(no subject)
i've been trying to articulate my feelings for a while. i can't do it. and i can't share with anyone what's going on in my head. i can barely make eye contact with people. my anger and fear and all that shit is coming out as snotty or sarcastic comments. i've been trying to explain that to the people who have been the beneficiaries of that fucking attitude.
i feel so fucking guilty for acting like i am. but i can't show people how much i am hurting. i don't know why. i haven't cried in front of anyone here. i put on a happy face or whatever, but i am imploding. i sit by myself and stare at the ceiling and just hate myself and cry. i feel so stuck. and so scared.
i'm scared for myself. i don't think i would ever do anything, but i am scared of how much i am hurting and not being able to express that to anyone.
i feel so fucking guilty for acting like i am. but i can't show people how much i am hurting. i don't know why. i haven't cried in front of anyone here. i put on a happy face or whatever, but i am imploding. i sit by myself and stare at the ceiling and just hate myself and cry. i feel so stuck. and so scared.
i'm scared for myself. i don't think i would ever do anything, but i am scared of how much i am hurting and not being able to express that to anyone.