(no subject)
so basically, my life is not going the way i'd hoped. i'm turning into the stereotypical teen i always looked down upon... pretty much: drugs, sex, and rock and roll. driving dangerously fast, sneaking out, smoking like a fiend, partying hard everynight, seeing someone "way too old" for me, grades dropping miserably, no motivation to do anything else... the list goes on.
and i can't stop because the only time life isnt dissapointing me is when i'm high. so basically i'm "throwing my life away" in order to make life live-able? well isnt that a shocker.
about a week ago i had a weird dream... i don't remember much, but i had a son, and i took him with me on a trip but everyone around me was trying to take him from me and the whole time i was trying to get him back. it was horrible, but i remember when i had him in my arms, i was at peace, he was beautiful.
in other news... my brother called me... it kinda freaked me out, but the whole time i was trying to hold back tears of joy. i've missed him so much, i dont think he'll ever understand how happy i was to get that call
bleh. but with every good thing, comes a bad too... i finally admitted to myself that i actually care about someone, that i really like him... only to find out that he's decided to move away. we just decided to be "exclusive" and then i find his blog, saying that he may take the climbing job he was offered in malaysia, or australia... i guess i kind of expected it, he's not the kind of guy to sit around in one place for too long, his life is too exciting... but it was nice while it lasted... having someone wanting to hang out with me, someone to keep me warm on cold nights, just the simple stuff. bleh.
god, im so tired of boy-drama. every guy that i try to hang out with just ends up hitting on me, even my best friend, even customers a work (a 24 year old asked me out while he was holding his two year old DAUGHTER in his arms wtf). i just want one guy, one that isnt just trying to get in my fucking pants, or some shit like that.
life was so much simpler last year. ugh... i hate when i get like this, i sound like such a fucking emo. grrrr
and i can't stop because the only time life isnt dissapointing me is when i'm high. so basically i'm "throwing my life away" in order to make life live-able? well isnt that a shocker.
about a week ago i had a weird dream... i don't remember much, but i had a son, and i took him with me on a trip but everyone around me was trying to take him from me and the whole time i was trying to get him back. it was horrible, but i remember when i had him in my arms, i was at peace, he was beautiful.
in other news... my brother called me... it kinda freaked me out, but the whole time i was trying to hold back tears of joy. i've missed him so much, i dont think he'll ever understand how happy i was to get that call
bleh. but with every good thing, comes a bad too... i finally admitted to myself that i actually care about someone, that i really like him... only to find out that he's decided to move away. we just decided to be "exclusive" and then i find his blog, saying that he may take the climbing job he was offered in malaysia, or australia... i guess i kind of expected it, he's not the kind of guy to sit around in one place for too long, his life is too exciting... but it was nice while it lasted... having someone wanting to hang out with me, someone to keep me warm on cold nights, just the simple stuff. bleh.
god, im so tired of boy-drama. every guy that i try to hang out with just ends up hitting on me, even my best friend, even customers a work (a 24 year old asked me out while he was holding his two year old DAUGHTER in his arms wtf). i just want one guy, one that isnt just trying to get in my fucking pants, or some shit like that.
life was so much simpler last year. ugh... i hate when i get like this, i sound like such a fucking emo. grrrr