lalalalala! (couldnt think of a title!)

Aug 20, 2004 12:09

Hour 11 almost of new fast!

Binged last night. I counted and in total I had eaten 1350 calories. There was a time I was actually ok with that... I find that weird because now I have to stay under 1000 no matter what. I am usually under 500, but 1000 is my limit.

God damn, I just went downstairs at like, 12:30 and this is what I ate:

-small bowl of frosted cheerios
-smaller bowl of frosted flakes
-slice of raisin bread (I FUCKING HATE RAISIN BREAD! IT IS DISGUSTING! WHY IS IT SO EVIL, I ALWAYS BINGE ON IT! EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! oh well, last time I binged I had 5 slices so I guess thats better)
-apple
-like, 1/16 of a peach
-katchup (not really sure what that was about but I was craving it all by itself. weird. Just a little bit though)

I had it planned though. I did the purging thing. I am better these days. I bent over and I didnt even have to stick my fingers back there. Just came out. Was happy at that.

Came upstairs. Felt so weak. I was scared so I ate 2 calcium chews so I wouldnt like die of no nutrients.

I was really hyper yesterday. I think it was becuase I didnt take my prozac. weird. I think I am bipolar. i have really fucking high highs and low lows.

Last night was such a good night with friends and stuff. Drove around. went to starbucks. Why did I have to ruin it? I ate a toffee almond bar. It was soooooooooooo yummy. Like, they are my weakness but it has been so long since I have eaten one so it was fabulous. S...ooooo..... fucking....... orgasmically...... (haha)good. You have no idea. I also talked to steph. We talked a long time about all sorts of stuff and about how I didnt want to binge that toffee almond bar. But I think I got it out anyways. Do you know how sad that makes me? After it was so good? I really wanted to keep it down. How dumb. But I was so happy today. So why did I binge. i am supposed to binge when I am sad. But it was a good day.

so someone please tell me... what the fuck is wrong with me?
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