since then

Sep 10, 2008 21:11

6 HOURS A DAY : every year I feel it happen, I feel my self get broken, and it repulses me.  This year took the least amount of time to get use to it. They like me.  Well its not actually like, I think its more fascination. With some its like explaining a college math problem to a first grader in a matter of fact tone. I'm still morning the loss of what should have been. I will cry for that loss when everyone else will be crying for their own lies. The truth eludes them, and with some it always may. Good is here and there. I'm pragmatic.

RF: I can't talk to him this week. I miss his face. It some how makes me sure of him and doubt myself. His arms are going to be unreal. He spells want with an o. I'm afraid to bring him back here, my friends ruin him. What they bring out of him is the same thing that he loses when he talks to me.He now feels like he is mine, but I am afraid they will take him from me.He can act so young and that bothers me,he can also laugh like a child and I fined that to be so enduring. His heart beat, his breath, the smell of his skin, I miss him just being alive next to me. I can't wait to have our relationship  adapt to being with one another all day. ....I said those words. I don't feel it all the time but at that moment...it was all I could feel. My voice was soft. Him saying back felt so good, he has already said it often but when he sys it back...that feels fresh. It feels as though someone put their hand in my stomach and squeezed. Looking into his eyes as tears fall down his face makes me feel as though I'm on a cliff looking down at a fall that I can't comprehend.  He feels so much, I'm just now feeling the same.
When I go to him I will know. I will feel it, and I will know.
If I want to or not is still up for debate.
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