Let The Yarn Help Me Cope
Last night, I was plagued with nightmares. One, right after another, they made their way, into my subconscious mind. Not a single moment of last night's sleep was peaceful, for me. I awoke, tired this morning. Yet, I did not want to stay in bed. I did not want to go back to sleep. I did not want the nightmares, to visit me, once again.
Haunting visions of mortality. How fragile we all, really are.
I had a nightmare, last night, that it was my funeral, I had attended yesterday. Nobody talked to me, and I could not understand why. Then, at the end of the ceremony, they said my name. My mom cried. I saw me, in a coffin.
It scared the hell out of me.
I knew it was a nightmare, even as it was happening. On some level, while dreaming it, I knew it was not real. Yet, I could not get myself to wake up.
Finally, after a few more dreams (equally haunting), I was visited by tendonitis, in both of my wrists Extreme pain...that is what woke me up, finally, at 6 am. And, never before have I been so FRIGGIN happy to have a tendonitis attack.
I had my coffee, and gave myself time to wake up. I took a nice bath, with all the stops pulled out. Bubbles, candles...even a mimosa (shhh!) I let myself relax, completely, and enjoy the scalding water. It was heaven. I enjoyed every minute of the bath, and let myself visualize the water, washing away the remnants of the nightmares, I had just had, last night.
After the bath, breakfast...an asparagus and spinach fritatta, with potatoes, and toast.
Now, here I am, writing.
Yesterday, as I have already said, there was no yarn play. After getting home from the ceremony, I did not even have a desire, to pull my yarn out. Really, there was no desire to do anything...except drink a few beers. Even the little bit of writing I managed, yesterday, was forced. I did not want to blog. NOT ONE BIT.
Now, after the bath, and the breakfast, I am feeling better.
I have every intention of going outside, when I am done writing this. I will sit on the bench swing, on the front porch, and will crochet away. I will take in the beauty, of the day, as I work my hook, through my yarn.
The wavy blanket.
You would think that, by now, being about a foot into this project, I would have had enough. You would think that I would be pulling my hair out, and BEGGING for another project. (Please! I will do ANYTHING! Just take away that DAMNED wavy blanket!) You would think that the joy of working this project, would, by now, have transformed into a type of loathing. You would think that the word "monotonous" would be the word I would use to describe this wavy blanket. Yes. And, you would think that the fun times, of creating this blanket, would be long gone. It would now be tedious. RIGHT?
WRONG!
Instead of "monotonous", I would describe this project, by using a word, such as "blissful", or "wonderful". I still look forward, to having my time, with this project. Doing the same stich pattern over and over, again, is not 'tedious' at all. Rather, there is something calming about it. Working the same stitch pattern, for this wavy blanket...well, it puts me in this type of trance. I go into a full out meditative zone, instead of the meltdown mode, that all my previous projects have sent me to.
Seriously...It is almost SCARY, how much I am enjoying, working on this project. It is just NOT NATURAL! I am not, by nature, a happy person. So, when I get in my "tra-la-la" mode, while working on this blanket...well, it is eerie, to me.
I think I would prefer a meltdown, if I can be completely honest.
Oh, meltdown...where are you?
Where is the 'hook-hurling, yarn-burning, fiber-freak', that I knew, at the beginning of The Yarn Project.
I think that my Stepford personality, has evolved. It has now expnaded. It has moved beyond cleaning, and is now taking up residence, in my crochet corner.
Well, I have one final thing, before I go.
Surgery is getting close. November 17. And, it is odd. Not long ago, I was a basket case, over it. Now, well...with it quickly approaching, I find myself in this calm state, over it. It is no big deal. I am not freaking out, about it. I am cool, over it. Cool, as a cucumber.
Weird.
Well...that is is, for today. I am off, to go crochet the wavy blanket. I wonder what Christmas tune, I will hook to, today.
Happy croheting!