(no subject)
life has been pretty amazingly good lately. im sorry. it's just that i am afraid to leave now, i dont want things to change, which is inevitable. going abroad will change my perception of the world forever. i am excited. i am scared. i excited for all the new experiences, being in europe, meeting new people, going out to bars, being surrounded by beauty. i am scared for all the events that i will miss (like my sisters graduation, as well as brian and tara's), i am scared for the changes that will happen in my friendships from being away for a whole semester (i wont be at school with nicole until another year from now because she is going abroad in the fall), for my relationship (we can barely stand being apart 24 hours now, what happens when i dont see him for 2 1/2 months?), for lonliness, for my life.
last weekend when mike and i were drunk and he was feeling sick in the bathroom he looked up at me and said "im going to marry this girl. im sorry, that probably scares you, but i just know it. i am not going to be the one to end this. i am going to become a dual citizen and i am going to marry you." to which i kinda laughed slightly nervously and then said "i know." its comforting and extremely scary at the same time. i love him and he treats me better than anyother boyfriend i know that my friends have or that i have had, so i know it's a smart choice. i mean, it's not like we are going to get engaged anytime soon, im talking way long term; but there is still part of me that questions. the what if's. i love him, so i shouldnt be worried, but i start thinking about.. you know, the 'what if there is a guy out there who shares the same passion for skiing that i do..' etc. i dont think that i'd just be settling if mike and i ended up together, he's a great guy, an amazing guy for sure; a rare find. why risk letting go of something so rare just so that i can meet with the same fate that people like switch and kate d., my amazing roomates are meeting. they are great people, but it is hard to find a guy good enough to treat them the way that they should be treated. then i think, well, we're still young.. but then again my mom met my dad her junior year in college. but could my married life already be decided? i know that it is up to me, but what if mike 'the one' and i just happened to discover it early on in life. i mean, his parents were high school sweethearts (god, dont get me started on that). but part of finding perfection so early in life is that it already ruins one of the suprises. i can no longer speculate or imagine how my life could end up. i mean, i can imagine it with, and it'd be quite amazing, so why do i doubt myself? probably because it is one of the biggest decisions in my life. who would have known that the boy that followed me home and randomly hooked up with could potentially end up being my future husband. go figure. i guess the major test will be sevilla. we'll see how we fair. for my birthday he got me a nightgown and a nice soft top and on top of that a white gold bracelet which is gorgeous. i couldnt believe it. on top of that, he bought it all before we even started school in late august. wow. there are no words for this kid. alright, now that i have spent a significant amount of time detailing my latest dilemmas instead of doing homework i must go. except i will mention the fact that i have a meeting with the dean this friday due to 2 citations my room recieved because of my birdthday party. buzz kill. that is all for now.
last weekend when mike and i were drunk and he was feeling sick in the bathroom he looked up at me and said "im going to marry this girl. im sorry, that probably scares you, but i just know it. i am not going to be the one to end this. i am going to become a dual citizen and i am going to marry you." to which i kinda laughed slightly nervously and then said "i know." its comforting and extremely scary at the same time. i love him and he treats me better than anyother boyfriend i know that my friends have or that i have had, so i know it's a smart choice. i mean, it's not like we are going to get engaged anytime soon, im talking way long term; but there is still part of me that questions. the what if's. i love him, so i shouldnt be worried, but i start thinking about.. you know, the 'what if there is a guy out there who shares the same passion for skiing that i do..' etc. i dont think that i'd just be settling if mike and i ended up together, he's a great guy, an amazing guy for sure; a rare find. why risk letting go of something so rare just so that i can meet with the same fate that people like switch and kate d., my amazing roomates are meeting. they are great people, but it is hard to find a guy good enough to treat them the way that they should be treated. then i think, well, we're still young.. but then again my mom met my dad her junior year in college. but could my married life already be decided? i know that it is up to me, but what if mike 'the one' and i just happened to discover it early on in life. i mean, his parents were high school sweethearts (god, dont get me started on that). but part of finding perfection so early in life is that it already ruins one of the suprises. i can no longer speculate or imagine how my life could end up. i mean, i can imagine it with, and it'd be quite amazing, so why do i doubt myself? probably because it is one of the biggest decisions in my life. who would have known that the boy that followed me home and randomly hooked up with could potentially end up being my future husband. go figure. i guess the major test will be sevilla. we'll see how we fair. for my birthday he got me a nightgown and a nice soft top and on top of that a white gold bracelet which is gorgeous. i couldnt believe it. on top of that, he bought it all before we even started school in late august. wow. there are no words for this kid. alright, now that i have spent a significant amount of time detailing my latest dilemmas instead of doing homework i must go. except i will mention the fact that i have a meeting with the dean this friday due to 2 citations my room recieved because of my birdthday party. buzz kill. that is all for now.