What I Really Am: Chapter 10
A/N:: Okay I'm writing this while skyping the crush of my life ;-; if it is cruddy just lemme know, I'll rewrite it! (ps, if you wanna see what he looks like just ask) Also, the incantation and book mentioned are purely and made them up, so... I'm 99% that if these did work/ were real, this one wouldn't/isn't.
As always, enjoy, give feedback, etc. Thanks to all you loyal readers! Ryan and Brendon love you~
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RYAN'S POV
"And I think I know how we can be normal, Bren."
He looks up at me through his eyelashes and sniffles. I tilt his chin upwards and meet him in a slow, sweet kiss. His tongue flicks across my bottom lip and as I shift, I open my mouth to him. Brendon's taste is one of coffee and herbal cigarettes, with something indescribable, something uniquely him.
He pulls away after a few seconds and rubs at his drying eyes. "Wha-I.. Really, babe?" I bite my lip.
"Well, I have an idea..." He smiles a small smile. My heart flutters. I know he's excited. "But there's only a small possibility it could work." I push the sheet off me and get up, grabbing for my boxers. I can feel his eyes on me, scanning my bony, lanky body.
"Well then... what is it, Ry?" I turn back to face him, situating the elastic of my boxers back on my hips. He follows suit, and I can see a slight wince in his step as I pull back on my v-neck from on the floor. Damn, I was really oblivious. As he turns around to pick up his boxers, I once again see the bruises. They are covering every inch of his once pale, unscarred back. The milky white skin is replaced with ugly purple, black, and yellow splotches of various sizes. A lump quickly builds in my throat, and I can barely swallow. My heart thumps faster and faster, louder and louder. My breaths get smaller and more shallow with each passing second. All those feelings, those nagging voices yelling at me, they're all coming back. I don't lie them. They are screaming at me, verious curses and insults directed at me. I know they can't be real, they can't be true. Yet, I always seem to believe them. They've been visiting me more than they used to.
'You're not good enough! You don't deserve to be loved!'
'This will never work, loverboy!'
'He's going to realize just how worthless you really are!'
'Go fuck him the ass again, you mutt! You KNOW you want to!'
'No, even better, let him go fuck someone else! See how worthless you are after that!'
'Your just his dirty little secret. That's all you'll ever be!'
I break my stare and bring my hands up to my head
"Stop," I mutter. "Stop," this time a little louder. The voices are getting louder, and it feels as if they're encircling me. "Stop, leave me alone!" They circle closer, closing in on me. I fall to my knees and cover my ears. Their voices are increasingly louder with each insult, until they are shouting loud enough to leave my ears ringing. The insults are all swirling together, like a stormcloud. It's becoming more and more impossible to breathe and I can't take much more before I break. "Leave us alone! He would never do something like that! Stop, please!" I am begging at this point, covering my ears Something grabs my shoulder and yanks me back out of my mind.
His worried, deep brown eyes meet mine and I crumple into his embrace. "Ryan, are you okay? I turned around and you- you just, you started screaming. You were telling someone to get away... no one was there."
"Babe, I'm... It was nothing. Just had a daydream, and I guess it wasn't good. I can't remember what happened in it..." I am a terrible liar, he already knows that. But he obviously knows I'm shaken up so he just lets it go. He gets up and then I take his hand and pull myself up. I walk out the room and he kind of stands there in a daze before following suit. I go to the coffee table in the living room and rifle through the stacks of books Guts by Chuck Palahniuk A Collection of Poems, Robert Frost, more Chuck Paliahniuk. A Separate Peace Finally, while digging through the third stack, I find it. I pull out a cracking, leatherbound book and dust it off a little. Brendon looks over my shoulder and I spin around, now pressed up to his chest.
"Curses On The Wandering Spirit Why is the title about ghosts?"
"Don't worry about it, Bren. I'll explain later." I add in an inaudible [to him at least] mumble, "Never said I couldn't be a ghost."
"O...kay?" He looks a little confused. I thumb through the pages until I reach the one that had caused multiple sleepless nights and countless hours of thinking. I begin skimming the page, trying to keep Brendon from seeing.
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SPIRITS TRAPPED IN ANIMAL FORM
This condition has been found very uncommon. Traditionally, the one who has this curse is deceased, and someone has tried to bring them back to life unsuccessfully. The most commonly associated types of death with being stuck in animal form are:
-murder/assisted suicide
-suicide
In the circumstance of being murdered, it is generally impossible to release the spirit without losing them entirely. In the case of suicide or assisted suicides, the few that attempted this following incantation and have had their spirit released from the animal have been brought back to life successfully:
First, you must find the person(s) that attempted to bring the cursed back to life, as well as why they attempted to bring them back to life. In order for this ritual to work, the person(s) must be present. Once you have done so, you can continue on to performing the ritual istelf.
You must wait until a few minutes before midnight on the night of a full moon. Set fourteen candles, alternating between black and white, in a circle large enough for two people to stand in. Light all the black candles, then all the white. You MUST light all of the black candles first. In white or black chalk, draw a pentagram and have the cursed stand in the center. Have the person(s) who attempted to ressurect the cursed hold a sprig of of lavender, a sprig of sage, and a sprig of deadly nightshade in their left hand, with the right hand over their heart. At the stroke of midnight, the cursed must drip some of their blood into the center of the pentagram and recite the following incantation:
'What is done had been done
yet let it be undone.
My soul, bound to this unhuman body
calls upon you in this dark hour,
whilst the midnight moon wane
to cleanse my soul's bloodshed stain.
My soul out of place,
return it to its grace
And let my soul roam free in true form.'
Then, only then, is the cursed's soul separated from the animal and returned to human form. Seeing as the person was deceased, they will be in a period of extreme weakness for 24 hours and should be put to bedrest.
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Brendon has read the entire page without my realizing. He turns to me, slack-jawed
"Ryan." He has only ever called me Ryan when he was angry. Oh, great.
"Yes, Bren?" I try to look innocent, as if I don't know what he is talking about.
"Let me see your wrists. Now," he says, and it isn't much of a choice because when I don't relinquish the book, he plucks it out of my grasp and holds my wrists. He moves my beaded and leather bracelets out of the way on them to reveal to ugly scars. They are two perfect straight lines, runnning vertical over the main vein in my wrist. The traditional slit wrists. I flinch away from him at the sight of them. I know what's coming next
"Babe..." he studies the scars intently. "Don't be mad, I wanted to tell you, but..." But why? Why didn't I?
"Ryan, you-you... killed yourself?" He looks at me, sad and confused, he looks hurt. But most of all...
Concerned.
Not angry.
He is taking this better than I thought.
I look up at him through my eyelashes and work up the courage to answer him. I mutter the simplest answer I can give him--
"Yes."
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A/N: Oh snap, did you guys see that coming? Nope. (Unless you have telepathy, then that's cool.) Man, that was a suprise, even to me. It was kind of better than his dad killing him and his mom bringing him back to life, or so I thought. I tried writing it that way, but this just fit my vision better
PS. Did you gus hear that Fall Out Boy is playing on Jimmy Kimmel Feb. 13th and coming off their hiatus supposedly? I am beyond excited and will die if this isn't true. (But people have proof and stuff that actually makes sense, so I am 100% sure it is real.)