Terrible Day in the News OF SLUDGE
THIS IS TO SAY THAT THE EVENT I WITNESSED WAS MURKY AND ALMOST A NON-EVENT SINCE IT WAS INVISIBLE TO ANY BUT THE PILL WORMS AND OTHER SCAVENGERS OF THE MUCK. SO, AS I TRUDGED IN MY SLIMY BOOTS, THE EVENT WAS APPARENTLY SLIDING ALONG. HAD I NOT TAKEN THAT WAKE-UP CALL THAT MORNING, I WOULD HAVE BEEN SPARED THE INCONVENIENCE OF GETTING SMEARED WITH MUD UP TO MY ELBOWS. HAD I JUST STAYED IN BED, THE MORNING'S EVENT WITH ITS TERRIFYING ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS WOULD NOT HAVE MADE ME WANT TO TAKE A JACKHAMMER TO MY HEAD.