. The technology team sent you a link to some video called “Shift Happens” and is interested in your reaction. There are also some disturbing reports circulating that a group of parents has filed an educational malpractice suit against the math department for failing to make AYP for the third year in a row. But all that will have to wait. The school attorney just reminded you to guard the main entrance during lunch time. A group of freshmen have been sneaking off campus to eat at McDonald’s, and he doesn’t want to face some ridiculous liability claim involving childhood obesity.
Joey is back for the second day in a row. He seems to think the First Amendment protects his right to shout, “Fuck You, Mr. Ortega” at the end of every class. Trina is in line too, munching down on a bag of Doritos. Mrs. Lo swears she smelled marijuana coming from her purse. Apu, the little Hindu kid, wants a word as well. He’s either being harassed by the school bully or has some suggestions for the prom décor. In hindsight, maybe allowing the junior class to choose the theme “Angels & Demons” wasn’t such a good idea.
Speaking of prom, you still need to approve the rules for “freak dancing” and send all the chaperones a link to the district’s sexual harassment policy. The nurse should probably send home those safe-sex pamphlets as well. Pastor Dobson and his gang won’t be happy, but right now, the last thing this school needs is a spike in teen pregnancies. The wrestling coach can’t force his squad to wear dresses, but the cheerleaders can come in tuxedos. That’s assuming, of course, any of the athletes are actually sober enough to pass the breathalyzer at the door. Maybe a random drug testing program is a good idea.
If, by some miracle you find time to take care of all this, the curriculum needs some attention too. The science teachers are requesting you write a formal letter to the school board opposing their recent comments on intelligent design. The technology team sent you a link to some video called “Shift Happens” and is interested in your reaction. There are also some disturbing reports circulating that a group of parents has filed an educational malpractice suit against the math department for failing to make AYP for the third year in a row. But all that will have to wait. The school attorney just reminded you to guard the main entrance during lunch time. A group of freshmen have been sneaking off campus to eat at McDonald’s, and he doesn’t want to face some ridiculous liability claim involving childhood obesity.