entry 022 - bones [1/3]
Title: Keep Breathing [1/3]
Fandom: Bones
Characters: Sweets, Bones, Booth
Rating: G
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Booth/Brennan
Spoilers: Episode spoilers that aren't out yet, but you'd know about if you participate in 206_bones
Summary: You can’t help but think of Booth’s admonish of love towards you. It hurts. That’s why you don’t want Booth proposing,”
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own, because if I did, the main characters would have gotten together by now. -Sigh-
"He's proposing tonight," I state, feeling my throat restrict and my heart slowly stop beating. I know it isn't logically, scientifically possible but I can still feel it happening. I can still feel the truth settling in the pit of my stomach. It isn't something I can't accept.
"Tell me, why do you feel bad about that?" He questions, crossing his leg over his other leg. He's more laid back, which isn't unusual for him. He's serious about this, knowing that I need him to be. He's waiting for an answer from me and I have no idea what to say. It isn't like I love this man, because I don't.
"You don't love him? I thought otherwise," He replies. I never realized I spoke my thought aloud. I look up into his eyes and there's some sort of emotion in them. In his eyes are knowing truths about something I don't know about or understand. A hidden meaning that is meant for me to figure out. A meaning in which he knows that if I accept, I'm finally accepting the fact of something I have been trying to hide for a really long time. Can I do that?
"How do you feel about him proposing tonight, doctor?" He asks me one more time. My breathing picks up and I clench my fists together. I really don't know what to say to him. I have no idea how to respond to his inane questions and I have no idea how to handle his abrupt truths through his eyes and his vocals. Even his body language, something I was never exceptional at reading, shows that he's trying to make me understand something that I have no understanding of.
"Of course I don't love him, Lance. He's proposing tonight and..." I stop there, because I know that every word that is coming out of my mouth is a lie. Subconsciously, I'm not accepting it. He's proposing to this girl, and I need to learn to accept the rational of it. I need to accept the fact that he is in love with this girl, this woman, this...female that reminds everyone we know of myself. Sighing, I close my eyes and try my hardest not to break into tears. I am not one to break down crying because the man I've basically been with for most of my professional life might be leaving me.
"What are you afraid of?" He questions, shifting his position to either adequate his comfort ability or to adequate my response and his response and this whole circle of responses. I hear him ask me the same question again and I close my eyes tighter then what they already are. He used to ask me that, and I would answer him begrudgingly, knowing that if I answered honestly, I'd be letting him in. Now, he's proposing to someone, and I'm being asked the question by someone else.
"Dr. Brennan, what are you afraid of?" He asks one more time, before coming down to sit beside me on my office couch. We usually don't hold meetings in my office, but I felt like I couldn't escape the confines of it. I felt like it was my safe haven and leaving it would, ultimately, destroy me. What am I afraid of? Logically, I'm afraid of nothing. I've gone through a lot in my life, I know that. Everyone knows that.
"I have no idea, Sweets." I reply, finally opening my eyes. Lance Sweets is in front of me, his body twisting to face me. His eyes hold compassion and understanding, like he believes I'm heartbroken over this....proposal. Logically, scientifically, it is impossible for ones heart to break. Sweets knows that, and he understands that. I myself understand that. He has a small smile on his face, and his legs are crossed together. I never knew he could do something like that.
"You honestly have no idea about why you're afraid of Booth proposing?" I'm asked. I shake my head in a 'no' form and I know that Sweets knows that we both know that I'm lying my ass off at this moment. Whatever the case is though, it isn't like I can actually state my hypothesis and my facts out loud because that would be admitting something. Sure, I can admit something in my head, based on logic and perceptiveness and science and facts and even psychology, begrudgingly. However, admitting it out loud, all of this logic and facts, would be admitting something I'm not ready for.
"Dr. Brennan, I know why you don't want Booth to propose. Why you're so afraid of him proposing to Catharine. I know, and I'm going to tell you." He says, and I close my eyes. I can't handle that. I realize he's looking at me, seeking my permission and even though I absolutely don't want to, I give it to him anyways.
"You're afraid of this proposal, because you're afraid that Catharine is going to say yes and you, Dr. Brennan, can't handle that. Your whole relationship with Booth has been based on the underlying sexual tension you two have felt within each other, for each other. Your first glimpse at what it would have been like was under the mistletoe so long ago. You liked it, and you knew he liked it too, so you did everything you could to remain professional, even though, on the inside, you were dying because you wanted to be with Seeley Booth. The second time was when people always assumed that you two were partners and also, a couple. You both corrected them all of the time, but that never stopped you from wondering about the 'what-if's,' even though you are a more logical, non-emotional, factual kind of female. The third time was when he helped you out with your father and brother. The fourth was when he faked his death and the fifth time, the most important, crucial time, was when he had amnesia from his surgery. This was the most important time for you, because for once, you saw the way he looked at you. You were able to see how your life would be if, when he looked at you, you saw love in his eyes. Love, for you; and that made you feel exceptionally happy because it was like it was reciprocated. That slowly started to change though, and you had to get out of there. You went to Guatemala."
He stops there, and I feel like I cannot breathe. However, I find myself mumbling an near inaudible, "Then what?" before he continues.
"After you came back from your trip, you believed everything was fine. Then, on your first case back and on Booth's first case back, he states that he loves you. On the inside you're screaming with happiness, because you want it to be oh-so true. You want Booth to love you the way you're in love with him and your about to reply when Booth mistakes your silence for something other than happiness. He freaks out and before you know it, you're upset and deflated because you never caught his unhappiness so you believed he thought you mistook his love for something non-platonic. Shortly after, everything returns to normal with the regular underlying sexual tension between you two."
"Then he meets Catharine," I mumble, still trying my hardest to breathe.
"Then he meets Catharine. Everyone pretends to love her but everyone knows that she's just a replacement for you, which suits well with no one. It suits well with no one, especially you because you can't help but think of Booth's admonish of love towards you. It hurts. That's why you don't want Booth proposing," Sweets finishes. I don't really hear him, or understand him though. The facts tell me it is because of the fact that I can't breathe.
"Dr. Brennan, is everything okay?" I hear him question before falling to the floor.
"Someone get a medic!" He shouts before pushing down on my chest. I guess I couldn't really breathe at all.
Fandom: Bones
Characters: Sweets, Bones, Booth
Rating: G
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairing: Booth/Brennan
Spoilers: Episode spoilers that aren't out yet, but you'd know about if you participate in 206_bones
Summary: You can’t help but think of Booth’s admonish of love towards you. It hurts. That’s why you don’t want Booth proposing,”
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own, because if I did, the main characters would have gotten together by now. -Sigh-
"He's proposing tonight," I state, feeling my throat restrict and my heart slowly stop beating. I know it isn't logically, scientifically possible but I can still feel it happening. I can still feel the truth settling in the pit of my stomach. It isn't something I can't accept.
"Tell me, why do you feel bad about that?" He questions, crossing his leg over his other leg. He's more laid back, which isn't unusual for him. He's serious about this, knowing that I need him to be. He's waiting for an answer from me and I have no idea what to say. It isn't like I love this man, because I don't.
"You don't love him? I thought otherwise," He replies. I never realized I spoke my thought aloud. I look up into his eyes and there's some sort of emotion in them. In his eyes are knowing truths about something I don't know about or understand. A hidden meaning that is meant for me to figure out. A meaning in which he knows that if I accept, I'm finally accepting the fact of something I have been trying to hide for a really long time. Can I do that?
"How do you feel about him proposing tonight, doctor?" He asks me one more time. My breathing picks up and I clench my fists together. I really don't know what to say to him. I have no idea how to respond to his inane questions and I have no idea how to handle his abrupt truths through his eyes and his vocals. Even his body language, something I was never exceptional at reading, shows that he's trying to make me understand something that I have no understanding of.
"Of course I don't love him, Lance. He's proposing tonight and..." I stop there, because I know that every word that is coming out of my mouth is a lie. Subconsciously, I'm not accepting it. He's proposing to this girl, and I need to learn to accept the rational of it. I need to accept the fact that he is in love with this girl, this woman, this...female that reminds everyone we know of myself. Sighing, I close my eyes and try my hardest not to break into tears. I am not one to break down crying because the man I've basically been with for most of my professional life might be leaving me.
"What are you afraid of?" He questions, shifting his position to either adequate his comfort ability or to adequate my response and his response and this whole circle of responses. I hear him ask me the same question again and I close my eyes tighter then what they already are. He used to ask me that, and I would answer him begrudgingly, knowing that if I answered honestly, I'd be letting him in. Now, he's proposing to someone, and I'm being asked the question by someone else.
"Dr. Brennan, what are you afraid of?" He asks one more time, before coming down to sit beside me on my office couch. We usually don't hold meetings in my office, but I felt like I couldn't escape the confines of it. I felt like it was my safe haven and leaving it would, ultimately, destroy me. What am I afraid of? Logically, I'm afraid of nothing. I've gone through a lot in my life, I know that. Everyone knows that.
"I have no idea, Sweets." I reply, finally opening my eyes. Lance Sweets is in front of me, his body twisting to face me. His eyes hold compassion and understanding, like he believes I'm heartbroken over this....proposal. Logically, scientifically, it is impossible for ones heart to break. Sweets knows that, and he understands that. I myself understand that. He has a small smile on his face, and his legs are crossed together. I never knew he could do something like that.
"You honestly have no idea about why you're afraid of Booth proposing?" I'm asked. I shake my head in a 'no' form and I know that Sweets knows that we both know that I'm lying my ass off at this moment. Whatever the case is though, it isn't like I can actually state my hypothesis and my facts out loud because that would be admitting something. Sure, I can admit something in my head, based on logic and perceptiveness and science and facts and even psychology, begrudgingly. However, admitting it out loud, all of this logic and facts, would be admitting something I'm not ready for.
"Dr. Brennan, I know why you don't want Booth to propose. Why you're so afraid of him proposing to Catharine. I know, and I'm going to tell you." He says, and I close my eyes. I can't handle that. I realize he's looking at me, seeking my permission and even though I absolutely don't want to, I give it to him anyways.
"You're afraid of this proposal, because you're afraid that Catharine is going to say yes and you, Dr. Brennan, can't handle that. Your whole relationship with Booth has been based on the underlying sexual tension you two have felt within each other, for each other. Your first glimpse at what it would have been like was under the mistletoe so long ago. You liked it, and you knew he liked it too, so you did everything you could to remain professional, even though, on the inside, you were dying because you wanted to be with Seeley Booth. The second time was when people always assumed that you two were partners and also, a couple. You both corrected them all of the time, but that never stopped you from wondering about the 'what-if's,' even though you are a more logical, non-emotional, factual kind of female. The third time was when he helped you out with your father and brother. The fourth was when he faked his death and the fifth time, the most important, crucial time, was when he had amnesia from his surgery. This was the most important time for you, because for once, you saw the way he looked at you. You were able to see how your life would be if, when he looked at you, you saw love in his eyes. Love, for you; and that made you feel exceptionally happy because it was like it was reciprocated. That slowly started to change though, and you had to get out of there. You went to Guatemala."
He stops there, and I feel like I cannot breathe. However, I find myself mumbling an near inaudible, "Then what?" before he continues.
"After you came back from your trip, you believed everything was fine. Then, on your first case back and on Booth's first case back, he states that he loves you. On the inside you're screaming with happiness, because you want it to be oh-so true. You want Booth to love you the way you're in love with him and your about to reply when Booth mistakes your silence for something other than happiness. He freaks out and before you know it, you're upset and deflated because you never caught his unhappiness so you believed he thought you mistook his love for something non-platonic. Shortly after, everything returns to normal with the regular underlying sexual tension between you two."
"Then he meets Catharine," I mumble, still trying my hardest to breathe.
"Then he meets Catharine. Everyone pretends to love her but everyone knows that she's just a replacement for you, which suits well with no one. It suits well with no one, especially you because you can't help but think of Booth's admonish of love towards you. It hurts. That's why you don't want Booth proposing," Sweets finishes. I don't really hear him, or understand him though. The facts tell me it is because of the fact that I can't breathe.
"Dr. Brennan, is everything okay?" I hear him question before falling to the floor.
"Someone get a medic!" He shouts before pushing down on my chest. I guess I couldn't really breathe at all.