at least i know where i stand with, you
i have 3 days left at tlu. and many say you will be back. they are right, and i know i will be back in the fall, but i won't be here for almost 8 months, and that is a long time. while i am gone everyone's life here will still go on, and i will have a whole new experience in another country. and while i am gone i will change, and i would be sad if i don't change. i want to find new things about myself, i want to see where my heart really is, what my weakness are. am i really as independent as i like to believe i am? am i really that distance from my parents, or do i really need them more? i want to know all those things. and i try to leave here making mends with people, and the only thing i got back was why did i even try? why did i even take the extra time to try and make things right for the 100th time? because i don't want to leave here knowing that someone is mad at me or i'm mad at them. because in the end it isn't worth it no matter what anyone else says. or at least i don't think so. because anything can happen today, tomorrow, 5 months from now, and i would want every person i'm friends with or once was to know that i still care for them. and sometimes when you care too much you are going to get hurt, but i guess that is life. but really what do you get out staying mad at someone? hate in your heart. that is what you are going to get. stay mad. for what reason you no longer have. don't tell me you have forgiven me, when you still talk about me, when i still here the whispers when i walk by, i'm not navie. maybe it makes you sleep better at night. but i will tell you staying mad, won't ever make it go away, because you spend so much of your time talking about others, worrying about what you are going to say next. and for those people i truly feel sorry for.