memory wise, memory flies, memory barely satisfies
alright. i am finally bored enough to write in this thing. i don't know why, but i have been in an anti-journal slump ever since i returned from india. a few weeks ago i was walking out to my car when i was doubled over by a terrible longing for hyderabad. for a few short minutes, the suburban minnesota sky was cloaked by that same heavy blue velvet which swaddled the old city at night...and i felt a familiar rush of warm night air rushing across my face. the smells of jasmine and red dust, of course they were imagined, mingled in the pervasive miasma of diesel exhaust. when i reached home, i took out my hyderabad diary and looked through a few entries. i smirked at the yellow pickle stains that haphazardly adorned its pages and picked out the dried jammi leaves from dassera that had fallen into the binding. i don't think i can really say i enjoyed living in india. those six months were a very trying and challenging time for me. but i do have to say that it was also an incredibly fertile time in my life, both intellectually and emotionally. i didn't come any closer to figuring myself out or resolving any identity issues, i certainly never "found" myself in india. but i do feel more secure in myself, more centered and grounded.
reading journals always makes me sad though, because they remind me of just how poor and corrupt my memory really is. some people say you should live for the experience, the moment, the feelings, etc. but what good is all that when you're just going to forget them anyway? there are many instances where i've done things i haven't really wanted to do "for the experience." and where does that get me? i read my journal five years later and think, "oh yeah...that was fun?" but then there is the real tragedy of forgetting your friends, who you thought you could never live without, one story and inside joke at a time.
i didn't get into columbia, which was the only other serious contender for chicago. so i've decided to accept chicago's proposal. i'm pretty devastated that i won't be able to live in new york, but i think i can still work something out. maybe some kind of a semester exchange? i also found out that the south asia department at chicago is setting up an exchange program with hebrew university because of certain research ties. there is a famous telugu scholar there, so i might go study with him at some point. in jerusalem! two weekends ago i went to chicago with my family for spring break and to look at housing options. i do not want to make the mistake of living in hyde park again, if i have to live in chicago then it is definitely going to be in a more happening area. the trip was fun enough, we did what we always do in chicago--grocery shopping on devon, visited some temples, and ate at all the indian restaurants. i did convince them to break routine for once and visit the art institute though. and my dad actually bought me a membership without any prompting from my side, how randomly generous.
reading journals always makes me sad though, because they remind me of just how poor and corrupt my memory really is. some people say you should live for the experience, the moment, the feelings, etc. but what good is all that when you're just going to forget them anyway? there are many instances where i've done things i haven't really wanted to do "for the experience." and where does that get me? i read my journal five years later and think, "oh yeah...that was fun?" but then there is the real tragedy of forgetting your friends, who you thought you could never live without, one story and inside joke at a time.
i didn't get into columbia, which was the only other serious contender for chicago. so i've decided to accept chicago's proposal. i'm pretty devastated that i won't be able to live in new york, but i think i can still work something out. maybe some kind of a semester exchange? i also found out that the south asia department at chicago is setting up an exchange program with hebrew university because of certain research ties. there is a famous telugu scholar there, so i might go study with him at some point. in jerusalem! two weekends ago i went to chicago with my family for spring break and to look at housing options. i do not want to make the mistake of living in hyde park again, if i have to live in chicago then it is definitely going to be in a more happening area. the trip was fun enough, we did what we always do in chicago--grocery shopping on devon, visited some temples, and ate at all the indian restaurants. i did convince them to break routine for once and visit the art institute though. and my dad actually bought me a membership without any prompting from my side, how randomly generous.