(no subject)
Dear 26 year old me,
Jesus christ, you're 26! You feel like broken glass; sharp, volatile, fractured and fragile. Your pieces are scattered and you only manage to capture refractions of reality at odd angles; nothing matches up and you are lost, living in a movie but there are scenes missing and they are all out of order. You missed your cue, again and again. You couldn't remember your lines when they should have been obvious. How do you make the plot move forward? You can't trust anyone. It will move forward without you and leave you frozen in the moment when you shattered.
When you say hurtful things to someone you love, you can't undo that. Anxious, confused, angry, exhausted. All things pass unless you pass it on to others, and you can't undo that. It was the one thing still under your control.
Ask yourself: do your actions reflect what you actually want? Are you self-sabatoging? Are you assuming an outcome? What assumptions are you making?
Ask yourself: will anything within you be lost if you genuinely try, and fail?
You're gonna hate yourself for a little while, until it really sinks in that it doesn't do anyone any good. You're going to spend a lot of time alone, and that's a good thing. It's an uphill climb but you'll start to feel grounded again.
Just because you're the protagonist in your own head doesn't mean you act without consequence; doesn't mean your intentions are wholly good by default. Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with everyone else too.
Jesus christ, you're 26! You feel like broken glass; sharp, volatile, fractured and fragile. Your pieces are scattered and you only manage to capture refractions of reality at odd angles; nothing matches up and you are lost, living in a movie but there are scenes missing and they are all out of order. You missed your cue, again and again. You couldn't remember your lines when they should have been obvious. How do you make the plot move forward? You can't trust anyone. It will move forward without you and leave you frozen in the moment when you shattered.
When you say hurtful things to someone you love, you can't undo that. Anxious, confused, angry, exhausted. All things pass unless you pass it on to others, and you can't undo that. It was the one thing still under your control.
Ask yourself: do your actions reflect what you actually want? Are you self-sabatoging? Are you assuming an outcome? What assumptions are you making?
Ask yourself: will anything within you be lost if you genuinely try, and fail?
You're gonna hate yourself for a little while, until it really sinks in that it doesn't do anyone any good. You're going to spend a lot of time alone, and that's a good thing. It's an uphill climb but you'll start to feel grounded again.
Just because you're the protagonist in your own head doesn't mean you act without consequence; doesn't mean your intentions are wholly good by default. Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with everyone else too.