A letter to my adoring fans...
Dear women of America,
What, the FUCK!?!?!?! Can I not catch a fucking break!!? Can I not, just ONCE, say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time? OOh, you're so busy, or you "just don't like me that way" or, my favorite..."I really really value you as a friend, I think you're great, and I could never imagine not knowing you...and that's why I'm NOT going to date you." JESUS CHRIST!!!! Is it really too much to ask, just once, to meet someone who is NOT crazy?? Is it really too much to ask, JUST ONCE, to meet someone who DOES like me that way? I swear to god, I just can't win. No matter what I do, I CAN'T WIN. I do everything right. I join clubs, I go out, I go to parties, I get numbers. I'm intelligent, I'm respectful, and I'm not a SCUMBAG like some people. I flirt, I talk, I ask about your day, I even try really really hard not to stare at your boobs when I'm talking to you!! And what do I get in return? JACK SHIT!!! I get the SHAFT!!! I get "Gee, I really like you, but I'm just sooo busy right now, not too busy to date what's his face last week, but definitely too busy to date you." What the hell is that? I get, "Gee, I'm so gald we're friends so I can cry to you about the asshole I'm dating." I get, "Yeah, I'll totally call you back later......" followed by three weeks of absolute silence. What the hell do you want from me? WHAT???!!!!!!! Tell me what to do!!! You want me to be nice? You want me to be an ass hole? You want me smoke, or play the drums, or ride a motorcycle, or be a millionaire? JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!!!! "Oh, just be yourself," you say. HA HA HA! You think I haven't tried that? That was the first thing I tried! "Be yourself," mommy said. "Just be yourself, and people will like you for who you are." BULLSHIT, MOM!!! Better advice would have been "Be whatever the fuck you want, it doesn't matter, just get used to being alone, because THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA STAY!!!!" I wouldn't say that I can't handle rejection. To the contrary, I believe I've become quite adept at it over the years. But one can only take so much. One after another after another....always trying, always busting my ass, always hoping....and always getting the same response. Always watching what I want and deserve, go to someone less worthy. That's right, boyfriends of America, I AM BETTER THAN YOU!! I deserve what you have, MORE THAN YOU DO!!!! And yet I am left out in the cold. It's almost more than I can take. I feel like this next straw could be the last. I feel like I'm about to break. And when I do, they'll find a list in my blood stained back pocket with the names of every single person who drove me to it. I hope you're all very very proud of yourselves. Fuck you. Fuck you all.
-Patrick
What, the FUCK!?!?!?! Can I not catch a fucking break!!? Can I not, just ONCE, say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time? OOh, you're so busy, or you "just don't like me that way" or, my favorite..."I really really value you as a friend, I think you're great, and I could never imagine not knowing you...and that's why I'm NOT going to date you." JESUS CHRIST!!!! Is it really too much to ask, just once, to meet someone who is NOT crazy?? Is it really too much to ask, JUST ONCE, to meet someone who DOES like me that way? I swear to god, I just can't win. No matter what I do, I CAN'T WIN. I do everything right. I join clubs, I go out, I go to parties, I get numbers. I'm intelligent, I'm respectful, and I'm not a SCUMBAG like some people. I flirt, I talk, I ask about your day, I even try really really hard not to stare at your boobs when I'm talking to you!! And what do I get in return? JACK SHIT!!! I get the SHAFT!!! I get "Gee, I really like you, but I'm just sooo busy right now, not too busy to date what's his face last week, but definitely too busy to date you." What the hell is that? I get, "Gee, I'm so gald we're friends so I can cry to you about the asshole I'm dating." I get, "Yeah, I'll totally call you back later......" followed by three weeks of absolute silence. What the hell do you want from me? WHAT???!!!!!!! Tell me what to do!!! You want me to be nice? You want me to be an ass hole? You want me smoke, or play the drums, or ride a motorcycle, or be a millionaire? JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!!!! "Oh, just be yourself," you say. HA HA HA! You think I haven't tried that? That was the first thing I tried! "Be yourself," mommy said. "Just be yourself, and people will like you for who you are." BULLSHIT, MOM!!! Better advice would have been "Be whatever the fuck you want, it doesn't matter, just get used to being alone, because THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA STAY!!!!" I wouldn't say that I can't handle rejection. To the contrary, I believe I've become quite adept at it over the years. But one can only take so much. One after another after another....always trying, always busting my ass, always hoping....and always getting the same response. Always watching what I want and deserve, go to someone less worthy. That's right, boyfriends of America, I AM BETTER THAN YOU!! I deserve what you have, MORE THAN YOU DO!!!! And yet I am left out in the cold. It's almost more than I can take. I feel like this next straw could be the last. I feel like I'm about to break. And when I do, they'll find a list in my blood stained back pocket with the names of every single person who drove me to it. I hope you're all very very proud of yourselves. Fuck you. Fuck you all.
-Patrick