entry 063 - All Summer Long [1/14]
Title: All Summer Long [1/14]
Author: jamie_love13jamie_love13
Pairings/Characters: Main Pairings: Jared/Jensen, Jared/Tom, Jensen/Jeff. Side Pairings + One Nighters: Go here to see them all.
Word Count of Chapter: 5016 words, or so.
Rating: NC-17.
Status: Complete, needs to be posted. Here's the schedule of posting for December and January.
Warnings Hurt Jared through physical and emotional ways, Asshole Jensen, Jackass Jeff. For more detailed warnings, go here.
Jared slammed the door of his car shut, grabbing his pack from the back seat as he did so. He looked across the top of the car to see his boyfriend of six months, Tom Welling, doing the same thing and couldn’t help but smile. If you had asked him a year ago if he saw himself at this cabin with a man that wasn’t the one he imagined himself being with, he would have told you that you were completely crazy. Of course, things had changed, and whilst Jared wasn’t sure if it was for the better, he knew that they could be better, if he just let them be that way.
Tom was tall like him, but a little shorter, by just enough. Also like him, Tom had floppy brown hair and soulful eyes that spoke volumes when you looked into them. They shone when he was happy, dull when he was upset. Tom was a funny guy, caring, and had the same personality traits that Jared had, he knew. Just like that though, he also knew that there was something missing from Tom, something he didn’t want to delve too deeply into.
When Tom looked up, Jared smiled, making Tom blush, as usual. The sun was shining and Jared felt like everything could go brilliantly. Jared walks towards Tom, and together, they walk towards the doorway of the cabin they’ll be spending a few weeks in, holding hands. Jared can’t help but think that Tom’s hand will never feel the same as - no, he can’t go there. He shouldn’t go there, because he knows that by going there, he’ll just bring himself more heartache than he’s had before. And truth be told, he’s had enough heartache the past six months to last him a fucking lifetime. He looks around the porch, feeling like there’s someone or something watching him, before shrugging off the feeling. He looks at his boyfriend once more, and with a quick bite of his lip, goes in with him, wishing, not for the first time, that things were completely different, but readily accepting the fact that they won’t ever be that way again.
A few miles up the road, Jensen Ackles slammed the front door of his car shut, grinning when he turned to look over at his boyfriend. Jeff was an amazing guy, funny, smart and definitely amazing in bed. Even if Jensen knew that something was missing - and what it was that was missing - he wouldn’t do anything about it. Nor would he bother caring about it the next few weeks he’d be here. At first, Jensen didn’t even want to come to the cabin, too many fond memories of the one man that he hurt the most and let walk away, except Jeff had said that he needed to make new memories, needed to move on, and while Jensen knew that could never truly happen, he also always knew that he would fight that feeling tooth and nail, one hundred percent. He looked over to Jeff one more time and decided that he would make this cabin mean something entirely new and different than what it meant before, entirely better - even if it wasn’t possible - than before, because for fucks sake, Jensen Ackles was tired of feeling the way he felt. It was indeed, time to move on. And Jeff Morgan was definitely the man for the job.
Except, when Jensen walked into the room, he saw two really tall guys talking. He could recognize one of them so well that it made his heart flutter, palms sweat, and his stomach clench in anticipation, fear and guilt so strong that he just wanted to turn right back around and walk away. Except he couldn’t even do that, because two things happened at once. Jared turned around, saw him, his smile slipping off his face immediately, and the door behind him slammed shut, and was dead bolted, with Mike Rosenbaum, the bastard, grinning at them while Chris Kane drilled the bolts shut.
When Jared turned around and saw his ex-boyfriend behind him, he felt two things at once. He felt the grin on his face slide completely off in shock, hurt, anger, and fear replace all of those in an instant when he heard the drilling of the door being locked shut. He knew that there was nothing to worry about. Knew that the bolts would come done easily when they all needed to go somewhere; that they were just there to make a point, but Jared didn’t do well in confined places, and damned if Mike and Chris don't know that. And right now, Jared wasn’t exactly sure how he should be feeling, and who or what those feelings should be geared towards. Should he fear his heart aching in his body at the sight of the man he’s always loved, the man that broke him completely? Or should he feel anger towards his best friends for tricking him into coming here? Jared didn’t know, didn’t know if he wanted to know and couldn’t know what it would do to him if he did know. The fact that Mike was there though, locking them in this place together, with their boyfriends - and god, seeing Jensen with him killed him - and expecting what, exactly, was going to kill him long before anything else. Jared hoped. He couldn’t stand there though, just looking at Jensen and him, so instead, Jared turned to Mike and Chris, glaring in anger and annoyance. In the background, he could see all of their other friends combined from when Jensen and him dated and hurt when they broke up, but still always together, watching how the events would play out between the two. If Jared was anything but shocked, those events would not have turned out to be good for Mike and Chris. He can see Chad in the background, glaring at Jensen whilst trying to flirt with Sophia. Jared tries hard not to roll his eyes. He sees Kenzie looking on with jealousy, and Sandra and Genevieve eyeing him up, which just makes him uncomfortable. What he can’t see is Danneel, and while he knows that Danni was always Jensen’s best friend before his, he can’t help but feel like she’s betraying him somehow by not showing herself to him - even if it is an irrational thought.
“Mike...” He hears Jensen growl and damn if that doesn’t have a shiver crawling up his spine. He looks briefly towards Jensen and sees that his stance is tense, his fists are clenched and his teeth are bared in a tight gridlock against one another. Jared looks at Jensen, up and down, slowly. He looks good, and that just makes Jared more angry because after everything Jensen has put him through, he sure as hell doesn’t want him to look good - nor does he want to believe that he looks good or think that Jensen is as attractive, if not more so, than before. Jared turns to Chris, walks over to him slowly, and crosses his arms at his chest. He’s pissed, scared, nervous and afraid, all because he doesn’t want to remember the heart break he felt because of Jensen, and Chris knows this instantly.
“I wish I could say I’m sorry for doing this, but I’m not, Jay. I’m sorry he hurt you and I’m sorry you’re still hurting, but I’m definitely not sorry for this, because I want to see you get better, happier. And this - this person isn’t you. I just miss the fun, loving Jared.” Chris whispers, running his hand through his hair, knocking his hat off of his head. Jared can’t help but sigh at that, know that Chris is telling the truth, feeling all those things because Jared definitely does need to change. Jared had changed so much in the past year that he knows that if his parents saw him recently, they wouldn’t know who he really was anymore. Not even Jared knew who he was anymore, and if he didn’t, how could anyone else?
Jared hears Jensen say something but honestly, Jared just can’t deal with this anymore. He looks over at Mike, bites his lip and hesitantly makes his way over to the duo, trying his damn hardest to ignore the other man. He can feel Jensen’s body become tense and really just wants to punch the man’s lights out. Instead, Jared chooses to ignore the man next to him, and tightens his own stance against Mike, who looks up at him with defying eyes.
“I’m pissed as all hell that you decided to do this, Mike-“ He begins, his eyes roaming over to Jensen’s before quickly snapping back to Mike’s. His body loosens, his shoulders sag -“But I can definitely understand why you and Chris would want to do this. Because Chris is right, I’m definitely not the same man I was a year ago. And I know you want me to be better, happier, moving closer towards that person I was.” He sees Mike gulp, and Jensen tense, and he really can’t help but think that Jensen can go fuck himself if he’s tensing over something that happened to Jared because of him.
“But locking me in a cabin for a month with the reason I’m like this was definitely not the way to go.” He finishes, before walking towards Tom.
Ten minutes later, Jared can see everyone in the middle of the room, and knowing his friends, he knows exactly what’s up. He sighs before walking towards Tom and putting his chin on his shoulder. He feels tense doing this, knowing that the reason he’s with Tom is because of Jensen, who’s only a few feet away from him. Jared tries not to care about it, tries his damn hardest not to look at Jensen, glare at the guy. He can see Danneel giving him a look, and he shrugs listlessly, knowing that she’ll want to talk to him. He can also see Sophia, pretty, confident Sophia, glaring at Chad for flirting with Kenzie, and Jared just wants to kill Chad. Chad has a pretty girl on his arms and he can never stop adding more and it pisses Jared off because it hits him too hard to home and he just can’t deal with it.
He hears Mike clap his hands, sees him glance at Tom and can’t help but hide a grin by looking down and snorting. Yeah, he knew that Mike would find the guy attractive, but he knew Mike well enough to not do anything about it whilst he was dating Jared. And that was something Jared was thankful for.
“Alright guys, we’re picking our rooms right now, and then afterwards, we go out and do some grocery shopping!” Everyone cheers and Jared’s stomach rumbles, reminding him about the fact that he hasn’t really eaten in a while. He looks around the house sees that there are three levels, including the main floor that everyone is currently situated on. He also knows the basement has two bedrooms, and he’s hopeful enough to nudge at Tom and stomp his foot lightly, indicating that he wants the basement bedroom. Tom nods, a grin shaping his face, his eyes lighting up with humour.
“Alright, you know the rules, guys - bags on the beds to declare you own the room, if there are already bags, don’t bother taking anything and lastly - couples together.... And, GO!” Everyone rushes off, Jared and Tom towards the basement stairs, making sure to be the first ones in the basement. He can hear someone laughing, and it sends chills up his spine, but he ignores it.
“Tom, check the other bedroom and then we’ll switch, and whichever room we like best, we’ll take.” Jared watches Tom nod his head, and go off into the direction of the other room, which is in the opposite corner of the one Jared goes into - almost like each room is an adjacent ‘L’ shape.
The room Jared goes into is large, spacious, and absolutely beautiful. The walls are a light brown, which you would think would be horrible looking, but all of the bedding and window covers are a light blue with splatters of brown on them and it accents the room well. The bed is in the center of the room, right under a set of three windows bulging outwards, showing the beach that comes with the house. Next to the bed are dark mahogany night stands on both sides, with two drawers and a cupboard on each and Jared nearly orgasms at the sight of them, a beautiful piece of furniture is his weakness forever. On the left side of the bed, the side Jared will no doubt pick to sleep on, is a door and upon opening the door, Jared finds out it's a closet, large and spacious just like the bedroom he’s in. Next to that is a little couch and in front of that, a television stand. There’s enough space between all three things that Jared can’t help but smile at the gorgeousness of the room.
On the right side of the bed is another door, which leads to a bathroom that has another door on the opposite side, which Jared has a bad feeling about and won’t touch at all. When he closes the bathroom door, he notices another couch and then another door and is curious to see what it’s about, and when he goes to open it, his mouth falls open in surprise. In front of him is a large porch, with a Jacuzzi and hot tub, which leads to the beach. He can feel someone come up behind him and when he looks and sees Tom, he knows instantly that whatever was in the other room doesn’t matter, because this room is just... perfect. The two of them put their packs down on their bed and walk out of the room, closing the door as they do so.
Briefly, Jared can see Jensen’s pack on the bed in the opposite room and takes a huge gulp, unsure of how to feel about Jensen being in the room opposite his. Except Jared won’t let this guy ruin his vacation, no matter what he does or says to him. This was a time for him and Tom, and nothing was going to ruin that. He doesn’t stop to take a look around, just continues on towards the basement stairs, slowly climbing up them. When he reaches the top, he can’t help but arch his eyebrow when he sees Danneel and Sophia giggling and jumping excitedly.
“What’s up guys?” He says going up to them, putting his arms around the both of them. The girls look at him and grin, before going on and on about how they got an amazing bedroom, how gorgeous it is and how happy they are they have it.
“Wait, Soph... why aren’t you with Chad?” Jared asks, feeling a little hesitant over asking such a thing. He sees Sophia scowl. Danneel rubs her shoulders and puts both arms around her.
“Sophia, did he do something stupid again?” He asks, a near growl coming out of his mouth. He loves Chad, he does, but if Chad is fooling around on Sophia again, he’s going to be pissed.
“He picked a room with that tramp!” Sophia cries, pushing herself into Jared’s arms. Jared wraps his arms around her, pissed off at Chad for no doubt ruining another great thing he had.
“He’s an asshole, Sophia. Why you’re still with him, I have no clue.” Jared whispers into her ear, rubbing her back. He knows that he’s using his own experiences and knows he shouldn’t be. He knows Sophia knows this too, and when she pulls away, he grins at her the best he can. She smiles back and pats his shoulder. When he finally looks away, he can see that everyone is there, trying hard not to look at them, except Chad, who has all eyes for Kenzie. When he looks towards Mike, he sees that Mike is checking Tom out, and Jared nudges Sophia, nods toward Mike, and smiles when he sees Sophia giggle behind her hand.
“Alright, who wants to go and get us some grub?” Mike shouts out and Jared can’t help but step forward. He can’t help but feel suffocated in this place, and he needs to get away for a while. Mike nods, and then he sees Danneel step forward and grins, and that just widens when Chris and Steve and Sophia all step forward too. He knows it’ll be more of a hassle to have that many people shopping for food but right now, he’s grateful.
“Alright guys, here’s a list of what we need, and some money to buy all that plus whatever you pig munchers buy. Have some fun!” Jared laughs at that and heads out towards his van, with everyone following him.
The drive to the store is long and fun, and exactly what Jared needed. There’s never a long moment of silence, since everyone seems to be catching up with everyone else. With Jared driving, and Danneel in the front seat next to him, Chris, Steve and Sophia are all in the back laughing. Jared knows that Danneel will want to talk to him, but right now, all he wants to do is listen to his friends laughing, laugh with them and then watch the scenery go by.
“Hey Jared, how did you and Tom meet?” Steve asks and Jared can’t help but smile a little, even if when it happened wasn't exactly the best timing. Jared remembers that time, remembers waking up in the hospital with his hands restrained and his heart going into full panic mode. He remembers wanting Jensen there to come and comfort him but then he remembered that there was no more Jensen and he began panicking even more. Then he remembers seeing Tom, a nurse in training, trying to comfort him and stop him from pulling his stitches out and making more of a mess.
“It was, uh, around the time I landed myself in the hospital, back in those first months.” Jared begins, and everyone grows silent, knowing exactly when he’s talking about. He swallows and tightens his hands on the steering wheel, unsure of how to continue his story.
“I was uh, freaking out, pulling at everything, and Tom came in and helped calm me down. By the time I was ready to leave the hospital a few weeks later, we had grown close and he asked me out. I declined though, saying I wasn’t ready, and he understood. We just.. continued being friends until six months ago, when I was ready.” Everyone’s quiet about that, remembering what Jared was like for the six months before him and Tom got together and he hates it.
“Are you happy with Tom?” Sophia asks, and everything gets even quieter. Danneel turns down the radio, and looks straight at him and he could feel Sophia’s hand rubbing his shoulders and he - he should know the answer to that, because it should be yes but.. something is stopping him from saying that. And he has no clue what.
“I want to say yes, I do, but... I don’t know. I haven’t been happy in a long time, Soph.” He replies, biting his lip and unclenching his hands around the steering wheel, trying to get some feeling back into them.
“Well, what are we buying today?” Steve asks, and Jared’s so thankful for the interruption that he lets out a deep sigh and grins at Steve through the rear-view mirror. Steve grins back and pretty soon, Jared finds himself pulling into the parking lot of the store, getting out of his car and getting ready to find himself in the calmness of the store.
He remembers the last time he was in this store, and he remembers how he was feeling, absolutely happy, getting ready for his date with Jensen, his date that seemed so important. If he only knew how badly that would change by the time he got back to the cabin, where just him and Jensen were suppose to be staying.
Shaking his head, Jared follows everyone into the store, follows them with the buggy and realizes he has the list. Taking it out, he sighs and looks through it, quickly marking in his head where each item would be and which aisle it would appear in. He could see some miscellaneous items, like crackers, pickles, cheese and sauce. He could see alcoholic items and he could see meat items, steak, pork, chicken. It sounded like Mike was definitely ready to do some barbequing and Jared laughed at the idea of that.
“Hey Jare.“ Jared looked over to see Steve beside him, walking just as slow as he was, his hands in the pocket of his sweater. Jared's thankful for Steve, because he knows that Steve was Jensen’s best friend, that nearly everyone with him today were really close to Jensen, and that when Jensen screwed up, everyone didn’t know what to do, who to be close with, and if Jared hadn’t said to stay with Jensen, he was sure there’d be a rift in the group, but he had and Steve had set him straight, saying yeah, they would, but Jensen was in the wrong and Jared was the one hurt and Jared was... Jared was like a puppy. He remembers laughing at that analogy, but he knows that without Steve, he probably would have ended up worse off than he is now.
“What’s up, Steve?” Jared replies, nudging him with his shoulder and showing a small smile. Steve nudges back before sighing and looking down at his feet.
“Look, I uh, I knew what Chris was planning -“
“Ah, I know that Steve. You’re his boyfriend and it’d be surprising if you didn’t.”
“I know, but it just, it makes me feel bad because I’ve always been straight with you and -“
“Steve, it’s ok, I promise.” Jared interrupts, knowing that Steve feels uncomfortable talking about this, knowing that Steve was hurting just as bad as everyone else. Steve nods his head, looks up at Jared and smiles before shrugging. Jared grins and then shows him the list.
“So, what do you think the lemon pie is for, since Mike hates lemon?” He grins, before catching up with everyone else as Steve laughs.
A good forty-five minutes later, Jared is pulling into the driveway of the cabin, listening to the gravel and rocks crunch underneath his tires. Danneel is laughing at something that Chris was telling her and Sophia is laughing at something Steve is telling her and Jared can’t help but smile at the four of them. Grabbing some of the bags and slamming the door shut, he grins over to the others and chuckles before telling them to hurry their asses up and grab the other bags. Everyone laughs and Jared adjusts the bags in his arms that are beginning to slide down and shakes his head in amusement. He makes his way up the stairs to the cabin doors and stops in front of them, sighing as he realizes that he’ll need to open the door up somehow.
He puts the bags down, and opens the latch to the door before grabbing the bags and holding them in his arms. He nudges the door open with his foot and walks in a few feet before suddenly stopping. He’s lucky that he doesn’t drop the bags full of groceries because he knows there are about five cartons of eggs in the bags, but at the same time, he can feel his heart beating faster than before, and his palms begin to sweat. He takes a gulp of fresh air but it doesn’t help and he begins taking more and more gulps, his heart beating even faster. He wants to run the fuck out of this room, wants to get away and never come back because how the hell do Mike and Chris suppose that being here with Jensen will help him get over Jensen when he walks into the place and sees this shit. He can feel Danneel and Steve come up behind him, can hear Danneel gasp in shock and sees Steve clench his fists in anger. He knows he’s having a panic attack, knows that if everyone wasn’t here, he’d probably end up in the hospital again, but everyone is here and Jensen is making out on the couch with Jeff and Jared just can’t handle this shit.
“Jared,” Danneel whispers, her voice so full of pain for him and Jared can’t take that because none of them should be feeling the pain that he’s feeling. None of them should even know how he feels right now, because none of them know what it’s like to get your heart pulled out of your body, trampled and stamped on repeatedly, shoved back in and have it try to continue beating, only to have a repeat of all that when you see the person you love most, the person that caused your heart to be trampled on in the first place, kissing another man - again - even though they have no idea you’re there.
It hurts Jared, it does, and all he wants to do is run away, but everyone is behind him, and Danneel and Sophia are whispering his name now, rubbing his arms soothingly, but it won’t - fucking - work. Jared can see Jensen arch into whatever it is Jeff fucking Morgan is doing to him and he takes a deep gulp before quickly turning around and shoving his bags into Chris’ empty hands, and running out of the cabin, past Tom who’s coming back from a swim and into his van, slamming the door shut. His breathing is heavy and his heart is full. He doesn’t know what he should do right now or where he should go, but what he does know is that he doesn’t want to fucking be here. He can hear the opposite door of his car open and looks out of the corner of his eye to see Danneel enter his car slowly, hesitantly, like she doesn’t know if he’ll scatter just by seeing her. He takes a few more deep breaths, can feel tears falling down his cheeks and wipes them clean.
“I promised myself after my hospital stay that I’d never let him make me cry again, Dani.” He whispers, choking on a sob and slamming his head down in anger. He doesn’t want his sobs to get out of control, doesn’t want to give Jensen the fucking satisfaction, especially since he hasn’t been around the guy for a full twenty-four hours yet. He knows that Danneel is tense beside him, unsure of what to do or what to say. Everyone was always like that, especially after his stay in the hospital - unsure if Jared could take anything that was being said, unsure if anything would set him off just because it reminded him of Jensen, and Jared always hated having that feeling around him.
“When... when we first learned about what Jensen did to you, I was so angry, Jared.” Danneel begins, and he hears her taking a breath, hears her rubbing the spot above her heart like it physically hurts her to be talking about this.
“We were all so angry, Jared. It was like he wasn’t Jensen anymore, like he didn’t give a shit that he hurt you so badly that you --- you - fuck, I can’t even say it Jared, and Jensen, Jensen who gave the world about you, did something like that.” Jared gulps and tries to hold back his tears, knows exactly how Danneel feels because fuck, Jensen was the one that did this shit to him, made him breaking in front of everyone.
“You know, it took me a long time to talk to Jensen after he did that to you.” Jared looks up at that, completely shocked. Before Jared ever entered the picture, Danneel and Jensen were the best of friends, enough to make anyone who didn’t know the two of them personally to believe that they were dating, and the fact that Danneel didn’t talk to Jensen over him was... shocking.
“How... how long?”
“A few months.” Danneel replies, and Jared has to gulp at that, has to smile at her because even though he knows it killed her, he’s still thankful that she would do something like that for him.
“And then, then we decided to come here, and I wasn’t told Jensen would be here, and I thought, well, it’d be stupid to bring you here because your best and worst memories of Jen were here, but I knew you were with Tom and I know Tom can make you as happy as Jensen did, if not happier. Then I found out Jensen was here, and I just got --- I became so pissed off because you were doing so well and Sophia and I didn’t want to see you regress and go backwards.” Danneel says, almost all in one big breath and Jared has to think about that for a moment, because it’s a lot to take in.
“Jared -“ Danneel hiccups and he has to look up at her, has to see why she sounds so heartbroken. When he does, he can see that she has tears coming down her cheeks and she’s still rubbing her heart and he just doesn’t know what to do with that.
“Jared - Jared, please promise me you won’t go backwards on your progress. You can’t, Jare. You can’t let Jensen hurt you anymore.” Jared pulls Danneel to him in a hug, crying his eyes out, his heart breaking like nothing else. He’s rubbing circles onto her back and she’s rubbing circles onto his back, and they’re both snotty and gross all because of the crying and if anyone had seen them, they’d be laughing.
“I can’t promise that Danneel, and you know it.”
Next Chapter
Author: jamie_love13jamie_love13
Pairings/Characters: Main Pairings: Jared/Jensen, Jared/Tom, Jensen/Jeff. Side Pairings + One Nighters: Go here to see them all.
Word Count of Chapter: 5016 words, or so.
Rating: NC-17.
Status: Complete, needs to be posted. Here's the schedule of posting for December and January.
Warnings Hurt Jared through physical and emotional ways, Asshole Jensen, Jackass Jeff. For more detailed warnings, go here.
Jared slammed the door of his car shut, grabbing his pack from the back seat as he did so. He looked across the top of the car to see his boyfriend of six months, Tom Welling, doing the same thing and couldn’t help but smile. If you had asked him a year ago if he saw himself at this cabin with a man that wasn’t the one he imagined himself being with, he would have told you that you were completely crazy. Of course, things had changed, and whilst Jared wasn’t sure if it was for the better, he knew that they could be better, if he just let them be that way.
Tom was tall like him, but a little shorter, by just enough. Also like him, Tom had floppy brown hair and soulful eyes that spoke volumes when you looked into them. They shone when he was happy, dull when he was upset. Tom was a funny guy, caring, and had the same personality traits that Jared had, he knew. Just like that though, he also knew that there was something missing from Tom, something he didn’t want to delve too deeply into.
When Tom looked up, Jared smiled, making Tom blush, as usual. The sun was shining and Jared felt like everything could go brilliantly. Jared walks towards Tom, and together, they walk towards the doorway of the cabin they’ll be spending a few weeks in, holding hands. Jared can’t help but think that Tom’s hand will never feel the same as - no, he can’t go there. He shouldn’t go there, because he knows that by going there, he’ll just bring himself more heartache than he’s had before. And truth be told, he’s had enough heartache the past six months to last him a fucking lifetime. He looks around the porch, feeling like there’s someone or something watching him, before shrugging off the feeling. He looks at his boyfriend once more, and with a quick bite of his lip, goes in with him, wishing, not for the first time, that things were completely different, but readily accepting the fact that they won’t ever be that way again.
A few miles up the road, Jensen Ackles slammed the front door of his car shut, grinning when he turned to look over at his boyfriend. Jeff was an amazing guy, funny, smart and definitely amazing in bed. Even if Jensen knew that something was missing - and what it was that was missing - he wouldn’t do anything about it. Nor would he bother caring about it the next few weeks he’d be here. At first, Jensen didn’t even want to come to the cabin, too many fond memories of the one man that he hurt the most and let walk away, except Jeff had said that he needed to make new memories, needed to move on, and while Jensen knew that could never truly happen, he also always knew that he would fight that feeling tooth and nail, one hundred percent. He looked over to Jeff one more time and decided that he would make this cabin mean something entirely new and different than what it meant before, entirely better - even if it wasn’t possible - than before, because for fucks sake, Jensen Ackles was tired of feeling the way he felt. It was indeed, time to move on. And Jeff Morgan was definitely the man for the job.
Except, when Jensen walked into the room, he saw two really tall guys talking. He could recognize one of them so well that it made his heart flutter, palms sweat, and his stomach clench in anticipation, fear and guilt so strong that he just wanted to turn right back around and walk away. Except he couldn’t even do that, because two things happened at once. Jared turned around, saw him, his smile slipping off his face immediately, and the door behind him slammed shut, and was dead bolted, with Mike Rosenbaum, the bastard, grinning at them while Chris Kane drilled the bolts shut.
When Jared turned around and saw his ex-boyfriend behind him, he felt two things at once. He felt the grin on his face slide completely off in shock, hurt, anger, and fear replace all of those in an instant when he heard the drilling of the door being locked shut. He knew that there was nothing to worry about. Knew that the bolts would come done easily when they all needed to go somewhere; that they were just there to make a point, but Jared didn’t do well in confined places, and damned if Mike and Chris don't know that. And right now, Jared wasn’t exactly sure how he should be feeling, and who or what those feelings should be geared towards. Should he fear his heart aching in his body at the sight of the man he’s always loved, the man that broke him completely? Or should he feel anger towards his best friends for tricking him into coming here? Jared didn’t know, didn’t know if he wanted to know and couldn’t know what it would do to him if he did know. The fact that Mike was there though, locking them in this place together, with their boyfriends - and god, seeing Jensen with him killed him - and expecting what, exactly, was going to kill him long before anything else. Jared hoped. He couldn’t stand there though, just looking at Jensen and him, so instead, Jared turned to Mike and Chris, glaring in anger and annoyance. In the background, he could see all of their other friends combined from when Jensen and him dated and hurt when they broke up, but still always together, watching how the events would play out between the two. If Jared was anything but shocked, those events would not have turned out to be good for Mike and Chris. He can see Chad in the background, glaring at Jensen whilst trying to flirt with Sophia. Jared tries hard not to roll his eyes. He sees Kenzie looking on with jealousy, and Sandra and Genevieve eyeing him up, which just makes him uncomfortable. What he can’t see is Danneel, and while he knows that Danni was always Jensen’s best friend before his, he can’t help but feel like she’s betraying him somehow by not showing herself to him - even if it is an irrational thought.
“Mike...” He hears Jensen growl and damn if that doesn’t have a shiver crawling up his spine. He looks briefly towards Jensen and sees that his stance is tense, his fists are clenched and his teeth are bared in a tight gridlock against one another. Jared looks at Jensen, up and down, slowly. He looks good, and that just makes Jared more angry because after everything Jensen has put him through, he sure as hell doesn’t want him to look good - nor does he want to believe that he looks good or think that Jensen is as attractive, if not more so, than before. Jared turns to Chris, walks over to him slowly, and crosses his arms at his chest. He’s pissed, scared, nervous and afraid, all because he doesn’t want to remember the heart break he felt because of Jensen, and Chris knows this instantly.
“I wish I could say I’m sorry for doing this, but I’m not, Jay. I’m sorry he hurt you and I’m sorry you’re still hurting, but I’m definitely not sorry for this, because I want to see you get better, happier. And this - this person isn’t you. I just miss the fun, loving Jared.” Chris whispers, running his hand through his hair, knocking his hat off of his head. Jared can’t help but sigh at that, know that Chris is telling the truth, feeling all those things because Jared definitely does need to change. Jared had changed so much in the past year that he knows that if his parents saw him recently, they wouldn’t know who he really was anymore. Not even Jared knew who he was anymore, and if he didn’t, how could anyone else?
Jared hears Jensen say something but honestly, Jared just can’t deal with this anymore. He looks over at Mike, bites his lip and hesitantly makes his way over to the duo, trying his damn hardest to ignore the other man. He can feel Jensen’s body become tense and really just wants to punch the man’s lights out. Instead, Jared chooses to ignore the man next to him, and tightens his own stance against Mike, who looks up at him with defying eyes.
“I’m pissed as all hell that you decided to do this, Mike-“ He begins, his eyes roaming over to Jensen’s before quickly snapping back to Mike’s. His body loosens, his shoulders sag -“But I can definitely understand why you and Chris would want to do this. Because Chris is right, I’m definitely not the same man I was a year ago. And I know you want me to be better, happier, moving closer towards that person I was.” He sees Mike gulp, and Jensen tense, and he really can’t help but think that Jensen can go fuck himself if he’s tensing over something that happened to Jared because of him.
“But locking me in a cabin for a month with the reason I’m like this was definitely not the way to go.” He finishes, before walking towards Tom.
Ten minutes later, Jared can see everyone in the middle of the room, and knowing his friends, he knows exactly what’s up. He sighs before walking towards Tom and putting his chin on his shoulder. He feels tense doing this, knowing that the reason he’s with Tom is because of Jensen, who’s only a few feet away from him. Jared tries not to care about it, tries his damn hardest not to look at Jensen, glare at the guy. He can see Danneel giving him a look, and he shrugs listlessly, knowing that she’ll want to talk to him. He can also see Sophia, pretty, confident Sophia, glaring at Chad for flirting with Kenzie, and Jared just wants to kill Chad. Chad has a pretty girl on his arms and he can never stop adding more and it pisses Jared off because it hits him too hard to home and he just can’t deal with it.
He hears Mike clap his hands, sees him glance at Tom and can’t help but hide a grin by looking down and snorting. Yeah, he knew that Mike would find the guy attractive, but he knew Mike well enough to not do anything about it whilst he was dating Jared. And that was something Jared was thankful for.
“Alright guys, we’re picking our rooms right now, and then afterwards, we go out and do some grocery shopping!” Everyone cheers and Jared’s stomach rumbles, reminding him about the fact that he hasn’t really eaten in a while. He looks around the house sees that there are three levels, including the main floor that everyone is currently situated on. He also knows the basement has two bedrooms, and he’s hopeful enough to nudge at Tom and stomp his foot lightly, indicating that he wants the basement bedroom. Tom nods, a grin shaping his face, his eyes lighting up with humour.
“Alright, you know the rules, guys - bags on the beds to declare you own the room, if there are already bags, don’t bother taking anything and lastly - couples together.... And, GO!” Everyone rushes off, Jared and Tom towards the basement stairs, making sure to be the first ones in the basement. He can hear someone laughing, and it sends chills up his spine, but he ignores it.
“Tom, check the other bedroom and then we’ll switch, and whichever room we like best, we’ll take.” Jared watches Tom nod his head, and go off into the direction of the other room, which is in the opposite corner of the one Jared goes into - almost like each room is an adjacent ‘L’ shape.
The room Jared goes into is large, spacious, and absolutely beautiful. The walls are a light brown, which you would think would be horrible looking, but all of the bedding and window covers are a light blue with splatters of brown on them and it accents the room well. The bed is in the center of the room, right under a set of three windows bulging outwards, showing the beach that comes with the house. Next to the bed are dark mahogany night stands on both sides, with two drawers and a cupboard on each and Jared nearly orgasms at the sight of them, a beautiful piece of furniture is his weakness forever. On the left side of the bed, the side Jared will no doubt pick to sleep on, is a door and upon opening the door, Jared finds out it's a closet, large and spacious just like the bedroom he’s in. Next to that is a little couch and in front of that, a television stand. There’s enough space between all three things that Jared can’t help but smile at the gorgeousness of the room.
On the right side of the bed is another door, which leads to a bathroom that has another door on the opposite side, which Jared has a bad feeling about and won’t touch at all. When he closes the bathroom door, he notices another couch and then another door and is curious to see what it’s about, and when he goes to open it, his mouth falls open in surprise. In front of him is a large porch, with a Jacuzzi and hot tub, which leads to the beach. He can feel someone come up behind him and when he looks and sees Tom, he knows instantly that whatever was in the other room doesn’t matter, because this room is just... perfect. The two of them put their packs down on their bed and walk out of the room, closing the door as they do so.
Briefly, Jared can see Jensen’s pack on the bed in the opposite room and takes a huge gulp, unsure of how to feel about Jensen being in the room opposite his. Except Jared won’t let this guy ruin his vacation, no matter what he does or says to him. This was a time for him and Tom, and nothing was going to ruin that. He doesn’t stop to take a look around, just continues on towards the basement stairs, slowly climbing up them. When he reaches the top, he can’t help but arch his eyebrow when he sees Danneel and Sophia giggling and jumping excitedly.
“What’s up guys?” He says going up to them, putting his arms around the both of them. The girls look at him and grin, before going on and on about how they got an amazing bedroom, how gorgeous it is and how happy they are they have it.
“Wait, Soph... why aren’t you with Chad?” Jared asks, feeling a little hesitant over asking such a thing. He sees Sophia scowl. Danneel rubs her shoulders and puts both arms around her.
“Sophia, did he do something stupid again?” He asks, a near growl coming out of his mouth. He loves Chad, he does, but if Chad is fooling around on Sophia again, he’s going to be pissed.
“He picked a room with that tramp!” Sophia cries, pushing herself into Jared’s arms. Jared wraps his arms around her, pissed off at Chad for no doubt ruining another great thing he had.
“He’s an asshole, Sophia. Why you’re still with him, I have no clue.” Jared whispers into her ear, rubbing her back. He knows that he’s using his own experiences and knows he shouldn’t be. He knows Sophia knows this too, and when she pulls away, he grins at her the best he can. She smiles back and pats his shoulder. When he finally looks away, he can see that everyone is there, trying hard not to look at them, except Chad, who has all eyes for Kenzie. When he looks towards Mike, he sees that Mike is checking Tom out, and Jared nudges Sophia, nods toward Mike, and smiles when he sees Sophia giggle behind her hand.
“Alright, who wants to go and get us some grub?” Mike shouts out and Jared can’t help but step forward. He can’t help but feel suffocated in this place, and he needs to get away for a while. Mike nods, and then he sees Danneel step forward and grins, and that just widens when Chris and Steve and Sophia all step forward too. He knows it’ll be more of a hassle to have that many people shopping for food but right now, he’s grateful.
“Alright guys, here’s a list of what we need, and some money to buy all that plus whatever you pig munchers buy. Have some fun!” Jared laughs at that and heads out towards his van, with everyone following him.
The drive to the store is long and fun, and exactly what Jared needed. There’s never a long moment of silence, since everyone seems to be catching up with everyone else. With Jared driving, and Danneel in the front seat next to him, Chris, Steve and Sophia are all in the back laughing. Jared knows that Danneel will want to talk to him, but right now, all he wants to do is listen to his friends laughing, laugh with them and then watch the scenery go by.
“Hey Jared, how did you and Tom meet?” Steve asks and Jared can’t help but smile a little, even if when it happened wasn't exactly the best timing. Jared remembers that time, remembers waking up in the hospital with his hands restrained and his heart going into full panic mode. He remembers wanting Jensen there to come and comfort him but then he remembered that there was no more Jensen and he began panicking even more. Then he remembers seeing Tom, a nurse in training, trying to comfort him and stop him from pulling his stitches out and making more of a mess.
“It was, uh, around the time I landed myself in the hospital, back in those first months.” Jared begins, and everyone grows silent, knowing exactly when he’s talking about. He swallows and tightens his hands on the steering wheel, unsure of how to continue his story.
“I was uh, freaking out, pulling at everything, and Tom came in and helped calm me down. By the time I was ready to leave the hospital a few weeks later, we had grown close and he asked me out. I declined though, saying I wasn’t ready, and he understood. We just.. continued being friends until six months ago, when I was ready.” Everyone’s quiet about that, remembering what Jared was like for the six months before him and Tom got together and he hates it.
“Are you happy with Tom?” Sophia asks, and everything gets even quieter. Danneel turns down the radio, and looks straight at him and he could feel Sophia’s hand rubbing his shoulders and he - he should know the answer to that, because it should be yes but.. something is stopping him from saying that. And he has no clue what.
“I want to say yes, I do, but... I don’t know. I haven’t been happy in a long time, Soph.” He replies, biting his lip and unclenching his hands around the steering wheel, trying to get some feeling back into them.
“Well, what are we buying today?” Steve asks, and Jared’s so thankful for the interruption that he lets out a deep sigh and grins at Steve through the rear-view mirror. Steve grins back and pretty soon, Jared finds himself pulling into the parking lot of the store, getting out of his car and getting ready to find himself in the calmness of the store.
He remembers the last time he was in this store, and he remembers how he was feeling, absolutely happy, getting ready for his date with Jensen, his date that seemed so important. If he only knew how badly that would change by the time he got back to the cabin, where just him and Jensen were suppose to be staying.
Shaking his head, Jared follows everyone into the store, follows them with the buggy and realizes he has the list. Taking it out, he sighs and looks through it, quickly marking in his head where each item would be and which aisle it would appear in. He could see some miscellaneous items, like crackers, pickles, cheese and sauce. He could see alcoholic items and he could see meat items, steak, pork, chicken. It sounded like Mike was definitely ready to do some barbequing and Jared laughed at the idea of that.
“Hey Jare.“ Jared looked over to see Steve beside him, walking just as slow as he was, his hands in the pocket of his sweater. Jared's thankful for Steve, because he knows that Steve was Jensen’s best friend, that nearly everyone with him today were really close to Jensen, and that when Jensen screwed up, everyone didn’t know what to do, who to be close with, and if Jared hadn’t said to stay with Jensen, he was sure there’d be a rift in the group, but he had and Steve had set him straight, saying yeah, they would, but Jensen was in the wrong and Jared was the one hurt and Jared was... Jared was like a puppy. He remembers laughing at that analogy, but he knows that without Steve, he probably would have ended up worse off than he is now.
“What’s up, Steve?” Jared replies, nudging him with his shoulder and showing a small smile. Steve nudges back before sighing and looking down at his feet.
“Look, I uh, I knew what Chris was planning -“
“Ah, I know that Steve. You’re his boyfriend and it’d be surprising if you didn’t.”
“I know, but it just, it makes me feel bad because I’ve always been straight with you and -“
“Steve, it’s ok, I promise.” Jared interrupts, knowing that Steve feels uncomfortable talking about this, knowing that Steve was hurting just as bad as everyone else. Steve nods his head, looks up at Jared and smiles before shrugging. Jared grins and then shows him the list.
“So, what do you think the lemon pie is for, since Mike hates lemon?” He grins, before catching up with everyone else as Steve laughs.
A good forty-five minutes later, Jared is pulling into the driveway of the cabin, listening to the gravel and rocks crunch underneath his tires. Danneel is laughing at something that Chris was telling her and Sophia is laughing at something Steve is telling her and Jared can’t help but smile at the four of them. Grabbing some of the bags and slamming the door shut, he grins over to the others and chuckles before telling them to hurry their asses up and grab the other bags. Everyone laughs and Jared adjusts the bags in his arms that are beginning to slide down and shakes his head in amusement. He makes his way up the stairs to the cabin doors and stops in front of them, sighing as he realizes that he’ll need to open the door up somehow.
He puts the bags down, and opens the latch to the door before grabbing the bags and holding them in his arms. He nudges the door open with his foot and walks in a few feet before suddenly stopping. He’s lucky that he doesn’t drop the bags full of groceries because he knows there are about five cartons of eggs in the bags, but at the same time, he can feel his heart beating faster than before, and his palms begin to sweat. He takes a gulp of fresh air but it doesn’t help and he begins taking more and more gulps, his heart beating even faster. He wants to run the fuck out of this room, wants to get away and never come back because how the hell do Mike and Chris suppose that being here with Jensen will help him get over Jensen when he walks into the place and sees this shit. He can feel Danneel and Steve come up behind him, can hear Danneel gasp in shock and sees Steve clench his fists in anger. He knows he’s having a panic attack, knows that if everyone wasn’t here, he’d probably end up in the hospital again, but everyone is here and Jensen is making out on the couch with Jeff and Jared just can’t handle this shit.
“Jared,” Danneel whispers, her voice so full of pain for him and Jared can’t take that because none of them should be feeling the pain that he’s feeling. None of them should even know how he feels right now, because none of them know what it’s like to get your heart pulled out of your body, trampled and stamped on repeatedly, shoved back in and have it try to continue beating, only to have a repeat of all that when you see the person you love most, the person that caused your heart to be trampled on in the first place, kissing another man - again - even though they have no idea you’re there.
It hurts Jared, it does, and all he wants to do is run away, but everyone is behind him, and Danneel and Sophia are whispering his name now, rubbing his arms soothingly, but it won’t - fucking - work. Jared can see Jensen arch into whatever it is Jeff fucking Morgan is doing to him and he takes a deep gulp before quickly turning around and shoving his bags into Chris’ empty hands, and running out of the cabin, past Tom who’s coming back from a swim and into his van, slamming the door shut. His breathing is heavy and his heart is full. He doesn’t know what he should do right now or where he should go, but what he does know is that he doesn’t want to fucking be here. He can hear the opposite door of his car open and looks out of the corner of his eye to see Danneel enter his car slowly, hesitantly, like she doesn’t know if he’ll scatter just by seeing her. He takes a few more deep breaths, can feel tears falling down his cheeks and wipes them clean.
“I promised myself after my hospital stay that I’d never let him make me cry again, Dani.” He whispers, choking on a sob and slamming his head down in anger. He doesn’t want his sobs to get out of control, doesn’t want to give Jensen the fucking satisfaction, especially since he hasn’t been around the guy for a full twenty-four hours yet. He knows that Danneel is tense beside him, unsure of what to do or what to say. Everyone was always like that, especially after his stay in the hospital - unsure if Jared could take anything that was being said, unsure if anything would set him off just because it reminded him of Jensen, and Jared always hated having that feeling around him.
“When... when we first learned about what Jensen did to you, I was so angry, Jared.” Danneel begins, and he hears her taking a breath, hears her rubbing the spot above her heart like it physically hurts her to be talking about this.
“We were all so angry, Jared. It was like he wasn’t Jensen anymore, like he didn’t give a shit that he hurt you so badly that you --- you - fuck, I can’t even say it Jared, and Jensen, Jensen who gave the world about you, did something like that.” Jared gulps and tries to hold back his tears, knows exactly how Danneel feels because fuck, Jensen was the one that did this shit to him, made him breaking in front of everyone.
“You know, it took me a long time to talk to Jensen after he did that to you.” Jared looks up at that, completely shocked. Before Jared ever entered the picture, Danneel and Jensen were the best of friends, enough to make anyone who didn’t know the two of them personally to believe that they were dating, and the fact that Danneel didn’t talk to Jensen over him was... shocking.
“How... how long?”
“A few months.” Danneel replies, and Jared has to gulp at that, has to smile at her because even though he knows it killed her, he’s still thankful that she would do something like that for him.
“And then, then we decided to come here, and I wasn’t told Jensen would be here, and I thought, well, it’d be stupid to bring you here because your best and worst memories of Jen were here, but I knew you were with Tom and I know Tom can make you as happy as Jensen did, if not happier. Then I found out Jensen was here, and I just got --- I became so pissed off because you were doing so well and Sophia and I didn’t want to see you regress and go backwards.” Danneel says, almost all in one big breath and Jared has to think about that for a moment, because it’s a lot to take in.
“Jared -“ Danneel hiccups and he has to look up at her, has to see why she sounds so heartbroken. When he does, he can see that she has tears coming down her cheeks and she’s still rubbing her heart and he just doesn’t know what to do with that.
“Jared - Jared, please promise me you won’t go backwards on your progress. You can’t, Jare. You can’t let Jensen hurt you anymore.” Jared pulls Danneel to him in a hug, crying his eyes out, his heart breaking like nothing else. He’s rubbing circles onto her back and she’s rubbing circles onto his back, and they’re both snotty and gross all because of the crying and if anyone had seen them, they’d be laughing.
“I can’t promise that Danneel, and you know it.”
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