Blue and Gray
I’m here again. I’m getting reacquainted, but I still feel the empty space, this time its less threatening but its existence hurts nevertheless. Now I have the comfort of knowing it will pass, but doubt on wether it should is present enough to have my stomach ache and my eyes pause and fix on my thoughts.
I have to be carful not to damn it before it shows me its potential. I still have that unsatisfied taste in my mouth on walks alone but we are still settling into roles we so vigorously denied each other the satisfaction of having. The guards I had put in place may have saved me then but are now blinding me to obvious statements as I look for underlying purpose. I’m so afraid of the gray that I fail to see the blue, but I have not decided if that fear is unjust yet. What’s the part that is missing that makes me so unsure of its stability? Whatever that part is, I want it. At points I crave it. Uncertainty is exciting until you become certain of the worst out come. In the end my mind runs in circles while I have already made the path and my body fallows it in the dark distracted by my convoluted and inflated thoughts. I need to learn to silence them before I trip over them.
I’m here again. I’m getting reacquainted, but I still feel the empty space, this time its less threatening but its existence hurts nevertheless. Now I have the comfort of knowing it will pass, but doubt on wether it should is present enough to have my stomach ache and my eyes pause and fix on my thoughts.
I have to be carful not to damn it before it shows me its potential. I still have that unsatisfied taste in my mouth on walks alone but we are still settling into roles we so vigorously denied each other the satisfaction of having. The guards I had put in place may have saved me then but are now blinding me to obvious statements as I look for underlying purpose. I’m so afraid of the gray that I fail to see the blue, but I have not decided if that fear is unjust yet. What’s the part that is missing that makes me so unsure of its stability? Whatever that part is, I want it. At points I crave it. Uncertainty is exciting until you become certain of the worst out come. In the end my mind runs in circles while I have already made the path and my body fallows it in the dark distracted by my convoluted and inflated thoughts. I need to learn to silence them before I trip over them.