i feel like shit

[theystank]

everytime i go to my moms house i realize what a worthless son/brother i am. colin is so torn between everything. i should be his brother and be there for him. my mom is really depressed, and it all falls on him. her depression and her issues drove me away, and i know thats not what she wanted, but its so hard. fuck. i bet, if i took my fucking pills it wouldnt all come crashing down on me. i just feel like such a selfish person. i guess i am. like my dad, who just jerks everyone around. so many times my mom compared me to him and i hated her for it. he hurt me too, im nothing like him. i am, and i can see it now. sigh, my thoughts are too jumbled in my head for me to type any more. and it looks like people are comming back, its weird to never be alone anymore. i dont like it. i still feel alone. even more so.

p.s. madeleine im really sorry if i hurt you. it was never my intention. you should really probly run as far and fast away from me as possible.

p.p.s. please if your a random person reading my journal. dont reply about how emo i am or any bullshit like that. its a fucking waste of my life.