Intensely overdue meme answer for daughterof_evil.
Author's Note: It's all modeled off of this.
The following is a transcript of events that didn't actually happen.
[cameras are rolling, black and white]
Sara: And here we go again.
Miles: You'd think you didn't want to be here.
Sara: I love spending time with you, Miles.
Miles: Bullshit.
Sara: Easy there, Sunshine. Let's not be a downer before we've even gotten going. They're filming us right now.
Miles: ... They are? [stares at camera]
Sara: It's a preshow.
Director: [off camera] And you're not supposed to act like it's there.
Sara: Oops.
Miles: [laughing]
[switch to color, title card sequence rolls, Moviefone, Unscripted, Miles Lawson * Teh Sara]
Miles: Hey, and welcome to Moviefone's Unscripted. I'm Miles Lawson.
Sara: And I'm Teh Sara.
Miles: Did I do that right?
Sara: Yep. ... Why didn't you know that? Didn't you watch the links I sent you?
Miles: Fuck no.
Sara: I hate you a little.
Miles: That must be why you're always giving me shit. [big grin, turns to camera] So listen, we're supposed to talk about this post Sara did for theatrical_muse. There's questions. Or what the fuck ever.
Sara: Right, there's questions. And let's hope they're mostly for me so Miles doesn't have to talk.
Miles: Like that's going to fucking stop me.
Sara: I've often thought about writing you mute.
Miles: ...
Sara: [big smile] First question?
Miles: What the fuck ever.
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Miles: This is from Sasha in Los Angeles. Go figure. Sasha wants to know 'Sara, what the hell was going through your head when you wrote this one?'.
Sara: Always good to hear from you, Sasha. This was another notion that was knocked around between me and the mun, and she ord-- asked me to do it as a prompt response. We thought it was pretty perfect.
Miles: And she likes making my life miserable.
Sara: And I like making Miles's life miserable.
Miles: I think that covers that fucking question.
Sara: [cheerful] Doesn't it just?
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Sara: Okay, Miles, this one's for you. Vance Roxbury of Las Vegas wants to know, 'When are you and Sasha...' [smirks] 'When are you and Sasha getting back together?'
Miles: ... We're not.
Sara: Or are you?
Miles: No, we're fucking not.
Sara: Okay, okay. Don't get so hostile, man. Jesus.
Miles: [glares] Next question.
Sara: Oh hey, this'll be the first time I ever got past the second question. Are we sure Serena Moonfeather hasn't sent in?
Miles: Who?
Sara: You don't want to know.
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Sara: Another one for Miles. [blinks, stares, starts laughing] Vance Roxbury wants to know, [Puppy Dog Eyes] 'Are you sure?'
Miles: Yes, I'm sure! Christ, who is this guy?
Sara: I think I'd remember a Vance Roxbury. I mean, it kind of sounds like... [freezes]
Miles: [thinks, eyes widen] No fucking way.
Sara: Same initials.
Miles: Angie would kill him.
Sara: One different letter in the first lame.
Miles: He's not that stupid. And he's in Las Vegas.
Sara: You mean his girlfriend's hometown?
Miles: [stares] It's not.
Sara: ... You're right, it's probably not. So, that'll be it then?
Director: [off camera] Sure, let's say so.
Sara: Okay, that's it! Thank you, Miles, you're just as incomparable as ever.
Miles: You wanted to say insufferable.
Sara: But, I didn't! [turns to camera, grins] And thank you, viewers, for sending in your questions. Also, thanks to Moviefone, and the cast and crew of Unscripted. And please, read Miles's journal. He's not as bad as he looks. Deep down, he's just a little boy in need of a big hug.
Miles: I hate you so much.
[switch to black and white, crew applauds]
Sara: So, that wasn't so bad.
Miles: [shrugs, getting mic removed]
Sara: [getting mic removed, silent]
Miles: [stands] So.
Sara: [stands] Uh huh?
Miles: ... What if it is him?
Sara: ...
Miles: ...
Sara: Nah.
Miles: Yeah, fuck it, you're right.
Sara: I'll have to get a clip of that part...
Miles: [laughs]
[both walk off]
[end transcript!]
The following is a transcript of events that didn't actually happen.
[cameras are rolling, black and white]
Sara: And here we go again.
Miles: You'd think you didn't want to be here.
Sara: I love spending time with you, Miles.
Miles: Bullshit.
Sara: Easy there, Sunshine. Let's not be a downer before we've even gotten going. They're filming us right now.
Miles: ... They are? [stares at camera]
Sara: It's a preshow.
Director: [off camera] And you're not supposed to act like it's there.
Sara: Oops.
Miles: [laughing]
[switch to color, title card sequence rolls, Moviefone, Unscripted, Miles Lawson * Teh Sara]
Miles: Hey, and welcome to Moviefone's Unscripted. I'm Miles Lawson.
Sara: And I'm Teh Sara.
Miles: Did I do that right?
Sara: Yep. ... Why didn't you know that? Didn't you watch the links I sent you?
Miles: Fuck no.
Sara: I hate you a little.
Miles: That must be why you're always giving me shit. [big grin, turns to camera] So listen, we're supposed to talk about this post Sara did for theatrical_muse. There's questions. Or what the fuck ever.
Sara: Right, there's questions. And let's hope they're mostly for me so Miles doesn't have to talk.
Miles: Like that's going to fucking stop me.
Sara: I've often thought about writing you mute.
Miles: ...
Sara: [big smile] First question?
Miles: What the fuck ever.
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Miles: This is from Sasha in Los Angeles. Go figure. Sasha wants to know 'Sara, what the hell was going through your head when you wrote this one?'.
Sara: Always good to hear from you, Sasha. This was another notion that was knocked around between me and the mun, and she ord-- asked me to do it as a prompt response. We thought it was pretty perfect.
Miles: And she likes making my life miserable.
Sara: And I like making Miles's life miserable.
Miles: I think that covers that fucking question.
Sara: [cheerful] Doesn't it just?
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Sara: Okay, Miles, this one's for you. Vance Roxbury of Las Vegas wants to know, 'When are you and Sasha...' [smirks] 'When are you and Sasha getting back together?'
Miles: ... We're not.
Sara: Or are you?
Miles: No, we're fucking not.
Sara: Okay, okay. Don't get so hostile, man. Jesus.
Miles: [glares] Next question.
Sara: Oh hey, this'll be the first time I ever got past the second question. Are we sure Serena Moonfeather hasn't sent in?
Miles: Who?
Sara: You don't want to know.
[flash of stars, question pops up on screen]
Sara: Another one for Miles. [blinks, stares, starts laughing] Vance Roxbury wants to know, [Puppy Dog Eyes] 'Are you sure?'
Miles: Yes, I'm sure! Christ, who is this guy?
Sara: I think I'd remember a Vance Roxbury. I mean, it kind of sounds like... [freezes]
Miles: [thinks, eyes widen] No fucking way.
Sara: Same initials.
Miles: Angie would kill him.
Sara: One different letter in the first lame.
Miles: He's not that stupid. And he's in Las Vegas.
Sara: You mean his girlfriend's hometown?
Miles: [stares] It's not.
Sara: ... You're right, it's probably not. So, that'll be it then?
Director: [off camera] Sure, let's say so.
Sara: Okay, that's it! Thank you, Miles, you're just as incomparable as ever.
Miles: You wanted to say insufferable.
Sara: But, I didn't! [turns to camera, grins] And thank you, viewers, for sending in your questions. Also, thanks to Moviefone, and the cast and crew of Unscripted. And please, read Miles's journal. He's not as bad as he looks. Deep down, he's just a little boy in need of a big hug.
Miles: I hate you so much.
[switch to black and white, crew applauds]
Sara: So, that wasn't so bad.
Miles: [shrugs, getting mic removed]
Sara: [getting mic removed, silent]
Miles: [stands] So.
Sara: [stands] Uh huh?
Miles: ... What if it is him?
Sara: ...
Miles: ...
Sara: Nah.
Miles: Yeah, fuck it, you're right.
Sara: I'll have to get a clip of that part...
Miles: [laughs]
[both walk off]
[end transcript!]