For amber...
O. Mistakes of Men
"Ah! Death at last!" thought Mr. Smith. "After years of incessant, fruitless toil, and senseless suffering, finally the peace I deserve."
"Hello, my good man," uttered a cold attendant from behind a desk, as soon as Smith finished walking what appeared to be a 10 feet hall that led to a single door.
"And welcome to the afterlife."
"Afterlife ?" lamented Smith to himself. "Great…just what I needed. More of the same."
"I'm Jerry. Please take a seat… I'll quickly check your files, and in a few moments I'll be telling you what will be made of you from now on."
The attendant typed hastily in a very ordinary looking keyboard.
"Wait, wait a minute." Said Jerry as he gawked at the monitor with disbelief, his fingers going progressively slower. "Something appears to be wrong here. The computer tells me you scored four, out of a possible ten thousand?"
Mr. Smith blushed as he remembered all the fornicating he did before marriage, and that one time he and some friends from college set a sleeping bum on fire . "Well I… I tried my best… I was a Christian and-"
"For all that's sacred, four points, I've never seen anything remotely like this. Let me call my superior." said Jerry, who appeared to care little about religion, as he left the room through another door in the back.
"Jesus fuck" thought Mr. Smith the moment the door shut in front of him. "It's like Sartre's 'Huis Clos', isn't it? I'm stuck in this room forever, this will be my personal hell! Fuck no, no, oh God!"
With this sudden burst of existentialist despair, Smith stood up and began walking in circles.
"Christ, I need a cigarette." He said to himself, despite being fully conscious he'd probably never again see a pack of Marlboros.
Suddenly, much to his surprise and relief, the door behind the desk opened after less then five minutes.
"Listen," went Jerry, as Smith tried to wipe the sweat off his face. "I talked to my manager, and there's no need to panic. It appears the problem's not only yours, lots of cubicles in our division are facing the same situation."
Jerry approached Smith inquisitively "You're a Human, isn't that correct? A Human from Earth?"
"Yes I… I believe so." Said Jerry, wondering how there could be any sort of confusion regarding this, or if humans always scored this low.
"Well, what do you know? The guys from logistics failed to send you people your manuals. I can only imagine what you guys had to go through down there! Six billion self conscious beings thrown on one of the universe's hardest to reach planets, and not a single manual!?
I can only assume you lived like pigs in sty! Hahaha! I'm only joking. But not really."
As Jerry went on about this, Smith tried to fully grasp the meaning of what was being said to him.
"Not to worry though. Those accountable for this horrible act are soon to be punished, and LIFE 1.0 manuals are on their way to your planet, with some complimentary mints and condoms to show… well. To show just how sorry we are." Concluded Jerry with a smile.
Meanwhile, on Earth, human radars spot a mysterious object, moving through space with the highest speed ever recorded this near to our solar system. A seemingly dangerous route that led towards lethal collision with the planet, has its course appropriately altered by the launching of some nukes
As the object approaches the sun, it quickly burns with great intensity, leaving behind no sign of its existence.
In Africa, young children starve to death. In the civilized world, well fed young men dress as cartoon characters and get to their thirties without having sex.
No one suspects there's anything wrong.
"Ah! Death at last!" thought Mr. Smith. "After years of incessant, fruitless toil, and senseless suffering, finally the peace I deserve."
"Hello, my good man," uttered a cold attendant from behind a desk, as soon as Smith finished walking what appeared to be a 10 feet hall that led to a single door.
"And welcome to the afterlife."
"Afterlife ?" lamented Smith to himself. "Great…just what I needed. More of the same."
"I'm Jerry. Please take a seat… I'll quickly check your files, and in a few moments I'll be telling you what will be made of you from now on."
The attendant typed hastily in a very ordinary looking keyboard.
"Wait, wait a minute." Said Jerry as he gawked at the monitor with disbelief, his fingers going progressively slower. "Something appears to be wrong here. The computer tells me you scored four, out of a possible ten thousand?"
Mr. Smith blushed as he remembered all the fornicating he did before marriage, and that one time he and some friends from college set a sleeping bum on fire . "Well I… I tried my best… I was a Christian and-"
"For all that's sacred, four points, I've never seen anything remotely like this. Let me call my superior." said Jerry, who appeared to care little about religion, as he left the room through another door in the back.
"Jesus fuck" thought Mr. Smith the moment the door shut in front of him. "It's like Sartre's 'Huis Clos', isn't it? I'm stuck in this room forever, this will be my personal hell! Fuck no, no, oh God!"
With this sudden burst of existentialist despair, Smith stood up and began walking in circles.
"Christ, I need a cigarette." He said to himself, despite being fully conscious he'd probably never again see a pack of Marlboros.
Suddenly, much to his surprise and relief, the door behind the desk opened after less then five minutes.
"Listen," went Jerry, as Smith tried to wipe the sweat off his face. "I talked to my manager, and there's no need to panic. It appears the problem's not only yours, lots of cubicles in our division are facing the same situation."
Jerry approached Smith inquisitively "You're a Human, isn't that correct? A Human from Earth?"
"Yes I… I believe so." Said Jerry, wondering how there could be any sort of confusion regarding this, or if humans always scored this low.
"Well, what do you know? The guys from logistics failed to send you people your manuals. I can only imagine what you guys had to go through down there! Six billion self conscious beings thrown on one of the universe's hardest to reach planets, and not a single manual!?
I can only assume you lived like pigs in sty! Hahaha! I'm only joking. But not really."
As Jerry went on about this, Smith tried to fully grasp the meaning of what was being said to him.
"Not to worry though. Those accountable for this horrible act are soon to be punished, and LIFE 1.0 manuals are on their way to your planet, with some complimentary mints and condoms to show… well. To show just how sorry we are." Concluded Jerry with a smile.
Meanwhile, on Earth, human radars spot a mysterious object, moving through space with the highest speed ever recorded this near to our solar system. A seemingly dangerous route that led towards lethal collision with the planet, has its course appropriately altered by the launching of some nukes
As the object approaches the sun, it quickly burns with great intensity, leaving behind no sign of its existence.
In Africa, young children starve to death. In the civilized world, well fed young men dress as cartoon characters and get to their thirties without having sex.
No one suspects there's anything wrong.