Private Journal Entry
Roy's really not happy with me. I can't say I blame him. And I should be unhappy, too. Last time he was this upset- I think, he did kind of storm out- I was threatening to jump off roofs. I'm not. I hope he's not mad at me, but I'm... not going to kill myself. Although it makes me wonder if he's going to break up with me over the fact that I can't keep my pants up. I couldn't blame him if he did.
And while I'd be sad... I wouldn't die. I'd be able to survive. Something's changed, I guess. I still love both Roy and Dessa more than anything else in the whole fucking world, but I'm not a pathetic, moaning mass dependent on them for emotional comfort at all times. It's weird how quickly things can change.
I suppose with my brand new viewpoint on life, I should say something like, 'and now I'll never let myself be used like that again' about Victor or something, but I won't. I like being used. It's fun. I can stop it if it's going to lead to me or someone else I like dying, but being manipulated isn't that bad.
I'm going out for a run now. I'll try and see what Roy thinks when I get back.
And while I'd be sad... I wouldn't die. I'd be able to survive. Something's changed, I guess. I still love both Roy and Dessa more than anything else in the whole fucking world, but I'm not a pathetic, moaning mass dependent on them for emotional comfort at all times. It's weird how quickly things can change.
I suppose with my brand new viewpoint on life, I should say something like, 'and now I'll never let myself be used like that again' about Victor or something, but I won't. I like being used. It's fun. I can stop it if it's going to lead to me or someone else I like dying, but being manipulated isn't that bad.
I'm going out for a run now. I'll try and see what Roy thinks when I get back.