(no subject)
When you cannot leave, there are no distractions. You have every distraction in the world- books, movies, streaming services, video games, the entire internet - but still, you're stationary, and that means your thoughts have time to catch up. Were you even aware you were fleeing them? Maybe so but it's still surprising how the air around you gets thick and the thoughts accumulate like dirt on sticky hands or dust on old cobwebs. They sneak up on you, bending the corners of the pages as you read a passage. They whisper in your ear while you drink coffee and let you hold hands sweetly in your dreams and pretty soon you find yourself yearning. Dear god. You find yourself doing computer tarot readings and crying at the description of a card and you tell yourself you don't know why you're crying but actually you do, you just can't imagine telling anyone else, let alone yourself. There are lots of things to cry about right now. You could be crying about lots of things.
You wonder if the psychic you met a few years ago on the street in chinatown who shared your named was right.
It's true what they say, people turn to religion when confronted with uncertainty. Everything is uncertain right now.
You've been to therapy for a couple of years but it wasn't enough. You still get passive aggressive sometimes. You're still anxious and avoidant. You still can't fix the past. You can't even fix the present. You desperately try and pinpoint the moment when everything went wrong, and of course, there isn't one. You keep looking for that ghost though, because maybe it will tell you what to do. Maybe there is a right answer somewhere in the heavy air that has made the space around you its home.
You wonder if the psychic you met a few years ago on the street in chinatown who shared your named was right.
It's true what they say, people turn to religion when confronted with uncertainty. Everything is uncertain right now.
You've been to therapy for a couple of years but it wasn't enough. You still get passive aggressive sometimes. You're still anxious and avoidant. You still can't fix the past. You can't even fix the present. You desperately try and pinpoint the moment when everything went wrong, and of course, there isn't one. You keep looking for that ghost though, because maybe it will tell you what to do. Maybe there is a right answer somewhere in the heavy air that has made the space around you its home.