entry 052 - spn [big bang, 2011; part 7 of 7]

[think4paperinkw]

Title: I'm A Soldier, But I've Got No Soul [Part 7 of 7 Parts]
Author: jamie_love13
Beta-Edited: singlemomsummer
Artist: kj_svala
Pairings/Characters: One-Sided Sam/Ruby, slight Sam/Dean, but it's barely there. Looks more like brotherly love than 'cest.
Word Count: 20, 502 Words
Rating: PG-13 for violence and blood.
Genre: Angst.
Spoilers: All episodes up to now.
Status: Complete
Summary: Dean misses Sam like nothing else, but he doesn't know Sam stayed away on purpose, and he sure as hell didn't think that there would be so many lies, truths and blood.
Disclaimer: Do not own. At all.
Warnings: Graphic, violent scenes; blood; death. Hell.
Notes: Acknowledgements, soundtrack, notes on beta-editing and thank you's are at the end.


Epilogue

Dean Winchester sat loosely on the chair that was provided for him, staring straight ahead, unseeing and unknowing. All he could truly think about right now was that his Sammy was gone, for good and there was absolutely nothing he could do to save him anymore. It had been hectic for a while, a full week having passed. Sam had been placed in a casket, even though everyone suggested it would be best that they gave him a hunter’s funeral. They all knew why Dean had said no to that, all knew that he wished there was a way Sammy could be saved from the depths of hell. Shortly after Sam had died and Dean had killed Azazel, everyone noticed that Ruby and Ash had somehow disappeared, no one knowing where the hell it is they went. Since then, everyone had been trying to remain busy, not letting their thoughts contain Sam or anything related to him, knowing it would hurt too much.

Everyone but Dean who had became a hermit, sitting alone in his room, thinking only of Sam. He thought about the time when Sam was still afraid of thunderstorms, always wanting to be close to Dean when they appeared. Or how when he was fifteen, Sam was caught with his hands up a girls skirt and how Dean had let him have a congratulatory beer after she left. He thought about Sam’s little quirks and his little traits that Dean loved about him. Most importantly though, Dean thought about Sam’s last moments with Dean and even though it was such a bittersweet moment for him, he knew he would cherish a small part of it.

The fucked up thing about it though was the fact that even though Sam was in a casket, he had yet to be buried, a full week after his death. It’s not like there were flies everywhere or rotting, stinky flesh in the vicinity that would stop Dean from keeping Sam close, it was just the fact that Dean didn’t want to let go of his baby brother, even though he was told to. A full week had passed, and Dean hadn’t done much, other than just sitting there.

He had a beard starting to grow, thick already but not yet full enough. His hair had a greasy stained look to it, and had started growing out seeing as he was keeping it unkempt. His clothes were baggier on him, because of Dean not eating a lot anymore and under his eyes were bags large enough to block the light from the sun. His legs were crossed in front of him, his ass perched on a couch that was perfectly moulded to his body. The blinds to the motel room he was in were snapped shut once he entered, sunlight not having his room for days, not counting the amount of times his father was in and out checking in on him. Not like he needed it. When he was cold, which he often was nowadays, he would rock back and forth, clutching his body like it was a lifeline. Which it was because his previous lifeline no longer had a life and fuck, did it ever hurt.

Sighing, Dean knew he would have to go on with his life soon, keep hunting, make his Sammy proud of him but for now, all Dean wanted to do was so uncharacteristic of him, that everyone actually let him be and let him do exactly what it was he wanted to do. Dean sighed one more time, stretching his arms and cracking his bones while he did so, before standing up, albeit, a little wobbly, and looking around the room. There were coffee cups galore, nothing empty, as Dean hadn’t even bothered drinking any of them when they came. He slowly got started on cleaning all those up, dumping the rotten contents of it into the sink. Bags of rotting, almost smelling take out were also around him, which he also threw out. He then slowly opened the blinds, getting use to the sunlight as he did so. He climbed into the shower and cleaned himself, including shaving his face and brushing his teeth before making the couch (fluffing) and the bed (not much work, seeing as he didn’t really sleep in it). Then he opened his phone and checked all of his messages, which were mostly other hunters, friends and families that had heard about Sam and wanted to offer their apologies. Dean deleted those ones right when he heard the sad tone in their voices. He had a few from his father, telling him the hunt he was currently on, a few from Bobby, telling him he knew what he was going through, and oddly enough, one from Ruby and Ash, which he frowned at. The two of them had disappeared at the beginning of the week and now here they were, calling him? What the hell, man? Dean shook his head before continuing his cleaning regimen, ignoring whatever he could about how he was feeling.



When he heard a knock on his door a few hours later, Dean was a little more than confused. His father was on a hunt with Bobby, so it couldn’t possibly be them, Dean hadn’t seen Castiel since his little visit when Sam was alive and well, Sam wasn’t exactly alive. Frowning, Dean opened the door shocked to find Ruby and Ash standing there, grim looks with a slight grin etched onto their faces. His eyebrows furrow in confusion before he stands aside and lets them in, albeit, a little hesitant.

“What are you guys doing here?” He questions, trying so hard not to let his anger out at them, like he had been doing with everyone else that mattered (or not) to him.

“Unfortunately, we can’t say anything until everyone gets here.” Dean just furrows his brow more, not sure what the hell is going on, but somehow letting himself trust these guys. The one that spoke was actually Ash, though it would get use to him calling him that and not Miles. He technically had a mullet, dirty brown, which just made Dean laugh but other than that, everything was the same about him.

Ruby, who was Ammolite, well, there was nothing different about her, actually. Dean cocked his head, still very confused but willing to stay quiet. He had to wait a good hour and a half until there was another knock at the door, which was then pushed open to show him his father and Bobby. His confusion just grew tenfold though, when he was told that they were still waiting for another person.  By the time two hours of waiting had passed by, Dean was waiting anxiously, his knee bouncing up and down. Shortly after though, there was another knock at the door and Dean went to get up and get it, but it opened on its own accord to show Castiel, a little more tired and worn out than what Dean was usually used to.

“What’s going on?” Dean questioned, quirking his eyebrow while wondering if maybe this was an intervention. He couldn’t help but snort at that, finding the idea ludicrous.

“No Dean, it’s something much better than that.” His father replied, grinning and patting himself on the back.

“I’m so confused,” Dean replies back, looking between everyone and trying to figure out what the hell they’re talking about. He sees Ruby and Ash look at one another before grinning, stepping closer to him and pushing him into the couch. They’re grins are wide, scaring Dean just a tad.

“You cleaned, I see?” That was his Dad, checking the place out. Dean’s just lucky he put the salt lines and sigils around before anyone could come over.

“Guys, just tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly what?”

“Exactly that!”

“WHAT?!” He screamed, pulling on his short, short hair before he notice that Ash and Ruby were laughing and everyone else had a grin on their faces. Sighing, Dean sat back down while smoothing his hair and labouring his breaths. Staring at the people around him, he noticed that they all seemed deliriously happy, like they had found the answer to their prayers, and dammit if that didn’t make Dean a little sad and a lot angry. Here he was, praying every day to find a way to get his Sammy back, and so far, he had gotten nothing in return but a whole lot of heartache, heartbreak and sleepless nights with nightmares that never belonged to him. He was sick of it.

“Dean,” That was Ruby and when he looked over at her, he noticed that she had the softest smile he’d ever seen her have, and it looked so different then what he was use to.

“What, Ruby? What’s going on with you guys?” He saw his father light up, come closer down to him, put his hand on his shoulder and smile.

“Dean, we found a way.” He says, happier than Dean can ever remember.

“Found a way for what?” Dean responds, feeling confused and daft and all around, it’s not one of the best things he’s felt but it’s definitely better than many of the other things he has felt.

“You see Dean,” That was Castiel, stepping closer, his face masked off from any emotion.

“When a demon dies, they have to die with their soul. Most demons still have their human soul intact when they come to the earth but only certain demons don’t.” Dean looks at Castiel, completely confused. He sees his Dad sigh out of the corner of his eye, and bites his lip, completely confused as to what this all matters to.

“When a soul leaves the body of someone suffering in hell, before they get to earth and become a demon, the soul leaves because the body requests it to. Doesn’t want the soul to get anymore damaged than what it already is. Do you understand that?” Dean nods, still biting his lip, wondering where this is going.

“Now, when that soul leaves the body, where is it they go? It’s not like they can go back to Earth, they have no body to hold them. It isn’t like they can go to heaven, their body is in hell, and even then they feel too much pain for Heaven, at that time. So where is it the soul goes?” Dean bites his lip harder before looking at his father.

“Purgatory?” He replies, a little unsure.

“That’s right, all the souls go to purgatory.” Castiel says, interrupting Ruby, who was explaining it for him. He looks between the two of them, can see a bond of hatred and smirks at the idea of them ever liking one another.

“Now, when that person that told his soul to leave, finally goes on earth to become a demon, he doesn’t get his soul back.” Dean nods, understanding that.

“However, if a demon dies on earth, and he has no soul, he does not truly die.” Dean scrunches up his face in confusement before voicing his thoughts.

“So, in order for a demon to die, he needs his soul in his body?”

“Yes, exactly! And if his soul isn’t in his body, Dean, but in purgatory, do you know what happens then?” Dean shakes his head no, having no idea where the hell this is going but getting butterflies in his stomach nevertheless.

“The body goes back to hell, but the soul knows it died. It knows that it deserves another chance at life.” Dean is confused, high strung and jittery and he needs answers but instead, he’s getting an explanation of the soul and death, and pretty soon he realizes that Cas is now speaking instead of Ruby.

“The soul knows it deserves a chance again, and will do everything it can to get back to the body,” Dean is even more confused now, and his father can recognize it, and he’s laughing and Dean is pouting, and holy shit, since when does he pout because that is Sam’s job, dammit.

“What are you guys saying?”

“We’re saying Dean, that we know a way to save Sam.” Dean couldn’t possibly be alive, because if he was, surely he would be able to feel his heart beating, right? Surely he...

“What? How?”

“Christ, Winchester. Were you not just listening? We go to purgatory. We go find Sam’s soul, we take Sam’s soul and...” Dean’s heart really just stops.

“And what?”

“There are severe consequences if something bad happens, Dean.” That’s Castiel, and like normal Dean can’t help but wonder why he seems so cold.

“Consequences?”

“Dean, we’re going to be getting our souls too,” Ash says, and now that Dean looks more closely, he can see how faint Ruby and him are looking without the powers of being a demon and huh, when did that happen?

“Okay, but...”

“Dean, in order to save Sam, we have to bring his soul to him - in hell, Dean.” Dean really does feel his heart stop then, because that means that he’d have to go to hell and bring the soul to Sammy and fuck if seeing Sam there won’t kill him.

“And we’d have to make sure you won’t get caught because well, a lot of demons aren’t too happy that you’re not in hell, Dean.”

He nods his head, knows the risks he’d be taking by allowing himself to do this but damn if he won’t do anything to get his baby brother back, even though he wouldn’t be such a baby when they got him back. But he’d be willing to do it all for Sam, willing to do anything for the baby brother whom he loved way more than he should have.

“Dean, are you absolutely sure you’re going to risk this?” That was Bobby and while Dean cared for Bobby and understood why Bobby was worried, Dean found himself shocked that he would have to ask him such a question, especially when it pertained to someone that was as special as Sam. Dean nodded his head, steeled his facial expression and cracked the bones in body that needed cracking before standing up.

“Alright, so explain to me what we’re doing, how we’re doing it and when the hell we’re getting started,” because if Dean was going to save his brother, he wanted it to be done as soon as possible.

A good fifteen minutes later, Dean was aware of the plan and ready to kick some demon ass right now.
“Don’t worry Sammy, I’m coming for you.”

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