Friends only, pls read something about me before adding & COMMENT BEFORE ADDING
You know what, I've never given a proper introduction thing-y about myself, so I'm gonna.
Mind you, I am really boring and never good at giving introductions lol, I always get so self-consious (well doh).
My name is Sabine and I am from the Netherlands. I live in a town near Amsterdam, I think that will ring a bell for most? I'll be 20 at the end of next Month so goodbye teens!
I study Fashion and Management in Amsterdam, a Bachelors degree. I have been interested (ok, obsessed) with fashion for as long as I can remember so I am really glad I got the opportunity to study this. I'm halfway trough my second year, so thats another two and a half left. I'm in the Interational classes (which means everything is in English and my degree will be internationally recognized woop) and I hope/plan on getting a job abroad when I'm finished. Living in the US would be awesome. We dont have Starbucks here you know... And not as many Ben&Jerry's flavours.
I still live at home, unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I would love to live on myself. Not that I would be capable lol, I cant cook, wash or anything actually, but still. I dont mind living at home though! My parents are actually really great. I live with my mom, her boyfriend of ... 7-ish years? My halfbrother and 2 stepbrothers who are here only partially (joint custody with the mom of the kids). Nope, not your traditional family. Oh and I have a cat and dog!
My mom divorced my dad when she was pregnant of me because he cheated on her, mf son-of-a-bitch right? Right.
They had a co parentship until I was like 11 but they were always fighting and stuff and one day there was one big fight and... well I dont really remember cause I was so young but then I stopped visiting my dad. I dont remember what he looks like.
My mother remarried when I was 8 or 9 or something of that age. I saw that guy as my father because I was so young and my real dad was out of my life. He abused me for years though. Sexually. I have this memory, and this is disgusting to say, that when my mother and he just started dating, he was already doing it. He spend the night with my mom and in the morning when my mom was still asleep, he did stuff to me he shouldnt have. I'll just put it like that. I was like 9 or something. How sick is that??? He never raped me thank God. When they got divorced me and my brother kept visiting him, I dont know why I did that. But one day my mother found out, she read something I wrote. So then I of course stopped visiting him, and thank God she mad my little brother stop visiting him too. He just is an awful man and addicted to pot and stuff, not having a job and I was always taking care of my brother when we were there, I wouldnt dare letting him go there alone.
So that brings me to where I am now. The guy she's with now is great. For a man, you know ;-).
I myself have a boyfriend of 2,5 years now. He's the sweetest thing ever. I genuinely love him and want to get old and wrinkly with him. We're having a bit of a rough patch now because he's swamped with work and sports and we just dont see each other enough. I can only hope things well get better sooner or later, and they will.
When in highschool I got called 'fat' a lot. It was something me and my friends always did, call each other fat.
But I secretly didnt believe they were joking when it came to me. I didnt see myself as fat though. Until I was 15 I was a stick. People always thought I was 12 because I was so short and skinny. I HATED it. All I wanted was boobs and ass and some meat. Wellllll I got what I wanted. All around the same time I started birth-control, stopped smoking (yes at the age of 15, I started when I was 13 :\ ), got a scooter and I ate junkfood NONstop. I gained a lot, fast.
Finally I had an ass and boobs lol. Well last year I realized I wasnt 'curvy', I was 'chubby'.
When I started to lose weight, it turned into so much more, within a time span of about 2 months.
Thats quite scary when I think of it. It is only now that I realize that it wasnt a diet turned bad, I didnt went to far in losing weight by accident, no, I'm addicited to the pain it brings me. And the control. I just have the urge to be 'weird' or 'strange' or 'different'. When I was very little, I always made people call my by a different name. I never wanted to be who I was, just me.
My ed history isnt that long as it 'only' started last year. I was losing a lot of weight be restricting and running and cycling day in day out. I got a lot of comments on getting too thin, eating too little, exercizing too much, etc. By everyone. Seriously, people whom I hadnt seen or spoken to for ages wouldnt even kept their mouthes shut.
In June/July of this year I got to my lowest weight. Unfortunately my binging and purging kept getting worse and I barely lost weight, or I would keep losing and gaining the same 3lbs over and over again. September screwed me over. Instead of just proper restricting I turned to fasting, but since I was still in binge-mode or something I screwed up every time and gained a lot. The last week of September I gained a solid 6lbs. In one week yes. A fast followed by 6 days of binging on fat/sugar/carbs/alcohol, I was out of control really. My body was just so deprived and my braisn didnt work lol.
I am still working on losing those pounds. I hope to be back at my normal weight at the beginning of Januari.
Pretty confident about that. After that I dont really have set goals, I'll just try and stop when I feel its time.
I just do what I am comfortable with; restirict to 500 cals and work out a lot.
I really am an exercize junki.
So yeah, when you look at this you can probably pinpoint numerous textbook triggers for my ed but I am not so sure.
Not knowing my father, moving a lot, being sexually abused, yadayadayada. Could be you know, but I dont feel like any of that shit is the reason for me being the way I am.
Yay thats my official intro. Ooooh some random fun stuff:
I am addicted to watching Friends. I watch about 2 episodes every night before I go to sleep.
My boyfriend hates me for it though HA!.
I loOoo0oove shopping and taking pics of outfits, so when I am skinny again I'll hope to post a lot of pics of outfits, I love that :D.
I love watching movies but lately I'm always having a hard time getting to the end of a movie, no matter how good it is, I am just wrecked a the end of the day, period.
I love my cat and want to cuddle it 24/7 but I am allergic (developed it at the age of 16 :s) so that SUCKS BALLS
I am a procratinator, I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS postpone things. The more important something is, the longer I wait to do it.
I hate coffee, I drink tea for the life of me.
I love looking terrible, worrying people :\
I actually enjoy feeling sick. Not sick as in having a flu, but sick of not eating, exercizing, losing weight, going mad, just being numb. Sometimes I just take diet pills at night, when I havent had anything to eat, to feel like shit and not being able to sleep. Yes I am fucked up.
I love cake, doughnuts, NUTELLA, peanutbutter, chocolate, cheesecake, hamburgers, icecream, hot chocolate, bread, pasta, mozzarella, pesto, croissants, cereal, marzipan and candybars.
I like tiiiiny breasts. I like them better than big ones.
I have a serious shoe addiction. Lately I havent been able to execute it because I have NO money, but I used to buy around 4 pairs (at least) a month. I have allll different types, colours, styles, you name it.
I love vintage clothing.
I want purple nail-polish and I need a new bodyscrub.
K, all done now!
Please let me know if you want to know anything else. Doubtfull, I know.
I'll leave this post unlocked so people can get to know me a bit before adding me :-)
(And please comment first before adding! Greatly appreciated!)
(Oh and I just wanted to say one more thing: I am really thankful I got to know so many great girls here on livejournal,
it truly makes me feel less alone in this, and I find you all so funny, interesting, thoughtful and SWEET. )
K BYE