Lance armstrong quits biking to jion other uniballs.
Lance armstrong shocked the world when he annouced today that he quits biking to join his fellow uno-huevo compadre, Tom Green, in his crazy antics and mad skateboarding stunts. Lance says, " Tom has truly inspired me throughout the years, especially with his 'Feel your balls song', and I decided that instead of just biking hard, I'm going to give it up and become an extreme hooligan and skateboarder. Who better to help me with my dream then the master of disaster, Tom? Maybe we can talk Ashton kutcher into sacrificing one of his nuts to science, and jioning our studly actions in conquering the earth with foolish pranks and punking even more people.
He also got a tattoo on his arm that says, one is always better then 2, which is why he dumped sheryl crow, and is planning to be americas most sought after bachelor, and form a group of uberbachelors, called F.A.G.S., Friends And Great Studmuffins. He hopes to have more members soon, and quote," Will gladly include young uni breasted victims of tragedy."
Washintonian officers out of reasons to arrest citizens.
Earlier this month, a stephanie willet was arrested by officers. These same officers have arrested a 12 year old girl and a wheelchair bound man. Because of a lack of speeders, and a severe drop in crime, there has been a spike in cracking down on the lesser known crimes. Stephanies crime, along with fellow villians, is eating on a subway. After trying to enter the subway with a payday bar. She finished the candy snack, only to be further pestered by officers for her id.
Officer sally o'maley said,"with the rise in commuters, on the subway and ferrys, we have to have some way to punish, I mean ticket, the people of this great state. How will we make money if we can't? So we got a law passed and inforce it with an iron fist of doom and despair. Now we can bring in anyone, for eating, we even arrested a man for swearing at the elevators. Ill be damned if I lose my job to some security gaurd or lesser paid worker, because we can't give out tickets. I hope to soon get a law passed against flatulence and burping in inclosed spaces, so as to fill my quota. It will be a glorious day."
A probetorial by allison the newborn.
Well I'm here, finally, after 9 months of waiting I'm in the real world. I love it here. I can go to the bathroom where ever I please, get spoonfed, and never have to walk any where. Why would anyone grow up.
The other day I was in my crib and I felt an onslaught of fecal matter fighting its way out, so I let it go. And then I was amazed when my female servant changed my pants and gave me brand new ones. Now I go whenever I can, I even force it out just to watch their obiedience.
This is the life, I don't even have to chew. All of my food is this mushy stuff that taste like cardboard, but gets me full, and I don't even have to put it in my mouth, the adults do it for me. How sweet is that??
I don't even have to dress myself. I just wake up, new clothes are put on me by what appears to be people worshipping me, and then I just get to relax all day. Could life get any better? Wait till I learn their simple language and rule this small world of incompetent fools. 3 days old and liven large.
I wrote all of these and just want some input.