Ranty dooble doo
First off- you dont have to read this... I just need to get it off my chest before I throw it in someones face ['someone' being my fiance and I -know- she doesn't need more shit from me].
I'm having the biggest emotional 'down' of my life and the scariest part isn't that I could end up hurting someone or [more likely] myself but it's that I literally have no one to talk to. Cept you guys and I barely know any of you [which is why I'll likely delete this tomorrow when I'm sober].
Fact is- I have this lil voice in my head [it's not MPD because it doesnt have a name and it's not schizophrenia because it doesn't tell me to do things...] but this lil bastard LOVES to pick on me. It picks on me in that way that your only your close friends or family could- y'know those people who know all your faults and your darkest secrets et cetera.
It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't find myself drinking heavily to try to shut the lil fucker up! and I wouldn't mind the drinking [i'm in uni... i -like- being drunk] but it's causing a LOT of stress in between myself and my girl friend/fiance. As if 3000 miles isn't enough of a strain on our relationship.
I haven't been going to my morning class but that's for another reason entirely- the Prof makes it boring and I'm honestly learning it better just looking over the online notes by myself so I'm ok there i guess...
This morning I was kicked out of a role-play group because my character was too 'openly gay'... WTF?!
Ok know I'm just trying to find things to whine about...
Yeah this'll prolly be gone when I wake up sober tomorrow...
night world!
I'm having the biggest emotional 'down' of my life and the scariest part isn't that I could end up hurting someone or [more likely] myself but it's that I literally have no one to talk to. Cept you guys and I barely know any of you [which is why I'll likely delete this tomorrow when I'm sober].
Fact is- I have this lil voice in my head [it's not MPD because it doesnt have a name and it's not schizophrenia because it doesn't tell me to do things...] but this lil bastard LOVES to pick on me. It picks on me in that way that your only your close friends or family could- y'know those people who know all your faults and your darkest secrets et cetera.
It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't find myself drinking heavily to try to shut the lil fucker up! and I wouldn't mind the drinking [i'm in uni... i -like- being drunk] but it's causing a LOT of stress in between myself and my girl friend/fiance. As if 3000 miles isn't enough of a strain on our relationship.
I haven't been going to my morning class but that's for another reason entirely- the Prof makes it boring and I'm honestly learning it better just looking over the online notes by myself so I'm ok there i guess...
This morning I was kicked out of a role-play group because my character was too 'openly gay'... WTF?!
Ok know I'm just trying to find things to whine about...
Yeah this'll prolly be gone when I wake up sober tomorrow...
night world!