Grrrr...
Well now...
Apparently, I am one of those people who should NEVER open my friggin mouth, about things. You would think I would have learned my lesson, long ago. But no, I remain naive. In fact, I guarantee you that, even after this, I still have not learned my friggin lesson.
How annoying.
So, last night, I asked for your input, on doing a Youtube channel. A lot of you said you would watch me, which was super cool. I was totally stoked. I went last night, to Youtube, and I built myself this super cool profile. I was all amped. I had a plan. I would go to my doctor's appointment, today. I would come home, and have breakfast. Then, I would go to Youtube, and record my very first video. YAY! I was beyond happy.
But, guess what...
My computer has decided to be a complete pain in the ass. We all know how fickle computers are, don't we? One minute, they are your best friend. They give you everything you want. All is good, on the whole computer front. But then, they turn on you. They take the time to show you who's boss. They show you they are not your friend. Nope...COMPUTERS HATE YOU! Every once in a while, you get to witness how bitchy a computer can actually be.
My camera, on my computer, has decided to stop working. There is absolutely nothing I can do, to get the damned camera up, and running. Needless to say, I am super bummed. I was really looking forward to creating a Youtube vlog. Now, that dream has been crushed, thanks to a bitchy computer camera.
CURSES, on electronics!
Anyway...
Pomp-A-Doodle yarn. We all know I love it, right. But, love is conditional...even for Pomp-A-Doodle. Here is the problem. I made my neighbor a black and white variegated beanie. On the bottom of it, I put black and white Pomp-A-Doodle. Apparently, I skipped a few stitches, which I could not see, through the pom-poms. The result..The Pomp-A-Doodle started falling away from the beanie. Don't you just love that! Oh yeah, baby!
On top of the anger, over the computer problems, and yarn fiasco, my honey just made me feel like shit. YAY, for that. Apparently, I am supposed to be Mr. Money Bags. Apparently, even though I paid for a fantastic vacation (and racked up my credit in doing so), it isn't enough. I am supposed to pay the cell phone bills, and buy a tin Christmas tree, for family. Well, guess what kiddies. I am friggin broke. No money, at all. And, apparently, this is reason to give me hell. This is reason to make me feel like shit. (As if you need an added reason to feel like shit, when you are broke.) Apparently, it is all my fault, that we can't buy the tree, or that the cell phone bills are late. Apparently, even though I am in recovery, I should go out, work 9-5, and bring home the bacon. Apparently, it is easier to blame money issues on me, rather then face the fact that the whole damned economy is suffering right now.
I am at the point of tears now. The mother in law wants the tree, and I have had a guilt trip put on me. I feel like hell. Like BROKE hell. I wish I could get her that tree. I wish I could buy everyone, friggin EVERYTHING they want. But, I can't. And, when I offered to crochet her a beanie (the best I can do), I got eye rolls.
God, I am hurt. Both of us are flat out broke, but apparently, when money is needed, it is totally MY fault, because we are poor. How is that right? I mean, really?
God...we just had a wonderful vacation, and now, I am back to feeling like shit.
Back to yarn...So I can (hopefully), stop the waterworks, before they pour from my eyes. (I can feel the tears coming. My vision is starting to get all blurry.)
Last night, I started a beanie for my teenage neice. I am using a nice pink yarn (donated to me from Ambar). It is looking really nice, so far. I am very proud of it.
Since she is a teenager, her beanie needs to be fun, and a bit sassy. So, I have decided to end this beanie with a round of double crochet, done in black yarn. I will be putting a black pom-pom on top of it. And, some sort of applique will find its way to the side of the beanie. Only, what should the applique be? Hmmm...
At first, I was thinking a skull. Then, I thought about a bat, or a black heart. But, then there is always the cupcake. Or a cluster of black stars. Hmmm...I suppose I will know what to do, when I get there, but for now, I am stuck. I haven't the foggiest. Anyway, 5 more beanies to go. I have to finish my neice's. Then, there is one to be made, for my nephew, my sister, my Aunt, and mother in law. (God, I wish I could get her that DAMNED tree.)
Anyhoo...
I am going to go eat. (Eating is ALWAYS good, when you are depressed, to high hell.) After eating, I will isolate myself, in my room. I will hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the door (which usually works pretty well.) I will crochet, on my neice's beanie, and probably have myself a good cry.
I suppose this kind of is my fault. I mean, last Christmas, we decided (as a family) on no gifts. It was nice...but a bit off, to me. This year, it was MY idea to buy gifts. I was all gung ho, at first. I should have known that I would go broke, before the shopping was through. I should have known that beanies would not cut it, for everyone...
I should have...really.
Anyway, blog...It is time to go. I am not too happy right now, and, though I want to keep writing, it is not helping me feel any better.
So...
Happy crocheting.