(no subject)
i can't bring myself to pack.
its like accepting reality and i just dont know if i am ready to do that so for now i will sit in bed reading a book about a hermaphrodite.
a few days ago everything was fine.
now i am done with school. my friends are gone. i am done with work. the 2 jobs that were looking promising are not looking promising any more and if i dont hear from them tomorrow i am going to have to start applying other places. my apartment is empty. except for my room. everyone is leaving tomorrow. all i wanted to do this weekend was see my family and they were all far away from me. rob and i broke up. and after the initiation by me on wednesday night we havent really talked about anything. i hear rumors. it hurts and i get angry. i get angry because he was too chicken to ever say anything, even now after i did ALL the work for him. after i break up with myself he still doesnt have the courage to tell me the truth about anything even when i say it for him. i dont know when i want to graduate and therefore still dont know if i am taking classes this summer.
i'm not unhappy. i am just afraid. and lonely. i need someone to be with me physically and i dont have anyone. tomorrow i am going to be sitting in an empty apartment by myself waiting for my "boyfriend" of a year and a half to come help me move. he doesnt give a shit about me.
when sean and i broke up little shit followed me everywhere. i'd look at the clock and it would be 2:25 or i would go to the atm and it would start speaking in a british accent.
rob and i dont have little shit. in retrospect i dont know anything about him and i know he knows nothing about me. but i can't get his eyes out of my head. so blue. the way they used to look at me and how i knew exactly what he was thinking. too bad i couldnt see that he was full of shit the whole time.
its like accepting reality and i just dont know if i am ready to do that so for now i will sit in bed reading a book about a hermaphrodite.
a few days ago everything was fine.
now i am done with school. my friends are gone. i am done with work. the 2 jobs that were looking promising are not looking promising any more and if i dont hear from them tomorrow i am going to have to start applying other places. my apartment is empty. except for my room. everyone is leaving tomorrow. all i wanted to do this weekend was see my family and they were all far away from me. rob and i broke up. and after the initiation by me on wednesday night we havent really talked about anything. i hear rumors. it hurts and i get angry. i get angry because he was too chicken to ever say anything, even now after i did ALL the work for him. after i break up with myself he still doesnt have the courage to tell me the truth about anything even when i say it for him. i dont know when i want to graduate and therefore still dont know if i am taking classes this summer.
i'm not unhappy. i am just afraid. and lonely. i need someone to be with me physically and i dont have anyone. tomorrow i am going to be sitting in an empty apartment by myself waiting for my "boyfriend" of a year and a half to come help me move. he doesnt give a shit about me.
when sean and i broke up little shit followed me everywhere. i'd look at the clock and it would be 2:25 or i would go to the atm and it would start speaking in a british accent.
rob and i dont have little shit. in retrospect i dont know anything about him and i know he knows nothing about me. but i can't get his eyes out of my head. so blue. the way they used to look at me and how i knew exactly what he was thinking. too bad i couldnt see that he was full of shit the whole time.