entry 017 - hp
Title: Jealousy
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter
Rating: M
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Non-Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione
Spoilers: Book 7, kind of.
Summary: He couldn't do it no more. Couldn't hear them together.
Disclaimer: Don't own. A lot of f-words.
It was pissing him off. Of course, everything pissed him off lately. Everything had begun to piss him off when they realized they were it for one another. Of course, it was absolutely absurd that he should be so fucking pissed off about their relationship, because he was their best friend. He knew, somewhere deep down within his heart, that he should be happy for them, but he just couldn't bring himself to compose such a horrid thought... Because honestly, he could not be happy for his two best friends -- not anymore.
It had been one year since he had first admitted his feelings for her... It had been one year since she turned him down, stating quite triumphantly, that she was already happy, with someone else. It had been one year since he realized he was too late.
Of course, he should have realized that sooner. If he had realized that sooner, maybe the heartbreak that he had gone through for what felt like an eternity would finally disappear. Maybe the heartbreak would no longer be there for him to feel. Maybe he could finally become numb.
However, he knew it would never leave him alone. As long as he was their "best friend", it would always remain there. He would always be so damn broken. It wasn't like he could just get up and leave her, wondering what she did wrong. Damn, it just pissed him the fuck off. Ever since they fell for one another, she became so fucking fickle. She wasn't the same bookworm he'd known growing up. She had become disparate. She changed into something superficial... Into something only he would like.
He got pissed off too much. For a seventeen-year-old, he definitely got pissed off too much. It was all for the name of love though -- and he wondered, did that piss him off even more? Maybe it was the fact that the woman he fell in love with, had fallen in love with his best friend instead. Was it truly possible that the clever, smart woman, fell in love with the dumbed-down immature boy, who would only find this woman a girl to fuck?
He shook his head angrily, trying to force those horrid thoughts out of his head. His godfather had always said that if he wanted to move on, then he should think less about her... It just seemed so damn hard too do, when she was always there, occupying his thoughts, his brain, his heart.
He felt the only way out of this horrendous nightmare, was suicide. Of course, he had promised Sirius he would never kill himself, and he regretted that every damn moment he saw them together.
Couldn't she see how much this was hurting him? He remembered telling her how he felt. He remembered her saying that she was with him. He remembered her saying that she would always think about his feelings though, and would be careful. However, it had seemed that she hadn't remembered to keep that promised.
Just another thing that pissed him off. So, as he sliced and diced his wrist, thinking about how happy she was with someone else, he couldn't help growling in pain. He couldn't help thinking about how many times he had tried to admit he'd fallen for her, as the woman she was. He couldn't help thinking all the times they flirted towards one another, something he thought that was real. He couldn't help but think of their first kiss, though accidental, definitely electrifying. Couldn't she see it too? Couldn't she see that what they had was lust, not love? Couldn't she see what her and him had was pure, true, harmonious love?
With another slice, another growl, and another tear falling down his cheek, Harry James Potter tried to block out the sounds of lovemaking coming from Hermione Jane Granger Weasley's bedroom. Tried to block out the mental images of Ronald Weasley, giving her happiness. And most importantly, tried to block out the one day his heart shattered. The day his 'Mione said the worst thing ever:
Harry, I love you, I do... You know that... You know I'm in love with you. But I love Ron, and even though it's not right, it's what everyone expects...
And that killed him, because he always thought that his Hermione would know better.... So with one more slice, he took things too far, and ended his life, tears falling down his eyes, even though his heart had stopped beating long before he ended it.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry Potter
Rating: M
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Non-Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione
Spoilers: Book 7, kind of.
Summary: He couldn't do it no more. Couldn't hear them together.
Disclaimer: Don't own. A lot of f-words.
It was pissing him off. Of course, everything pissed him off lately. Everything had begun to piss him off when they realized they were it for one another. Of course, it was absolutely absurd that he should be so fucking pissed off about their relationship, because he was their best friend. He knew, somewhere deep down within his heart, that he should be happy for them, but he just couldn't bring himself to compose such a horrid thought... Because honestly, he could not be happy for his two best friends -- not anymore.
It had been one year since he had first admitted his feelings for her... It had been one year since she turned him down, stating quite triumphantly, that she was already happy, with someone else. It had been one year since he realized he was too late.
Of course, he should have realized that sooner. If he had realized that sooner, maybe the heartbreak that he had gone through for what felt like an eternity would finally disappear. Maybe the heartbreak would no longer be there for him to feel. Maybe he could finally become numb.
However, he knew it would never leave him alone. As long as he was their "best friend", it would always remain there. He would always be so damn broken. It wasn't like he could just get up and leave her, wondering what she did wrong. Damn, it just pissed him the fuck off. Ever since they fell for one another, she became so fucking fickle. She wasn't the same bookworm he'd known growing up. She had become disparate. She changed into something superficial... Into something only he would like.
He got pissed off too much. For a seventeen-year-old, he definitely got pissed off too much. It was all for the name of love though -- and he wondered, did that piss him off even more? Maybe it was the fact that the woman he fell in love with, had fallen in love with his best friend instead. Was it truly possible that the clever, smart woman, fell in love with the dumbed-down immature boy, who would only find this woman a girl to fuck?
He shook his head angrily, trying to force those horrid thoughts out of his head. His godfather had always said that if he wanted to move on, then he should think less about her... It just seemed so damn hard too do, when she was always there, occupying his thoughts, his brain, his heart.
He felt the only way out of this horrendous nightmare, was suicide. Of course, he had promised Sirius he would never kill himself, and he regretted that every damn moment he saw them together.
Couldn't she see how much this was hurting him? He remembered telling her how he felt. He remembered her saying that she was with him. He remembered her saying that she would always think about his feelings though, and would be careful. However, it had seemed that she hadn't remembered to keep that promised.
Just another thing that pissed him off. So, as he sliced and diced his wrist, thinking about how happy she was with someone else, he couldn't help growling in pain. He couldn't help thinking about how many times he had tried to admit he'd fallen for her, as the woman she was. He couldn't help thinking all the times they flirted towards one another, something he thought that was real. He couldn't help but think of their first kiss, though accidental, definitely electrifying. Couldn't she see it too? Couldn't she see that what they had was lust, not love? Couldn't she see what her and him had was pure, true, harmonious love?
With another slice, another growl, and another tear falling down his cheek, Harry James Potter tried to block out the sounds of lovemaking coming from Hermione Jane Granger Weasley's bedroom. Tried to block out the mental images of Ronald Weasley, giving her happiness. And most importantly, tried to block out the one day his heart shattered. The day his 'Mione said the worst thing ever:
Harry, I love you, I do... You know that... You know I'm in love with you. But I love Ron, and even though it's not right, it's what everyone expects...
And that killed him, because he always thought that his Hermione would know better.... So with one more slice, he took things too far, and ended his life, tears falling down his eyes, even though his heart had stopped beating long before he ended it.