it's just a matter of time until we're all found out
it is really difficult to learn things about the people that you think you know. some of which you've only known half truths about in the past, and others that were complete and blatant lies to your face. all of it hurts just the same. especially when you're great friends with both people who are informing you of opposing sides. which one is telling the truth? it is so much easier to want to believe the positive side, that you haven't been lied to for the past...oh, three years. that the other person you've always trusted just a little bit less is lying to you. but, when you start to fill in the blanks...you have all the doubt. sigh.
i wish i could remember when life got so complicated. the simplicity of youth has faded far from my mind, and i feel like i've grown up too soon. i'm not really sure how that happened, but the carefree lifestyle that i used to dream about doesn't really feel so carefree. it doesn't make things easier that i'm in college and have a job. sure, i have more 'freedom', but the masses of insanity that pile into my schedule don't make life any less stressed. there's nothing that i want to do in this area, and to top it all off....well, i miss the friends that i used to have. i miss when they didn't all decide that they hated one another, and had so many issues that they couldn't put behind them. seriously, i don't know half the people that i used to surround myself with anymore, and i can't help but think that maybe i'm pushing them all away. i've had a very large string of "best friends" that have left me behind, and changed themselves completely. am i stuck in some kind of idiotic lifestyle, where i just shove everyone away?
well, this is getting really, really emo and my thoughts are all over the place. i honestly don't want to be dwelling on this, but i'm just so confused about who i am, who i used to be, and what i'm destined to become. not to mention, that i'm so completely unsure of who to believe anymore. sigh.
the only thing worse than not knowing, is you thinking that i don't know...
xoxo,t
i wish i could remember when life got so complicated. the simplicity of youth has faded far from my mind, and i feel like i've grown up too soon. i'm not really sure how that happened, but the carefree lifestyle that i used to dream about doesn't really feel so carefree. it doesn't make things easier that i'm in college and have a job. sure, i have more 'freedom', but the masses of insanity that pile into my schedule don't make life any less stressed. there's nothing that i want to do in this area, and to top it all off....well, i miss the friends that i used to have. i miss when they didn't all decide that they hated one another, and had so many issues that they couldn't put behind them. seriously, i don't know half the people that i used to surround myself with anymore, and i can't help but think that maybe i'm pushing them all away. i've had a very large string of "best friends" that have left me behind, and changed themselves completely. am i stuck in some kind of idiotic lifestyle, where i just shove everyone away?
well, this is getting really, really emo and my thoughts are all over the place. i honestly don't want to be dwelling on this, but i'm just so confused about who i am, who i used to be, and what i'm destined to become. not to mention, that i'm so completely unsure of who to believe anymore. sigh.
the only thing worse than not knowing, is you thinking that i don't know...
xoxo,t