MARATHON POSTING IV
FRED TALKS ABOUT ICE CREAM
Some foods should not be messed with.
Spaghetti sauce. The cafeteria here puts gobs of celery in the sauce. This crime against pasta may not deserve its own ring of Hell, but they should at least get a time-out in Heck for this. (That’s my new Band Name - A Time Out In Heck)
Steak. There are a few marinades or we might put onions or a fungus on it, but for the most part it is a Big Chunk of Cooked Cow Flesh or it ain’t steak.
Some foods, however, are just asking for it.
Potatoes. These tubers are the most abused veggies in the galaxy. We fry them, bake them, stuff them, scallop them and we often just MASH them. We shove cheese and butter in them, lather them in sour cream, sprinkle them with chives and bury them under various Dead Animal Broths.
Chicken. We barbeque it, we honey glaze, we fry and bake and broil it. We put it on salads and we make it into salads. We stuff it with stuff or stuff it into other stuff.
However, in the long run, it’s still some kind of chicken and some kind of potatoes.
Ice cream. Ohhh, glorious ice cream. It ASKS to be screwed with.
First of all, we have to pick WHICH ice cream to abuse. There are many, many, many kinds. We could say there are many kinds of potatoes, but really there is SWEET and EVERYBODY ELSE. Ice creams have different flavors and different fillings. They could taste like a fruit, or a candy, or pastry, or Honey or Rum or Chocolate or a combination of them. Then we can cover them with nuts or mix nuts into them. We can cover them with chocolate syrup or swirl chocolate into them. We can surround them with bananas, cover them in three sauces and call it a Banana Split. We can dump it in a cup of milk and blend it into a think pseudobeverage, and can dump it into a soft drink and call it a float.
I think that Ice Cream may be one of the most resilient foods in the world. When the bomb hits, only Roaches will be alive, and they’ll be eating Ice Cream.
FRED TALKS ABOUT HOW TO FIX THE WORLD
We get Aliens to invade, let them throw our all the world leaders and replace them w/ random people from each country. Then we let those people have all the power. All of it. That will fix everything.
An Open Letter To The Aliens:
PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!
Sincerely,
Fred
FRED TALKS ABOUT REALITY TELEVISION
If you enjoy reality television, there is something wrong with you. No argument. This is not up for discussion. You have a problem. Please turn yourself into the local mental health facility. Thank you.
The only ‘reality’ show I like is LAST COMIC STANDING. I cannot stand the others. I think the Casting Director of each of these show must have meetings where they have a pig picture of me and say things like ‘The success of our show rests on our ability to select candidates that will annoy This Man.’ as they hit my picture with a stick or laser pointer or something.
FRED TALKS ABOUT RANDOM SILLINESS
-Does your inner child have ADD?
-My spoon is too big.
-If you whined about a problem in LJ in the last thirty days, did you put more time and energy into composing your LJ post than you did fixing your problem?
-Why do you think you’re so important that the voices in your head are talking to you?
Some foods should not be messed with.
Spaghetti sauce. The cafeteria here puts gobs of celery in the sauce. This crime against pasta may not deserve its own ring of Hell, but they should at least get a time-out in Heck for this. (That’s my new Band Name - A Time Out In Heck)
Steak. There are a few marinades or we might put onions or a fungus on it, but for the most part it is a Big Chunk of Cooked Cow Flesh or it ain’t steak.
Some foods, however, are just asking for it.
Potatoes. These tubers are the most abused veggies in the galaxy. We fry them, bake them, stuff them, scallop them and we often just MASH them. We shove cheese and butter in them, lather them in sour cream, sprinkle them with chives and bury them under various Dead Animal Broths.
Chicken. We barbeque it, we honey glaze, we fry and bake and broil it. We put it on salads and we make it into salads. We stuff it with stuff or stuff it into other stuff.
However, in the long run, it’s still some kind of chicken and some kind of potatoes.
Ice cream. Ohhh, glorious ice cream. It ASKS to be screwed with.
First of all, we have to pick WHICH ice cream to abuse. There are many, many, many kinds. We could say there are many kinds of potatoes, but really there is SWEET and EVERYBODY ELSE. Ice creams have different flavors and different fillings. They could taste like a fruit, or a candy, or pastry, or Honey or Rum or Chocolate or a combination of them. Then we can cover them with nuts or mix nuts into them. We can cover them with chocolate syrup or swirl chocolate into them. We can surround them with bananas, cover them in three sauces and call it a Banana Split. We can dump it in a cup of milk and blend it into a think pseudobeverage, and can dump it into a soft drink and call it a float.
I think that Ice Cream may be one of the most resilient foods in the world. When the bomb hits, only Roaches will be alive, and they’ll be eating Ice Cream.
FRED TALKS ABOUT HOW TO FIX THE WORLD
We get Aliens to invade, let them throw our all the world leaders and replace them w/ random people from each country. Then we let those people have all the power. All of it. That will fix everything.
An Open Letter To The Aliens:
PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!
Sincerely,
Fred
FRED TALKS ABOUT REALITY TELEVISION
If you enjoy reality television, there is something wrong with you. No argument. This is not up for discussion. You have a problem. Please turn yourself into the local mental health facility. Thank you.
The only ‘reality’ show I like is LAST COMIC STANDING. I cannot stand the others. I think the Casting Director of each of these show must have meetings where they have a pig picture of me and say things like ‘The success of our show rests on our ability to select candidates that will annoy This Man.’ as they hit my picture with a stick or laser pointer or something.
FRED TALKS ABOUT RANDOM SILLINESS
-Does your inner child have ADD?
-My spoon is too big.
-If you whined about a problem in LJ in the last thirty days, did you put more time and energy into composing your LJ post than you did fixing your problem?
-Why do you think you’re so important that the voices in your head are talking to you?