Your Own Disaster
So, a couple of months ago (in the middle of the douchebag room mates and the eviction and subsequent moving), some of you may remember me signing up to do the un_love_you challenge. And, if you don't remember, don't worry, because I had forgotten too, until today.
Title: Your Own Disaster
Fandom: Bandom-TBS/SR
Pairing: Adam Lazzara/John Nolan
Prompt: #11-Thought I needed this
Word Count: ~1400
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, nor am I making any money from this.
Summary: John’s at the airport when they get back. Adam knew it wouldn’t be too long before he saw John again; he had just been hoping for a proper shower and some sleep in a real bed first.
Table: here
Thanks: to lone_wo1f for the speedy beta. Hey look, an actual finished story!
John’s at the airport when they get back. Adam knew it wouldn’t be too long before he saw John again; he had just been hoping for a proper shower and some sleep in a real bed first.
John sees Adam see him, but lets Adam grab his bag and head outside for a cigarette (because flying from California to New York is never fun, and the lack of nicotine makes it worse) before speaking.
“So, how did it go?” he asks, shuffling his feet.
Adam glares at him. “You mean, how did we hold up after you left and took Shaun with you?”
John at least has the decency to blush.
Adam rolls his eyes. “Fine. Matt and Fred are cool. It’s still weird not having you around though.”
John nods. “Yeah, it’s been weird hearing about you guys and not being a part of it. I saw a couple interviews. It seems like they’re fitting in well with you guys.” Adam raises an eyebrow, knowing that he can’t quite bring himself to say their names, Fred and Matt, his and Shaun’s replacements.
The rest of the band exits the airport then, standing a fair distance from Adam and John. They look hopefully for the van, the old one that they used to tour in, that some friend of Eddie’s is driving to come pick them up. It’s not there yet, but their flight did come in a couple minutes early.
“So, what’s new?” Adam asks, trying to be polite but not really knowing what to say. For all the manners that his mother instilled in him, she never got around to teaching him the proper way to talk to his ex-bandmate/ex-girlfriend’s brother/clandestine-drunken-hookup. She probably never though the situation would come up.
John just looks at him, and Adam guesses that that wasn’t what he was supposed to ask. He raises one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, and John looks away.
“Nothing really,” he responds after a moment. “Writing some. Hanging out with family.” He looks at Adam and silently dares him to ask how they are. While the lesson wasn’t taught, he uses his common sense to figure out that it isn’t polite to do so.
Instead he nods. “Are you gonna start another band?”
John shrugs. “Probably. I can’t think of anything better to do.”
Adam nods again. Silence engulfs them. Adam sneaks looks at him out of the corner of his eye, thinking about nights on tour. Nights that neither of them would ever talk about once the sun had risen. Nights that had eventually led to Michelle breaking up with Adam. He’s unsure as to how she found out he was cheating on her, but he’s almost positive that she doesn’t know that it was with her brother. The van finally pulls up, saving him from his thoughts.
He throws his bags into the back of the van and gives a little half-hearted wave as he climbs in. John doesn’t wave back.
------------
The next time Adam sees him (after his shower and a night’s sleep in his own bed, thank god), he’s standing in Adam’s doorway with a six pack of Rolling Rock and a sheepish smile. Adam doesn’t say anything, just walks back into the living room and leaves the door open for John to follow.
He sits on the couch next to Adam and puts his feet up on the coffee table (it seems weird to him that John’s so comfortable still, even though he must’ve moved all his stuff out of the apartment at least two months ago). “Do you have a new room mate yet?” he asks.
“Yeah, Fred,” Adam replies, seeing him wince. Now he knows that Fred has not only taken his place in the band, but also in his apartment.
He catches himself and rearranges his features to be unreadable again. “So, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here.”
“The thought had crossed my mind,” Adam replies, reaching for a beer. John doesn’t live here anymore, if he’s bringing beer over, he’s going to have to share. “I thought you were all about Nolan solidarity.” Adam does some weird fist pump to punctuate the words.
“I just kinda thought that things didn’t go so well the last time we talked.”
Adam looks at him incredulously. “I thought it went pretty well, considering.”
“Considering what?”
“Uh, considering the fact that you left the band because your sister found out that I was cheating on her with you, although my bet is she isn’t aware of that last little piece of information?” Adam says, the tone of his words turning the last bit into a question.
John nods thoughtfully. “I guess when you take all of that into consideration, it did go pretty well, didn’t it?” he replies, avoiding your question.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Adam says after a moment. “Michelle really only talked to the two of us while we were on tour, right?” John nods. “And I know I didn’t tell her. And I don’t think the rest of the guys knew what we were doing, right?” John nods again, looking uncomfortable. “So, I think that you must’ve been the one to tell her what was going on, leaving yourself out of the equation, so that you look like the noble big brother, rescuing her from the scummy boyfriend.” Adam leans back, waiting for him to answer.
John takes a minute, looking like he’s tamping down nausea as well as collecting his words. “Yeah,” he finally replies. Okay, so maybe more the former than the latter.
“Why?” Adam asks when it becomes apparent that he’s not going to elaborate on his own.
John shrugs. Adam wishes he would stop doing that and thinks that his arms are going to fall off if he keeps it up. He opens his mouth to tell him so when John starts to talk. “I guess I was just feeling guilty, you know? I mean, she is my sister, and I couldn’t keep doing that to her. Yeah, you guys weren’t necessarily the happiest couple in the world, but you were still a couple, and I couldn’t come between that anymore.”
“So you told her, thinking that she would break up with me and then we could be together without the guilt?” Adam asks with an eyebrow raised. “Because that’s really kinda fucked-up logic.”
“Yeah, I know that now. Once I figured out how stupid it was, I had already told her, and I figured things were so fucked that I should just leave the band and avoid all the awkwardness.”
“What about Shaun?”
John lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “I was joking around and asked if he wanted to commit career suicide with me and he agreed. I thought about telling him to stay with you guys, but it’s nice to have someone starting over with me.”
Adam sits for a moment, thinking everything over. “So, then, why are you here?” he asks. Really, it seems to be the only thing unanswered.
John leans over and kisses him. He pulls away long enough to set his beer on the coffee table, then kisses John back. He pushes Adam back until John is stretched out over the top of him, and all Adam can think is, I’ve missed this.
After, he rolls off of Adam and starts getting dressed. He looks at John, confused. “You’re leaving already?” he asks.
He just nods, sitting down to tie the laces of his shoes.
“But, why?”
John stands and shrugs (fucking shrugs. Again). “It’s not the same. Maybe it’s because we’re not on the bus, maybe because you’re single and I don’t feel guilty. I thought it would be better, being with you without complications, but it’s not. I thought I needed this, that I needed you, but I was wrong.” He shrugs one more time and gives Adam an apologetic look, then goes out the front door.
Adam gets up and puts his clothes back on and picks up his beer again. He tries to watch whatever’s on the TV, but he just can’t seem to concentrate. When Fred gets home, he sits next to Adam, and he hands him a beer, since John was at least considerate enough to leave them behind. Adam leans over and rests his head on Fred’s shoulders, thinking about what he needs.
Title: Your Own Disaster
Fandom: Bandom-TBS/SR
Pairing: Adam Lazzara/John Nolan
Prompt: #11-Thought I needed this
Word Count: ~1400
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, nor am I making any money from this.
Summary: John’s at the airport when they get back. Adam knew it wouldn’t be too long before he saw John again; he had just been hoping for a proper shower and some sleep in a real bed first.
Table: here
Thanks: to lone_wo1f for the speedy beta. Hey look, an actual finished story!
John’s at the airport when they get back. Adam knew it wouldn’t be too long before he saw John again; he had just been hoping for a proper shower and some sleep in a real bed first.
John sees Adam see him, but lets Adam grab his bag and head outside for a cigarette (because flying from California to New York is never fun, and the lack of nicotine makes it worse) before speaking.
“So, how did it go?” he asks, shuffling his feet.
Adam glares at him. “You mean, how did we hold up after you left and took Shaun with you?”
John at least has the decency to blush.
Adam rolls his eyes. “Fine. Matt and Fred are cool. It’s still weird not having you around though.”
John nods. “Yeah, it’s been weird hearing about you guys and not being a part of it. I saw a couple interviews. It seems like they’re fitting in well with you guys.” Adam raises an eyebrow, knowing that he can’t quite bring himself to say their names, Fred and Matt, his and Shaun’s replacements.
The rest of the band exits the airport then, standing a fair distance from Adam and John. They look hopefully for the van, the old one that they used to tour in, that some friend of Eddie’s is driving to come pick them up. It’s not there yet, but their flight did come in a couple minutes early.
“So, what’s new?” Adam asks, trying to be polite but not really knowing what to say. For all the manners that his mother instilled in him, she never got around to teaching him the proper way to talk to his ex-bandmate/ex-girlfriend’s brother/clandestine-drunken-hookup. She probably never though the situation would come up.
John just looks at him, and Adam guesses that that wasn’t what he was supposed to ask. He raises one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, and John looks away.
“Nothing really,” he responds after a moment. “Writing some. Hanging out with family.” He looks at Adam and silently dares him to ask how they are. While the lesson wasn’t taught, he uses his common sense to figure out that it isn’t polite to do so.
Instead he nods. “Are you gonna start another band?”
John shrugs. “Probably. I can’t think of anything better to do.”
Adam nods again. Silence engulfs them. Adam sneaks looks at him out of the corner of his eye, thinking about nights on tour. Nights that neither of them would ever talk about once the sun had risen. Nights that had eventually led to Michelle breaking up with Adam. He’s unsure as to how she found out he was cheating on her, but he’s almost positive that she doesn’t know that it was with her brother. The van finally pulls up, saving him from his thoughts.
He throws his bags into the back of the van and gives a little half-hearted wave as he climbs in. John doesn’t wave back.
------------
The next time Adam sees him (after his shower and a night’s sleep in his own bed, thank god), he’s standing in Adam’s doorway with a six pack of Rolling Rock and a sheepish smile. Adam doesn’t say anything, just walks back into the living room and leaves the door open for John to follow.
He sits on the couch next to Adam and puts his feet up on the coffee table (it seems weird to him that John’s so comfortable still, even though he must’ve moved all his stuff out of the apartment at least two months ago). “Do you have a new room mate yet?” he asks.
“Yeah, Fred,” Adam replies, seeing him wince. Now he knows that Fred has not only taken his place in the band, but also in his apartment.
He catches himself and rearranges his features to be unreadable again. “So, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here.”
“The thought had crossed my mind,” Adam replies, reaching for a beer. John doesn’t live here anymore, if he’s bringing beer over, he’s going to have to share. “I thought you were all about Nolan solidarity.” Adam does some weird fist pump to punctuate the words.
“I just kinda thought that things didn’t go so well the last time we talked.”
Adam looks at him incredulously. “I thought it went pretty well, considering.”
“Considering what?”
“Uh, considering the fact that you left the band because your sister found out that I was cheating on her with you, although my bet is she isn’t aware of that last little piece of information?” Adam says, the tone of his words turning the last bit into a question.
John nods thoughtfully. “I guess when you take all of that into consideration, it did go pretty well, didn’t it?” he replies, avoiding your question.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Adam says after a moment. “Michelle really only talked to the two of us while we were on tour, right?” John nods. “And I know I didn’t tell her. And I don’t think the rest of the guys knew what we were doing, right?” John nods again, looking uncomfortable. “So, I think that you must’ve been the one to tell her what was going on, leaving yourself out of the equation, so that you look like the noble big brother, rescuing her from the scummy boyfriend.” Adam leans back, waiting for him to answer.
John takes a minute, looking like he’s tamping down nausea as well as collecting his words. “Yeah,” he finally replies. Okay, so maybe more the former than the latter.
“Why?” Adam asks when it becomes apparent that he’s not going to elaborate on his own.
John shrugs. Adam wishes he would stop doing that and thinks that his arms are going to fall off if he keeps it up. He opens his mouth to tell him so when John starts to talk. “I guess I was just feeling guilty, you know? I mean, she is my sister, and I couldn’t keep doing that to her. Yeah, you guys weren’t necessarily the happiest couple in the world, but you were still a couple, and I couldn’t come between that anymore.”
“So you told her, thinking that she would break up with me and then we could be together without the guilt?” Adam asks with an eyebrow raised. “Because that’s really kinda fucked-up logic.”
“Yeah, I know that now. Once I figured out how stupid it was, I had already told her, and I figured things were so fucked that I should just leave the band and avoid all the awkwardness.”
“What about Shaun?”
John lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “I was joking around and asked if he wanted to commit career suicide with me and he agreed. I thought about telling him to stay with you guys, but it’s nice to have someone starting over with me.”
Adam sits for a moment, thinking everything over. “So, then, why are you here?” he asks. Really, it seems to be the only thing unanswered.
John leans over and kisses him. He pulls away long enough to set his beer on the coffee table, then kisses John back. He pushes Adam back until John is stretched out over the top of him, and all Adam can think is, I’ve missed this.
After, he rolls off of Adam and starts getting dressed. He looks at John, confused. “You’re leaving already?” he asks.
He just nods, sitting down to tie the laces of his shoes.
“But, why?”
John stands and shrugs (fucking shrugs. Again). “It’s not the same. Maybe it’s because we’re not on the bus, maybe because you’re single and I don’t feel guilty. I thought it would be better, being with you without complications, but it’s not. I thought I needed this, that I needed you, but I was wrong.” He shrugs one more time and gives Adam an apologetic look, then goes out the front door.
Adam gets up and puts his clothes back on and picks up his beer again. He tries to watch whatever’s on the TV, but he just can’t seem to concentrate. When Fred gets home, he sits next to Adam, and he hands him a beer, since John was at least considerate enough to leave them behind. Adam leans over and rests his head on Fred’s shoulders, thinking about what he needs.