There is always a conclusion, just not the one you expect
Title: Thirteen Conclusions for Thirteen Random Facts of Life, or Maybe Not for Some of Them
Author: Thiective
Series: X/1999
Rating: T and a bit of allusion to NC-17 that I couldn't help putting there.
Pairing: ...as before, I'll list them from their predecessors. So here is the list.
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst - Mostly in poetry or thoughts, maybe a bit of romance, friendship, allusions and tragedy, but yeah. These shorts are in stanzas. The lines for the stanzas are once again 4, 5, 6, 5, and 5. I still have a slight cold, and to add to the mood, I’m listening to music. Once again, here is the song list pt.2.
Status: Complete
Comments/Warnings: Spoilers from the manga and anime, and maybe a bit of OOCness of the characters themselves, and allusions to well some things along with other literary devices like simile or metaphors. While I was thinking of this, I was thinking of some themes of what I need to write about that I haven't done yet. My imagination, was disappointed that I didn’t write more than I should, suggest that I make more, and that is how it leads to this. I’m not crazy if you guys are thinking that. =P Anyway, we all need a healthy dose of every emotion, right? ^__~
Kamui/Fuuma; Small hint of Subaru/Kamui if you squint - Hope
There was hope that flickers within him constantly,
Like a flame on a candle, he hopes Kamui realize,
Realize his own wish, his heart’s true desire,
That Kamui is able to stop him from killing him.
If not, and that Kamui wished for him to come back,
Then he’ll have to diminished that flame,
That continues to flicker in him,
That kept him alight, and kept him hoping,
He’ll have to kill Kamui.
He loves him so much,
That to fall into the act of Dark Kamui,
Felt so easy, so addicting like a drug,
That he’ll have to watch Kamui,
And forced him to continue on that path,
To continue on and forced him to face facts.
Those facts that he refused to believe,
Those facts he refused to believe himself,
And he forgotten to diminish that flame itself,
As he watched and listened, he envies,
Envies the fact that someone else got close.
Got so close to Kamui, that the flame burst into a cold fire,
Making him want to diminished hope, the hope that radiates in the violet eyes
He is so memorized with, to minimizes his own, and when that time reached,
He grabbed hold of that person, and when that day comes,
He wants to hope that Kamui realizes his own wish, in order to stop him.
Fuuma/Kamui - Devastated
In cunning defiance, Fate and death are very cruel,
Fuuma realized the sword through Kamui’s body,
His own golden eyes widen as they returned to normal chocolate,
They took Kamui away, leaving him alone with no purpose.
In reflex, he was about to pulled the sword from Kamui’s body,
When Kamui gripped hold of his sword hard, and smiled at him,
Sadly? Wistful? Longing? Tiredly? Regret? He would never know,
‘I’m sorry, but I want the Earth and Humanity to survive.’
Falling into act as Dark Kamui is rather easy now,.
He smiled down bitterly at Kamui,
‘Did you disregard your own wish to make this one?’,
Kamui shook his head weakly, ‘I didn’t, I want you to live as well,
Because you are worth it, Fuuma.’ Eyes widen, Kamui used this opportunity,
To pull the sword out of his body, and fall. Red paint stained everywhere,
His hands, the sword, the floor, Kamui died.
Refocusing, he closed his eyes, gather Kamui’s cold body to him,
And cried, cried at the fact that Kamui and Kotori left him,
Cried at the fact, that maybe Kamui loved and already knew,
Already knew that he has to die today,
Not knowing his wish, not knowing that Fuuma himself wanted to die today.
He wanted everything back as it used to be,
Back to the way it was, back to the past, and change it,
Back to when Kamui and Kotori were alive,
Back to when Kamui and Kotori needed him, but Death took Kamui,
And he is left devastated in this world as it turns as Time instructed it to.
Keiichi/Kamui - Relief
Keiichi looked up at hearing the door opened,
And looked back down at his desk again in disappointment,
Why disappointment? The person who came into the room,
Was another student, not the one he is waiting to come through those doors.
Was he expecting too much? Or was he hoping too much?
He didn’t know, what he does know is that while he is here,
Safe, away from Tokyo with the other CLAMP’s students,
The notifications for evacuations were all of sudden,
But it was expected from the earthquakes that are frequent.
But that didn’t ease his worry, that didn’t ease the fact Kamui is missing,
Not with the rest of the students that are here with him,
Not with him here, when he swore that he protect Kamui’s smile.
He wants to be there, wherever Kamui is,
Out there to protect him, out there to sacrifice his life for him,
So that’ll give him relief that Kamui will still be alive.
The door opened again, and like a puppy, he looked up, expecting,
But also like a sad puppy, he looked down since it was a teacher.
Waiting is probably the most difficult experience he knows of,
Waiting for the person he wants to come through that door,
So he can hug him, lecture him, before confessing and kissing him.
He wasn’t kidding when he said Kamui is pretty, Kamui really is pretty,
The door opened, he looked up, Kamui is there, worn, tired and a mess,
Without thinking he rushed over and hugged the smaller teen,
“K-Keiichi?” Arms carefully tightened around him, relief rushed through his soul,
Keiichi didn’t care what Kamui is going to say later, as long as Kamui is alive, he didn’t care.
Keiichi/Fuuma - Grief
It’s been awhile, a touch and go here and there,
Keiichi has been a great help to Fuuma,
Helping him up from where he has fallen,
But he hadn’t grieved yet.
None of them did, or none of them had the time,
The grief for someone they care for,
Threaten to spill and let them drown in misery.
Keiichi didn’t grief, he already knew how to,
It’s just felt so wrong, if he were too to grief now.
He could allow Fuuma to grief, but never with him around,
He chuckles bitterly, there he goes wondering in his own mind.
He could grieve later; he already grieved enough for his own loss,
His parents deaths, and Kamui’s have already been grieved.
And he wonders if Kamui let Fuuma stay alive,
Just for Keiichi to pull Fuuma back together.
He looks at Fuuma who is staring at the white grave stone,
To Dearly Beloved, Shriou Kamui,
November 5, 1986 - December 31, 1999,
Died at seventeen, a beloved friend, our savior.
Keiichi smiles sadly, Kamui’s isn’t a savior, but an unlucky teen to have this fate.
Linking his fingers with the other, he acknowledges that presence,
He acknowledges the fact Keiichi will continue on with him,
To help back to when he was Fuuma that Kamui knew and loved.
Curling his fingers around the other, Fuuma gives him a slight smile,
He had grieved enough for now, there is always time to grief later.
Subaru/Kamui - Alone
Now he regrets, for pushing that boy away,
He regrets for being alone now,
But this loneliness felt emptier,
Bigger than the one Seishirou created.
Those memories, surrendering to darkness, his breath hitch,
His shaking hands reach for the cancer stick and his lungs refused to intake the gray cloud,
He tries not to remember the smiles from that teen,
He tries not to remember the spark in light violet eyes,
He tries not to remember the tears shed from those eyes.
If anything, he would give anything,
To have Kamui back alive,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the sadness again,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the guilt again,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the regret again,
And most of all, he doesn’t want to feel alone again.
Sometimes he dreams, they weren’t that bad as last time,
Some of those dreams are of when Kamui was alive,
Some of those are nightmares when Kamui's body hanged limply on puppet strings,
Some of them, he wished what would’ve happen if Kamui still lives,
Some of those dreams, are what could’ve happen if Subaru stayed around.
Some of them, made him feel like he is whole again,
And some, he wants to prevent Kamui’s death,
When he wakes up, the distinct feeling of loneliness and longing is there and aching,
Because Kamui protected him from dying when he betrayed Dark Kamui,
He dares himself to wish that Kamui is still alive to not feel this alone anymore.
Subaru/Kamui; Hinted other pairings as well - Simple Words
It took awhile, but now and again, they whisper.
Getting tired of silence, they want to fill in the silence,
With something that doesn’t required a lot talking,
But they do say simple words to each other from time and again.
Though the silence is still there, it’s amusing to see others talking about it.
Sorta complained about the silence,
Arashi shrugged at it, didn’t care about that fact as she is used to silence,
Yuzuriha wasn’t able to get it, while Kusanagi laughed softly,
Yuuto and Karen shared knowing looks before they smirked at them.
After the Promised Day, they’ve felt slightly better,
But they still remember the deaths of their loved ones,
“Let’s remember them.” Subaru whispered into Kamui’s ear,
Kamui drink in the older man’s presence, and whisper back those words.
“Thank you.” A thousand meanings to for what it is about.
They are just simple words, but enough to say so much more.
It ranged from thank you for being there, thank you for being alive,
Thank you for being around, but it didn’t reach to ‘I Love You’ yet,
Perhaps they already knew, perhaps they didn’t,
The others sighed in disappointment, well at least it’s getting better,
At least between them, they have something to fill the silence.
At least there is slight hope for these two,
Just slightly that comes from those simple words,
Subaru’s arms that are around Kamui, tightened,
“You’re welcome.” They didn’t move, but they feel lighter,
Because it’s from those simple words they whispered to each other only.
Seishirou/Subaru - Ghost
To see ghosts, means you have some sort of weird sixth sense to see them,
A spiritual manifestation, one would say,
Someone who was long dead visited, the other would say,
Or someone that haunts the living, that’s what exorcists and omnyojis are for.
Subaru’s ghosts are a bit different,
They never seem to let go of their hold of him,
Or rather, he doesn’t want to let them go,
Those ghosts manifested from his memories,
His tragic pasts, his twisted wish for the one he loves to not die.
But his own wish, was to die by that person’s hand,
In surprising relevance, that person wanted to die by his,
Some may call this twisted, and that he is grieving,
But he tells them, that he isn’t, and that he loves that man,
Which some of those people, scoffs and called him insane,
He didn’t care; he rather let those ghosts haunt him.
The person he loves, became a ghost to him,
After he struck his hand through, clean to the heart,
Kamui didn’t blame him for being this shocked and depressed,
But then, nobody would if they were in his place,
Especially hearing those words from the dying Seishirou himself.
The ghosts that the exorcists and omnyojis speak of, feed on negative emotions,
But Subaru’s feeds on his life, and he doesn’t mind it at all.
“Let me go.” The ghost of Seishirou said, Subaru shook his head,
“No.” Subaru knew that this ghost of Seishirou isn’t the actual one,
It’s better than nothing, he rather have the ghost of Seishirou here with him.
Alive!Seishirou/Kamui/Subaru; hints of Kamui/Fuuma - There
Finally free from Fate’s play felt so odd, quiet, and empty.
To the three of them, they feel detached from reality,
Seishirou and Subaru feel less detached from it,
But Kamui feels more of it.
Kamui stands over his first love graves,
He already said goodbye to Kotori’s at the campus,
But he feels empty when he is at Fuuma’s.
So many words he wanted to say,
So many apologizes he whispers into the wind and hope.
Hoping for the wind to carry those words to Fuuma,
Hoping to know that if Fuuma forgives him for killing him,
Driving his sword through his heart, hearing a whisper of ‘sorry’,
He broke, he cried, he wants to be with Fuuma so much that it hurts.
Subaru and Seishirou were the ones who found him; they look at each other,
And brought him back home, and offering comfort for the teen.
There wasn’t any pity, but comfort and understanding,
Because they are there, because they knew him,
Because they are alive,
Because Kamui is their support, their pillar, kind of like glue,
Kamui is their hope to move on, ignoring Fate as it taunted at them.
They make Kamui feel normal,
Kamui smiles and laughs, because of Seishirou,
Kamui sleeps peacefully in content, because of Subaru,
Seishirou and Subaru are here together,
It’s because of Kamui who held them together.
Kamui was in the middle, watching in amusement, annoyance and content,
Because it was hilarious for what Seishirou is doing to Subaru and him,
Because it was funny as Subaru scolded Seishirou like a mother hen,
So to return the favor, they let Kamui know they are there,
That they are willing to share his sadness and pain, because they care.
Nokoru/Kamui/Subaru - Comfort
Fate, as Kamui summarized, is cruel,
Not only to him, but to Subaru as well,
He could still remember those soft comforting words,
Those pair of mismatched eyes forever engraved him.
He clutched the light brown coat close to him,
And he sank into the arms provided by the blue-eyed blond,
Those arms tightened, a hand smooths his hair soothingly,
Kamui could smell of that rich cologne,
Closing his eyes, he allows the man to comfort him.
He inhale a stuttering breath, as he remember,
It came into shock for him, as he remember crying for the older man,
Subaru, even though switched sides, protected Kamui from Death.
“Why?” Kamui asked as he cradled Subaru in his arms,
“Because…” Kamui leaned in closer to hear those raspy words,
His eyes widen, Death’s hand grasp Subaru and lead him away.
Kamui remember burying his face into the man’s rapidly cold body,
And cried, those memories played like a broken record,
He remember those faint smiles, the small spark that he was able to bring out,
He moved away and kissed those cold lips, trying to willed them to move,
But they didn’t, and he cried more because the pain of the loss hurts.
Nokoru, wasn’t sure whether he hated that man or feel annoyed at him,
What he feels toward Subaru, wasn’t jealously, but more of a slight dislike,
For leaving Kamu in this state, he left his fan alone and held the teen close.
“Thank you.” Nokoru nodded his head, a slight smile settle on his lips,
“I’m always here, if you need me.” And that cycle repeats in the few weeks to come.
Seishirou/Kamui - Blind
Kamui isn’t blind, he could tell when that person is watching him,
It aggravates him that he is watching in amusement,
It annoys him that when he turns around, he finds no one there,
In odd sense, it gave him slight comfort knowing he is there.
Kamui isn’t blind at that fact half of the people he knows are dead,
And the other half of them wished to be far from here,
Not wanting to remember, he understands this, he isn’t blind to see that weight hasn't lifted,
And he knows the fact that he is drifting off into his own world,
Pretending that other half of the people that are still alive.
Kamui isn’t blind for not noticing the pink petals in one corner,
He isn’t blind at the fact he could feel the familiar gold eye staring at him,
And he isn’t blind at the fact that he, himself, is broken a long time ago.
Kamui isn’t blind for wanting to see that man physically,
For comfort in emotionally or spiritually, he’ll be damned to know if its one of them,
Any sort of comfort is fine, he isn’t blind about it.
Kamui wants to feel the Sakurazukamori’s touch,
To feel his rough touch on his skin, to feel those pink petals cut through him,
To feel his pain shot through him, making him feel wanted,
To feel his tongue licked his blood off his skin, making him feel light headed
Kamui isn’t blind at the fact he swallowed two pills of masochism from Subaru.
He isn’t blind at wanting the feeling of the pain on the back of his hands,
At wanting those star shape signs mark him,
He isn’t blind at the fact that he is becoming his toy,
A broken toy that can still play, a broken toy that can be break,
Maybe he is blind when he said he is happy to Seishirou, for belonging to him.
Subaru/Kamui/Fuuma; Seishirou/Subaru if you squint - Rain
Kamui let the raindrops hit him,
He didn’t care at the fact that he is going to get wet,
Nor did he care about the fact that he might get a cold,
Not when his own world is slowly breaking apart.
It’s getting harder to breath, he didn’t mean it literally,
But the pain is there, the pain of abandonment,
Betrayal, and loss is there, and he let the rain take away his memories,
He missed those that were with him before realizing his role,
He missed those that were with him after realizing his role.
He missed his mom, aunt, Kotori, the list goes on,
He missed Fuuma, being there for him, being there when he needed,
But he also missed Subaru, understanding the similar pain and tragedy,
Giving him that hope that Fuuma can be brought back.
Kamui already realized that Fuuma loves him, and if things were different,
He would’ve asked Fuuma to give him time so he could return them.
Then there’s Subaru, Kamui held a soft spot for the older man,
He respected him, and enjoyed spending time with him,
He wanted to help Subaru up from the aftermath of Rainbow Bridge,
But he was gone the next day; Kamui could feel the lump in his throat,
Unsure of what to do, his world started raining.
Kamui gritted his teeth, he should never trusted that man,
Never gotten so close, but his world is raining as well;
He could feel the connection with him; his and Subaru’s rain lighten up a bit,
But Kamui’s fell harder when the man went, and now he hated the rain.
The rain, some say, is cleansing, but it seems to ignore him, and didn’t take away his memories like he asked it to.
Yuuto/Kamui - Admire
Admiring the things in life, is what Yuuto always do,
He is an observer, a player, and thinks with logic,
He rather watched from the sidelines and wait,
Wait for the time when he is able to interfere.
It is days from the that fabled dooms day,
And yet, it almost felt like it was an ordinary day to him.
Almost, but he wonders if he should be glad,
Glad at the fact he had time to observe Kamui,
Not Dark Kamui, but the opposite leader in the form of a teenager.
Yuuto sometimes wonder if he should be glad for other reasons as well,
Glad at the fact that Kamui didn’t die on that day,
Glad at the fact that Subaru and Kamui are just friends,
Glad at the fact that the whole ordeal is over,
Or glad at the fact he still has time to admire the beautiful creature under him,
Withering, moaning, and gasping from his touches and kisses he offers.
It never ceases to amuse him on remembering their first meeting,
He always does remember the teen at that time being a bit naive,
Since he was being rather optimistic, but he is also perceptive,
Perceptive to the point that Kamui is willing to share his point of views with him,
No fights, just words and arguments, completely harmless but interesting.
He admires the strength of will Kamui currently has,
He admires the beauty that Kamui retains, inside and out,
He admires Kamui’s heart, broken and fragile like a glass cup,
He admires those eyes and smiles that’s given to him only, only him,
And he once again swoops down to kiss the teen breathlessly.
Aoki/Kusangi - Happy?
They meet again with hesitated smiles,
They are unsure, unsure what to say.
They are hesitant, that they are sure,
They would never meet, that they are unsure of.
The bond is there, but its thin and fragile,
On opposing sides, they tried not to hurt each other that much,
But then again, both members of each sides would wonder why,
So they faked it, they understood what each other must do,
They accepted the fact that they couldn’t turn away from Fate.
For every blow, there is “I’m sorry” in that meaning.
For each counter, there is “It’s alright, it’s not your fault.”
Sometimes those injuries are extensive, and one is left with guilt,
Sometimes it isn’t, and both lives for another day just to see each other.
For each time they meet during battle, they meet with bitter acceptance,
For each time they hit, one is left with guilt.
Now it’s over, now it’s hard to say those words.
They ran into each other in the next few years,
By coincidence most would think, but Fate dictates the future of her pawns,
And there was this question, the gentle giant ask,
“Are you happy?” The wind master closes his eyes and thinks.
Was he really happy? Not really with the losses in the war,
Sometimes he remembers his own losses, he pushed those away,
And kept on moving; but was he really happy now? Taking a deep breath,
He reaches and soothes the hand of the gentle giant, “I’m not sure, you?”,
“I’m getting there.” The soothing breeze ruffles Kusanagi’s hair lightly, “Then I am too.”
♠→♥→♣→♦→Owari←♦←♣←♥←♠
Read and Review, Critiques are acceptable.
Author: Thiective
Series: X/1999
Rating: T and a bit of allusion to NC-17 that I couldn't help putting there.
Pairing: ...as before, I'll list them from their predecessors. So here is the list.
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst - Mostly in poetry or thoughts, maybe a bit of romance, friendship, allusions and tragedy, but yeah. These shorts are in stanzas. The lines for the stanzas are once again 4, 5, 6, 5, and 5. I still have a slight cold, and to add to the mood, I’m listening to music. Once again, here is the song list pt.2.
Status: Complete
Comments/Warnings: Spoilers from the manga and anime, and maybe a bit of OOCness of the characters themselves, and allusions to well some things along with other literary devices like simile or metaphors. While I was thinking of this, I was thinking of some themes of what I need to write about that I haven't done yet. My imagination, was disappointed that I didn’t write more than I should, suggest that I make more, and that is how it leads to this. I’m not crazy if you guys are thinking that. =P Anyway, we all need a healthy dose of every emotion, right? ^__~
Kamui/Fuuma; Small hint of Subaru/Kamui if you squint - Hope
There was hope that flickers within him constantly,
Like a flame on a candle, he hopes Kamui realize,
Realize his own wish, his heart’s true desire,
That Kamui is able to stop him from killing him.
If not, and that Kamui wished for him to come back,
Then he’ll have to diminished that flame,
That continues to flicker in him,
That kept him alight, and kept him hoping,
He’ll have to kill Kamui.
He loves him so much,
That to fall into the act of Dark Kamui,
Felt so easy, so addicting like a drug,
That he’ll have to watch Kamui,
And forced him to continue on that path,
To continue on and forced him to face facts.
Those facts that he refused to believe,
Those facts he refused to believe himself,
And he forgotten to diminish that flame itself,
As he watched and listened, he envies,
Envies the fact that someone else got close.
Got so close to Kamui, that the flame burst into a cold fire,
Making him want to diminished hope, the hope that radiates in the violet eyes
He is so memorized with, to minimizes his own, and when that time reached,
He grabbed hold of that person, and when that day comes,
He wants to hope that Kamui realizes his own wish, in order to stop him.
Fuuma/Kamui - Devastated
In cunning defiance, Fate and death are very cruel,
Fuuma realized the sword through Kamui’s body,
His own golden eyes widen as they returned to normal chocolate,
They took Kamui away, leaving him alone with no purpose.
In reflex, he was about to pulled the sword from Kamui’s body,
When Kamui gripped hold of his sword hard, and smiled at him,
Sadly? Wistful? Longing? Tiredly? Regret? He would never know,
‘I’m sorry, but I want the Earth and Humanity to survive.’
Falling into act as Dark Kamui is rather easy now,.
He smiled down bitterly at Kamui,
‘Did you disregard your own wish to make this one?’,
Kamui shook his head weakly, ‘I didn’t, I want you to live as well,
Because you are worth it, Fuuma.’ Eyes widen, Kamui used this opportunity,
To pull the sword out of his body, and fall. Red paint stained everywhere,
His hands, the sword, the floor, Kamui died.
Refocusing, he closed his eyes, gather Kamui’s cold body to him,
And cried, cried at the fact that Kamui and Kotori left him,
Cried at the fact, that maybe Kamui loved and already knew,
Already knew that he has to die today,
Not knowing his wish, not knowing that Fuuma himself wanted to die today.
He wanted everything back as it used to be,
Back to the way it was, back to the past, and change it,
Back to when Kamui and Kotori were alive,
Back to when Kamui and Kotori needed him, but Death took Kamui,
And he is left devastated in this world as it turns as Time instructed it to.
Keiichi/Kamui - Relief
Keiichi looked up at hearing the door opened,
And looked back down at his desk again in disappointment,
Why disappointment? The person who came into the room,
Was another student, not the one he is waiting to come through those doors.
Was he expecting too much? Or was he hoping too much?
He didn’t know, what he does know is that while he is here,
Safe, away from Tokyo with the other CLAMP’s students,
The notifications for evacuations were all of sudden,
But it was expected from the earthquakes that are frequent.
But that didn’t ease his worry, that didn’t ease the fact Kamui is missing,
Not with the rest of the students that are here with him,
Not with him here, when he swore that he protect Kamui’s smile.
He wants to be there, wherever Kamui is,
Out there to protect him, out there to sacrifice his life for him,
So that’ll give him relief that Kamui will still be alive.
The door opened again, and like a puppy, he looked up, expecting,
But also like a sad puppy, he looked down since it was a teacher.
Waiting is probably the most difficult experience he knows of,
Waiting for the person he wants to come through that door,
So he can hug him, lecture him, before confessing and kissing him.
He wasn’t kidding when he said Kamui is pretty, Kamui really is pretty,
The door opened, he looked up, Kamui is there, worn, tired and a mess,
Without thinking he rushed over and hugged the smaller teen,
“K-Keiichi?” Arms carefully tightened around him, relief rushed through his soul,
Keiichi didn’t care what Kamui is going to say later, as long as Kamui is alive, he didn’t care.
Keiichi/Fuuma - Grief
It’s been awhile, a touch and go here and there,
Keiichi has been a great help to Fuuma,
Helping him up from where he has fallen,
But he hadn’t grieved yet.
None of them did, or none of them had the time,
The grief for someone they care for,
Threaten to spill and let them drown in misery.
Keiichi didn’t grief, he already knew how to,
It’s just felt so wrong, if he were too to grief now.
He could allow Fuuma to grief, but never with him around,
He chuckles bitterly, there he goes wondering in his own mind.
He could grieve later; he already grieved enough for his own loss,
His parents deaths, and Kamui’s have already been grieved.
And he wonders if Kamui let Fuuma stay alive,
Just for Keiichi to pull Fuuma back together.
He looks at Fuuma who is staring at the white grave stone,
To Dearly Beloved, Shriou Kamui,
November 5, 1986 - December 31, 1999,
Died at seventeen, a beloved friend, our savior.
Keiichi smiles sadly, Kamui’s isn’t a savior, but an unlucky teen to have this fate.
Linking his fingers with the other, he acknowledges that presence,
He acknowledges the fact Keiichi will continue on with him,
To help back to when he was Fuuma that Kamui knew and loved.
Curling his fingers around the other, Fuuma gives him a slight smile,
He had grieved enough for now, there is always time to grief later.
Subaru/Kamui - Alone
Now he regrets, for pushing that boy away,
He regrets for being alone now,
But this loneliness felt emptier,
Bigger than the one Seishirou created.
Those memories, surrendering to darkness, his breath hitch,
His shaking hands reach for the cancer stick and his lungs refused to intake the gray cloud,
He tries not to remember the smiles from that teen,
He tries not to remember the spark in light violet eyes,
He tries not to remember the tears shed from those eyes.
If anything, he would give anything,
To have Kamui back alive,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the sadness again,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the guilt again,
Because he doesn’t want to feel the regret again,
And most of all, he doesn’t want to feel alone again.
Sometimes he dreams, they weren’t that bad as last time,
Some of those dreams are of when Kamui was alive,
Some of those are nightmares when Kamui's body hanged limply on puppet strings,
Some of them, he wished what would’ve happen if Kamui still lives,
Some of those dreams, are what could’ve happen if Subaru stayed around.
Some of them, made him feel like he is whole again,
And some, he wants to prevent Kamui’s death,
When he wakes up, the distinct feeling of loneliness and longing is there and aching,
Because Kamui protected him from dying when he betrayed Dark Kamui,
He dares himself to wish that Kamui is still alive to not feel this alone anymore.
Subaru/Kamui; Hinted other pairings as well - Simple Words
It took awhile, but now and again, they whisper.
Getting tired of silence, they want to fill in the silence,
With something that doesn’t required a lot talking,
But they do say simple words to each other from time and again.
Though the silence is still there, it’s amusing to see others talking about it.
Sorta complained about the silence,
Arashi shrugged at it, didn’t care about that fact as she is used to silence,
Yuzuriha wasn’t able to get it, while Kusanagi laughed softly,
Yuuto and Karen shared knowing looks before they smirked at them.
After the Promised Day, they’ve felt slightly better,
But they still remember the deaths of their loved ones,
“Let’s remember them.” Subaru whispered into Kamui’s ear,
Kamui drink in the older man’s presence, and whisper back those words.
“Thank you.” A thousand meanings to for what it is about.
They are just simple words, but enough to say so much more.
It ranged from thank you for being there, thank you for being alive,
Thank you for being around, but it didn’t reach to ‘I Love You’ yet,
Perhaps they already knew, perhaps they didn’t,
The others sighed in disappointment, well at least it’s getting better,
At least between them, they have something to fill the silence.
At least there is slight hope for these two,
Just slightly that comes from those simple words,
Subaru’s arms that are around Kamui, tightened,
“You’re welcome.” They didn’t move, but they feel lighter,
Because it’s from those simple words they whispered to each other only.
Seishirou/Subaru - Ghost
To see ghosts, means you have some sort of weird sixth sense to see them,
A spiritual manifestation, one would say,
Someone who was long dead visited, the other would say,
Or someone that haunts the living, that’s what exorcists and omnyojis are for.
Subaru’s ghosts are a bit different,
They never seem to let go of their hold of him,
Or rather, he doesn’t want to let them go,
Those ghosts manifested from his memories,
His tragic pasts, his twisted wish for the one he loves to not die.
But his own wish, was to die by that person’s hand,
In surprising relevance, that person wanted to die by his,
Some may call this twisted, and that he is grieving,
But he tells them, that he isn’t, and that he loves that man,
Which some of those people, scoffs and called him insane,
He didn’t care; he rather let those ghosts haunt him.
The person he loves, became a ghost to him,
After he struck his hand through, clean to the heart,
Kamui didn’t blame him for being this shocked and depressed,
But then, nobody would if they were in his place,
Especially hearing those words from the dying Seishirou himself.
The ghosts that the exorcists and omnyojis speak of, feed on negative emotions,
But Subaru’s feeds on his life, and he doesn’t mind it at all.
“Let me go.” The ghost of Seishirou said, Subaru shook his head,
“No.” Subaru knew that this ghost of Seishirou isn’t the actual one,
It’s better than nothing, he rather have the ghost of Seishirou here with him.
Alive!Seishirou/Kamui/Subaru; hints of Kamui/Fuuma - There
Finally free from Fate’s play felt so odd, quiet, and empty.
To the three of them, they feel detached from reality,
Seishirou and Subaru feel less detached from it,
But Kamui feels more of it.
Kamui stands over his first love graves,
He already said goodbye to Kotori’s at the campus,
But he feels empty when he is at Fuuma’s.
So many words he wanted to say,
So many apologizes he whispers into the wind and hope.
Hoping for the wind to carry those words to Fuuma,
Hoping to know that if Fuuma forgives him for killing him,
Driving his sword through his heart, hearing a whisper of ‘sorry’,
He broke, he cried, he wants to be with Fuuma so much that it hurts.
Subaru and Seishirou were the ones who found him; they look at each other,
And brought him back home, and offering comfort for the teen.
There wasn’t any pity, but comfort and understanding,
Because they are there, because they knew him,
Because they are alive,
Because Kamui is their support, their pillar, kind of like glue,
Kamui is their hope to move on, ignoring Fate as it taunted at them.
They make Kamui feel normal,
Kamui smiles and laughs, because of Seishirou,
Kamui sleeps peacefully in content, because of Subaru,
Seishirou and Subaru are here together,
It’s because of Kamui who held them together.
Kamui was in the middle, watching in amusement, annoyance and content,
Because it was hilarious for what Seishirou is doing to Subaru and him,
Because it was funny as Subaru scolded Seishirou like a mother hen,
So to return the favor, they let Kamui know they are there,
That they are willing to share his sadness and pain, because they care.
Nokoru/Kamui/Subaru - Comfort
Fate, as Kamui summarized, is cruel,
Not only to him, but to Subaru as well,
He could still remember those soft comforting words,
Those pair of mismatched eyes forever engraved him.
He clutched the light brown coat close to him,
And he sank into the arms provided by the blue-eyed blond,
Those arms tightened, a hand smooths his hair soothingly,
Kamui could smell of that rich cologne,
Closing his eyes, he allows the man to comfort him.
He inhale a stuttering breath, as he remember,
It came into shock for him, as he remember crying for the older man,
Subaru, even though switched sides, protected Kamui from Death.
“Why?” Kamui asked as he cradled Subaru in his arms,
“Because…” Kamui leaned in closer to hear those raspy words,
His eyes widen, Death’s hand grasp Subaru and lead him away.
Kamui remember burying his face into the man’s rapidly cold body,
And cried, those memories played like a broken record,
He remember those faint smiles, the small spark that he was able to bring out,
He moved away and kissed those cold lips, trying to willed them to move,
But they didn’t, and he cried more because the pain of the loss hurts.
Nokoru, wasn’t sure whether he hated that man or feel annoyed at him,
What he feels toward Subaru, wasn’t jealously, but more of a slight dislike,
For leaving Kamu in this state, he left his fan alone and held the teen close.
“Thank you.” Nokoru nodded his head, a slight smile settle on his lips,
“I’m always here, if you need me.” And that cycle repeats in the few weeks to come.
Seishirou/Kamui - Blind
Kamui isn’t blind, he could tell when that person is watching him,
It aggravates him that he is watching in amusement,
It annoys him that when he turns around, he finds no one there,
In odd sense, it gave him slight comfort knowing he is there.
Kamui isn’t blind at that fact half of the people he knows are dead,
And the other half of them wished to be far from here,
Not wanting to remember, he understands this, he isn’t blind to see that weight hasn't lifted,
And he knows the fact that he is drifting off into his own world,
Pretending that other half of the people that are still alive.
Kamui isn’t blind for not noticing the pink petals in one corner,
He isn’t blind at the fact he could feel the familiar gold eye staring at him,
And he isn’t blind at the fact that he, himself, is broken a long time ago.
Kamui isn’t blind for wanting to see that man physically,
For comfort in emotionally or spiritually, he’ll be damned to know if its one of them,
Any sort of comfort is fine, he isn’t blind about it.
Kamui wants to feel the Sakurazukamori’s touch,
To feel his rough touch on his skin, to feel those pink petals cut through him,
To feel his pain shot through him, making him feel wanted,
To feel his tongue licked his blood off his skin, making him feel light headed
Kamui isn’t blind at the fact he swallowed two pills of masochism from Subaru.
He isn’t blind at wanting the feeling of the pain on the back of his hands,
At wanting those star shape signs mark him,
He isn’t blind at the fact that he is becoming his toy,
A broken toy that can still play, a broken toy that can be break,
Maybe he is blind when he said he is happy to Seishirou, for belonging to him.
Subaru/Kamui/Fuuma; Seishirou/Subaru if you squint - Rain
Kamui let the raindrops hit him,
He didn’t care at the fact that he is going to get wet,
Nor did he care about the fact that he might get a cold,
Not when his own world is slowly breaking apart.
It’s getting harder to breath, he didn’t mean it literally,
But the pain is there, the pain of abandonment,
Betrayal, and loss is there, and he let the rain take away his memories,
He missed those that were with him before realizing his role,
He missed those that were with him after realizing his role.
He missed his mom, aunt, Kotori, the list goes on,
He missed Fuuma, being there for him, being there when he needed,
But he also missed Subaru, understanding the similar pain and tragedy,
Giving him that hope that Fuuma can be brought back.
Kamui already realized that Fuuma loves him, and if things were different,
He would’ve asked Fuuma to give him time so he could return them.
Then there’s Subaru, Kamui held a soft spot for the older man,
He respected him, and enjoyed spending time with him,
He wanted to help Subaru up from the aftermath of Rainbow Bridge,
But he was gone the next day; Kamui could feel the lump in his throat,
Unsure of what to do, his world started raining.
Kamui gritted his teeth, he should never trusted that man,
Never gotten so close, but his world is raining as well;
He could feel the connection with him; his and Subaru’s rain lighten up a bit,
But Kamui’s fell harder when the man went, and now he hated the rain.
The rain, some say, is cleansing, but it seems to ignore him, and didn’t take away his memories like he asked it to.
Yuuto/Kamui - Admire
Admiring the things in life, is what Yuuto always do,
He is an observer, a player, and thinks with logic,
He rather watched from the sidelines and wait,
Wait for the time when he is able to interfere.
It is days from the that fabled dooms day,
And yet, it almost felt like it was an ordinary day to him.
Almost, but he wonders if he should be glad,
Glad at the fact he had time to observe Kamui,
Not Dark Kamui, but the opposite leader in the form of a teenager.
Yuuto sometimes wonder if he should be glad for other reasons as well,
Glad at the fact that Kamui didn’t die on that day,
Glad at the fact that Subaru and Kamui are just friends,
Glad at the fact that the whole ordeal is over,
Or glad at the fact he still has time to admire the beautiful creature under him,
Withering, moaning, and gasping from his touches and kisses he offers.
It never ceases to amuse him on remembering their first meeting,
He always does remember the teen at that time being a bit naive,
Since he was being rather optimistic, but he is also perceptive,
Perceptive to the point that Kamui is willing to share his point of views with him,
No fights, just words and arguments, completely harmless but interesting.
He admires the strength of will Kamui currently has,
He admires the beauty that Kamui retains, inside and out,
He admires Kamui’s heart, broken and fragile like a glass cup,
He admires those eyes and smiles that’s given to him only, only him,
And he once again swoops down to kiss the teen breathlessly.
Aoki/Kusangi - Happy?
They meet again with hesitated smiles,
They are unsure, unsure what to say.
They are hesitant, that they are sure,
They would never meet, that they are unsure of.
The bond is there, but its thin and fragile,
On opposing sides, they tried not to hurt each other that much,
But then again, both members of each sides would wonder why,
So they faked it, they understood what each other must do,
They accepted the fact that they couldn’t turn away from Fate.
For every blow, there is “I’m sorry” in that meaning.
For each counter, there is “It’s alright, it’s not your fault.”
Sometimes those injuries are extensive, and one is left with guilt,
Sometimes it isn’t, and both lives for another day just to see each other.
For each time they meet during battle, they meet with bitter acceptance,
For each time they hit, one is left with guilt.
Now it’s over, now it’s hard to say those words.
They ran into each other in the next few years,
By coincidence most would think, but Fate dictates the future of her pawns,
And there was this question, the gentle giant ask,
“Are you happy?” The wind master closes his eyes and thinks.
Was he really happy? Not really with the losses in the war,
Sometimes he remembers his own losses, he pushed those away,
And kept on moving; but was he really happy now? Taking a deep breath,
He reaches and soothes the hand of the gentle giant, “I’m not sure, you?”,
“I’m getting there.” The soothing breeze ruffles Kusanagi’s hair lightly, “Then I am too.”
♠→♥→♣→♦→Owari←♦←♣←♥←♠
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