Running Slower Than Expected!
To start off, today...I have one thing to say.
I had this idea, when beginning my sampler, that it would be a piece of cake. God only knows, why I thought this. I just figured it would be a breeze. I mean, I had the squares...so, a few, random panels, thrown into the mix, and then it was just a matter of stitching everything together. No big deal. I would be done before I knew it. After all...I had already made the 50 squares. And, after all...That was the hardest part. I mean, it had to be. Right?
Well...not so much!
I have come to learn that, no matter how horrible, some of the grannies were to make (and we all know...Some of them were beyond bitchy, to me.), they were nothing, compared to the trials I would face, when putting them together, into an afghan.
Yesterday, I had set myself a goal, to finish row number 2. As you may recall, if you read yesterday's entry, I was even brazen enough, to suggest that, MAYBE, I would get a go, at row 3.
Yep...and now, I feel like a loser! I feel like a total FRIGGIN failure!
Try as I may, I did not accomplish what I set out to do, yesterday. Row 2, sadly, did not get finished.
I came close. All I need is to work in one more square, and maybe a panel of treble stitch. But, what is that saying: almost doesn't count.
And, it haunted me. It actually TORMENTED me. Knowing that I was so close, to completing row 2. Well, it came into my dreams.
In my dreams, last night, I was woking on row 2, to my sampler. I was perched on my bed, propped up by my chair-pillow. All around me was an assortment of different yarns. (Let me say now...I wish I owned some of the yarns, that my dream had made readily available to me.) So, there I am, working. And, I am so happy, because I made it. In my dream, I had successfully managed to complete row 2. So, I went to go show my family. I called their attention, and unfolded it, on the floor. Only, as I unfolded it, there was NO row 2. Row 2 had completely vanished. My dream family, then started lauging at me. And (since my dreams are a little wild), even the single completed row, of the sampler, grew a mouth, and started laughing at me, as well.
I woke up, in a sweat. It was HORRIBLE. It was one of those dreams-turned-nightmare things. And, the first thing I did, as I tried to calm myself, was make sure that the afghan, which was so horrible in my dream, was not on the bed with me. Nope! Safe and sound. It was still in my craft bag...exactly where I had put it.
So, this morning I woke up and I had my coffee. And now, as I write, I can't help but continuously look at the folded sampler, I have so far created. There is no mouth on it. It is not audibly laughing at me, thank God. But, I can still feel it, harassing me! I see that ONE little piece, that empty section. The only part, that keeps row 2 from being finished. And, it pisses me off.
MAN! I REALLY WISH I HAD FINISHED ROW 2, YESTERDAY!
And then I think...maybe I, in some way, cursed it. Maybe by saying I would finish row 2, yesterday, I actually destroyed any hope of doing so.
So, today...I will not say a DAMNED thing, about how much of it I will finish.
I will just finish what I can.
On another note.
I am getting to the point where I need more black yarn. As I am framing squares, in black, my skein went, from being brand new, a few days ago, to pretty much non-existent, yesterday. If I am lucky, I may have enough to get through, today.
And, while we are on the topic of black yarn, let me just say this. I FRIGGIN HATE IT! Not only is black yarn impossible to see...working with it is a complete pain in the ass. But, it is also, to me, so BORING! I am, on a whole, a vibrant, wild, colorful person. Black is just...well...BLAH! It is getting to the point where I will soon put black yarn, in the same category that I have place ecru in.
One final thing, before I go.
I have to talk of the lack of support I am getting, yet again.
I don't know why it still surprises me. You would think that I would be so FRIGGIN used to it, at this point in the game. Deal with it Michael. You will NOT be getting support from your family. Just accept it, and move the hell on. Oh, how I wish I could.
So, yesterday, I am in the living room. I have the sampler, spread out, on the floor, and I am working away, like the obsessed yarnie, that I have become. I am babbling to myself. No, this square won't work there...You just need to put a panel there. What colors would go well here. C'mon, Michael...time is ticking away. My mom walks in the living room, and hears me, deeply involved, in my self-conversation.
"You should really put the yarn away, and come outside. It is a beautiful day."
"I can't," I say. "I just can't. I have to keep going. I am on a deadline. I have so much to do, before February 8."
At this, she giggled, a little bit. And, it wasn't just a giggle. There was so much, in that giggle. There was volumes, that giggle could speak. In it, I heard the following: "You, and your ridiculous little project. Why are you doing this, anyway? What is so important, about it. Jeeze, Michael...It's just yarn."
And, as she went outside, I have to admit, I was a little bit hurt. Even as I am showing that this is not some other, stupid, passing fascination, I am being treated like that is all it is. I get it. The Yarn Project may, very well, be silly to her. But, it isn't to me. It is serious. I am serious, about it! It has become my baby. And, rather than attempt to bring me down, you would think my family would try to support me. Even if they don't get it. I mean, sure, she will buy me the occasional skein. But, does that really make up for all the eye-rolling, and all the subtle little hints that, in her mind, I am just wasting my time, on some foolish little venture?
All I am asking for is, at least the attempt to show some support. Is that too hard, to give?
Anyway...there you have it. I have talked yarn. I have vented. I have gotten a lot off my chest (including my CREEPY-ASS dream!) And now, it is time to go. I have to go eat, bathe, and work on my sampler.
I bid you all...
Happy crocheting!