Banging Away
Title: Banging Away
Summary: Be careful what you rant about; it might come true.
Characters/Pairings: Jack/James/Will, Elizabeth throwing a fit, implied W/E, past N/E, suspected J/E, and some swords.
Rating: R+ (somewhat dodgy smut, no lemon)
Length: 1,353 words
Thanks to: british_pickle and __dtrain for early readthroughs; shrieking_ell for officially making sure my allergic, murky condition had caused no injury to my writing. Or for telling me where it had *g*
Warnings: Aforementioned congested allergy-brain, dice ex machina.
Note: Rather crack. Also, porn! For johanirae, who requested it. Also for ofdreamsnbones, who wanted to know how the dice game works (this is a combination of what I observed in the film, read in the official 'Pirate Dice' game rules, and experienced while playing with various people except the naked bit at the end; that's all Jack's fault).
"Oh, fine. Let's just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other; that should solve everything!"
James lifted his sword to block Will's, which was really Elizabeth's, which was really that of some unfortunate sailor who had awoken to find himself naked and unarmed - if he had woken at all - and the ungainly rasping clang it made against James' own shabby excuse for a blade was almost enough to drown out Jack's voice: "Do either of you suppose she really meant that? Because apart from the sand, which has the potential of getting a bit uncomfortable-" Jack paused momentarily to take a swipe at the key hanging from Will's fist, block James' attacking blade, and barely regain his balance before continuing- "I'm game."
James simply scoffed; Will tilted his head accusingly and declared, "What you are is mad." He lunged at Jack's exposed side, only to discover that James' blade had gotten there first and that, anyway, Jack had ducked under both swords and popped up again on the other side. "I don't see how she could have intended what you are doubtless considering, especially since two of the three men present were once engaged to her; I, in fact, still am, for which delay I might thank you - is she throwing rocks at us?"
"It would appear so," said James, squinting into the sun. "Now she's fainting dramatically." He made up for his quick glance away from the melee by returning with redoubled speed and force.
"Don't change the subject," Jack snapped, dodging a lunge and nearly putting James' eye out with his weaponized hair embellishments.
"Watch the spine!"
"My apologies." Jack bowed deeply as an excuse to grab for the key which was now in James' possession, but the former commodore took advantage of his height and raised the item in question as far above their heads as he could reach. "Unfair!"
"Fortunately, I am no longer required to fight fair." Norrington grinned smugly while Jack scowled at him. "Mr Turner, what point, precisely, were you intending to make before Elizabeth's poor aim distracted you?"
Will looked for a moment as though he were about to make one of several defiant corrections, but instead answered, "Only that I don't believe any of us - with the possible exception of Jack - would be inclined-"
"Oh, shut up." Jack made one last reach for the key, then decided that to re-establish the wheeling clash of blades would be just as productive and less infuriating. "I'm a pirate, he's a sailor, and you're off symbolically whacking your anvil. It's about time we got down in the sand and shagged like rabbits on the eve of the Apocalypse." Will dropped his sword and his jaw, and James burst out laughing. "Oy! Elizabeth! Did you catch that?" Jack called out, but Elizabeth had gone, her footprints one of three sets that converged as they headed into the verdure. "She's not here." Jack shrugged and sat down cross-legged in the sand.
"She did have a point, though," Will said, taking a seat across from Jack and then sliding over a bit to give James an even amount of room. "We've been sparring all this time with nothing to show for it but a few scrapes and a great deal more sand in our boots."
"Aye." Jack frowned in emphatic agreement as he upended one such boot to let a hermit crab tumble out. After the crab marched away, Jack took off his other boot and wriggled the toes of both feet into the sand. "Any brilliant thoughts regarding an alternative means of competition?" he asked.
"The crew of the Dutchman played a game with dice."
James appeared hardly willing to classify this as 'brilliant,' but was silent in his doubt. Jack, on the other hand, spoke. "And you would therefore be suggesting we make use of the aforementioned game for the distinct and singular purpose of sorting out our present predicament. One question - who's got the dice?"
Will tossed fifteen dice and three barnacled cups onto the sand.
"Where'd you get those?"
"I was keeping them in my bodice." Will looked across their tri-angled circle at Jack with the faux earnestness of expression that anyone with half a brain would realize was his version of a wicked smirk.
Jack did not want to contemplate what this meant for either the secrecy of his cut-short island getaway with Elizabeth or the status of Will's wardrobe (though he might return to the question of wardrobe at a later date, in more private surroundings), so he simply said, "Ah," very knowingly, and leered.
Will and James both rolled their eyes, and James asked, "So how does one play this game?"
"It's really quite simple," Jack and Will said at once, then glanced at each other and Jack nodded graciously with a hand gesture for Will to proceed.
"Each player has five dice, which he tumbles in the cup and then turns out, keeping them beneath the overturned cup so only he can read the numbers. The players then take turns guessing how many dice of a certain number there are - among all the dice, not just his own. From the guess before it, each man's guess must increase - either in the number of dice or the number on the dice - by at least one. If a man thinks the player who just guessed is lying, or wrong about the number of the dice, he calls it; all players show their dice and whichever player was right gets the prize - in this case, the key. And lastly-"
"For example," Jack chimed in, "if Will here guessed four threes, I could say there were four fours, or five threes, or four sixes, or eight twos or seven fives or thirteen threes - which would be stupid - but I couldn't call three fives. Or three of anything at all, because the number of dice in play can't go down. Savvy?"
"And ones are wild," Will finished belatedly.
"I - right then." Norrington picked up a cup and five dice, Will and Jack following suit.
"Oh, and one more thing," Jack added. "-A suggestion, if you will. To make the game more interesting." Will and James prepared their most dubious expressions, but did not interrupt. "Every time one of us makes a guess, he takes off an article of clothing. At the end of the game, the winner gets the key as well as the loser's clothes, and the man who neither won or lost (the man who didn't challenge the guess, nor was he the guesser challenged) gets his own clothes back. Which is only fair, since he didn't win anything else, and didn't lose so shouldn't be made to sacrifice his dignity."
And that was what eventually led to the three men in the surf, nude except for Jack who was wearing his hat and James who was wearing Jack's sash around his waist. Will was on his hands and knees, James kneeling behind him, Jack sitting on his heels behind James and licking his way down the ex-Commodore's spine. Certain unmentionable acts occurred, both loudly and breathlessly; repeatedly, and in various permutations of the original assemblage. James on his hands and knees, Jack kneeling upright, Will kneeling in front of James. Jack sandwiched, standing, between Will facing him and James pushing into him. The three of them tangled beyond all recognition; exhausted, well-sexed, and with the salt foam of the waves rhythmically washing their bodies.
A cheeky crab scuttled over and pinched Jack on the thigh; he jumped up, pulled on his trousers, shirt and vest, found his pistol and trained it on where the crab had been - unable to locate said crab again, he grabbed his boots, his baldric, the key, and his sash from where it'd gotten flung, and started running. James and Will, who could not themselves remember who had rightfully won the key but who knew it could not possibly have been Jack, hastily dressed and made chase, forgetting all other inclinations, as well as the cups and dice left lying on the sand.
---
My Two Cents: Bla bla bla Mel hasn't written in roughly forever bla. This is from a requests post I made more than two weeks ago; hopefully I'll be getting more of those filled in a relatively timely fashion. Because as it is, I'm like 2 for 15. And one of those is a 5-minute drabble *g*
As usual, I am a WHORE for feedback of any sort; it feeds me and pleases me and makes me want to write more. Even if it's just a simple "Hallo, I read this," or a "Hallo, you're mad."
Ta,
-M
Summary: Be careful what you rant about; it might come true.
Characters/Pairings: Jack/James/Will, Elizabeth throwing a fit, implied W/E, past N/E, suspected J/E, and some swords.
Rating: R+ (somewhat dodgy smut, no lemon)
Length: 1,353 words
Thanks to: british_pickle and __dtrain for early readthroughs; shrieking_ell for officially making sure my allergic, murky condition had caused no injury to my writing. Or for telling me where it had *g*
Warnings: Aforementioned congested allergy-brain, dice ex machina.
Note: Rather crack. Also, porn! For johanirae, who requested it. Also for ofdreamsnbones, who wanted to know how the dice game works (this is a combination of what I observed in the film, read in the official 'Pirate Dice' game rules, and experienced while playing with various people except the naked bit at the end; that's all Jack's fault).
"Oh, fine. Let's just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other; that should solve everything!"
James lifted his sword to block Will's, which was really Elizabeth's, which was really that of some unfortunate sailor who had awoken to find himself naked and unarmed - if he had woken at all - and the ungainly rasping clang it made against James' own shabby excuse for a blade was almost enough to drown out Jack's voice: "Do either of you suppose she really meant that? Because apart from the sand, which has the potential of getting a bit uncomfortable-" Jack paused momentarily to take a swipe at the key hanging from Will's fist, block James' attacking blade, and barely regain his balance before continuing- "I'm game."
James simply scoffed; Will tilted his head accusingly and declared, "What you are is mad." He lunged at Jack's exposed side, only to discover that James' blade had gotten there first and that, anyway, Jack had ducked under both swords and popped up again on the other side. "I don't see how she could have intended what you are doubtless considering, especially since two of the three men present were once engaged to her; I, in fact, still am, for which delay I might thank you - is she throwing rocks at us?"
"It would appear so," said James, squinting into the sun. "Now she's fainting dramatically." He made up for his quick glance away from the melee by returning with redoubled speed and force.
"Don't change the subject," Jack snapped, dodging a lunge and nearly putting James' eye out with his weaponized hair embellishments.
"Watch the spine!"
"My apologies." Jack bowed deeply as an excuse to grab for the key which was now in James' possession, but the former commodore took advantage of his height and raised the item in question as far above their heads as he could reach. "Unfair!"
"Fortunately, I am no longer required to fight fair." Norrington grinned smugly while Jack scowled at him. "Mr Turner, what point, precisely, were you intending to make before Elizabeth's poor aim distracted you?"
Will looked for a moment as though he were about to make one of several defiant corrections, but instead answered, "Only that I don't believe any of us - with the possible exception of Jack - would be inclined-"
"Oh, shut up." Jack made one last reach for the key, then decided that to re-establish the wheeling clash of blades would be just as productive and less infuriating. "I'm a pirate, he's a sailor, and you're off symbolically whacking your anvil. It's about time we got down in the sand and shagged like rabbits on the eve of the Apocalypse." Will dropped his sword and his jaw, and James burst out laughing. "Oy! Elizabeth! Did you catch that?" Jack called out, but Elizabeth had gone, her footprints one of three sets that converged as they headed into the verdure. "She's not here." Jack shrugged and sat down cross-legged in the sand.
"She did have a point, though," Will said, taking a seat across from Jack and then sliding over a bit to give James an even amount of room. "We've been sparring all this time with nothing to show for it but a few scrapes and a great deal more sand in our boots."
"Aye." Jack frowned in emphatic agreement as he upended one such boot to let a hermit crab tumble out. After the crab marched away, Jack took off his other boot and wriggled the toes of both feet into the sand. "Any brilliant thoughts regarding an alternative means of competition?" he asked.
"The crew of the Dutchman played a game with dice."
James appeared hardly willing to classify this as 'brilliant,' but was silent in his doubt. Jack, on the other hand, spoke. "And you would therefore be suggesting we make use of the aforementioned game for the distinct and singular purpose of sorting out our present predicament. One question - who's got the dice?"
Will tossed fifteen dice and three barnacled cups onto the sand.
"Where'd you get those?"
"I was keeping them in my bodice." Will looked across their tri-angled circle at Jack with the faux earnestness of expression that anyone with half a brain would realize was his version of a wicked smirk.
Jack did not want to contemplate what this meant for either the secrecy of his cut-short island getaway with Elizabeth or the status of Will's wardrobe (though he might return to the question of wardrobe at a later date, in more private surroundings), so he simply said, "Ah," very knowingly, and leered.
Will and James both rolled their eyes, and James asked, "So how does one play this game?"
"It's really quite simple," Jack and Will said at once, then glanced at each other and Jack nodded graciously with a hand gesture for Will to proceed.
"Each player has five dice, which he tumbles in the cup and then turns out, keeping them beneath the overturned cup so only he can read the numbers. The players then take turns guessing how many dice of a certain number there are - among all the dice, not just his own. From the guess before it, each man's guess must increase - either in the number of dice or the number on the dice - by at least one. If a man thinks the player who just guessed is lying, or wrong about the number of the dice, he calls it; all players show their dice and whichever player was right gets the prize - in this case, the key. And lastly-"
"For example," Jack chimed in, "if Will here guessed four threes, I could say there were four fours, or five threes, or four sixes, or eight twos or seven fives or thirteen threes - which would be stupid - but I couldn't call three fives. Or three of anything at all, because the number of dice in play can't go down. Savvy?"
"And ones are wild," Will finished belatedly.
"I - right then." Norrington picked up a cup and five dice, Will and Jack following suit.
"Oh, and one more thing," Jack added. "-A suggestion, if you will. To make the game more interesting." Will and James prepared their most dubious expressions, but did not interrupt. "Every time one of us makes a guess, he takes off an article of clothing. At the end of the game, the winner gets the key as well as the loser's clothes, and the man who neither won or lost (the man who didn't challenge the guess, nor was he the guesser challenged) gets his own clothes back. Which is only fair, since he didn't win anything else, and didn't lose so shouldn't be made to sacrifice his dignity."
And that was what eventually led to the three men in the surf, nude except for Jack who was wearing his hat and James who was wearing Jack's sash around his waist. Will was on his hands and knees, James kneeling behind him, Jack sitting on his heels behind James and licking his way down the ex-Commodore's spine. Certain unmentionable acts occurred, both loudly and breathlessly; repeatedly, and in various permutations of the original assemblage. James on his hands and knees, Jack kneeling upright, Will kneeling in front of James. Jack sandwiched, standing, between Will facing him and James pushing into him. The three of them tangled beyond all recognition; exhausted, well-sexed, and with the salt foam of the waves rhythmically washing their bodies.
A cheeky crab scuttled over and pinched Jack on the thigh; he jumped up, pulled on his trousers, shirt and vest, found his pistol and trained it on where the crab had been - unable to locate said crab again, he grabbed his boots, his baldric, the key, and his sash from where it'd gotten flung, and started running. James and Will, who could not themselves remember who had rightfully won the key but who knew it could not possibly have been Jack, hastily dressed and made chase, forgetting all other inclinations, as well as the cups and dice left lying on the sand.
---
My Two Cents: Bla bla bla Mel hasn't written in roughly forever bla. This is from a requests post I made more than two weeks ago; hopefully I'll be getting more of those filled in a relatively timely fashion. Because as it is, I'm like 2 for 15. And one of those is a 5-minute drabble *g*
As usual, I am a WHORE for feedback of any sort; it feeds me and pleases me and makes me want to write more. Even if it's just a simple "Hallo, I read this," or a "Hallo, you're mad."
Ta,
-M